Welcome to Gaia! ::

in the writing forum
http://www.gaiaonline.com/forum/viewtopic.php?page=1&t=18119645#919227593

this is a story i started, C&C is welcome, and requested. i started this story because i had alot of ideas for a story, but no story, my friend Annie likes it but she's not much of a C&Cer so i've come to you for held ^^

i'll post it bit by bit so you can let me know peice by peice what needs to be fixed

(first bit)
CHAPER ONE
“SOPHIE YOU’RE A QUEEN.”

Sophie was a neat cold hearted, hard working girl. She was serious and most kids didn’t like her. Her hair, long and mouse brown, was always in a loose braid down her back, and her eyes were a strange gray lined with long eye lashes. Her face was soft yet refined; with high cheek bones and a pointed chin she would have been quite beautiful if she didn’t always have such a serious expression.

The week end was a mess; Sophie spent all Friday after school cleaning up her house. It took her two hours to finish the down stairs alone. She then did the laundry and cleaned up the bathroom. Then she cleaned her own room, her father’s room and the extra room in the upstairs, which no one would really use but it needed the cleaning. She did all this just so the house would be clean for her first sleep over in her 16 year old life. No one told her that sleepovers were always messy things.


All the work was wasted as soon as the five girls she didn’t really know came crashing in, the living room was a mess after only on movie, the kitchen and dinning room were covered with food and dirty dishes after the three insisted on making lunch they then went to the fun room, leaving board games, half finished puzzles and chips and candy wrappers all along the floor. Sophie did her best picking up all after the girls running madly around the house, never staying in one room for long.

Her father didn’t mind though, he joked with the girls and watched chick flicks, braided hair the best he could and even let three of the girls do his makeup. Her father was always a happy-go-lucky guy, even though Sophie’s mother had died or at least that’s what she had gathered, he would never talk about her, and had gotten rid of all evidence that Sophie ever had a mother. The only thing Sophie knew of her mother was that “you look so much like your mother… but act so different” her father had told her that when she was very little, already taking care of her father, working hard in school and at home.

She wondered what he had meant but that had been the only time he had ever spoken of her, no matter how many times she tried to bring it up, she thought about asking while they all sat around a monopoly game board, the first time they had all been calm. Every one was talking and gossiping, her father joking around using a fake preppy girl accent. She wondered what might happen if she brought it up with every one wanting to know about her mother. Before he would always frown and go off into his room or pretend he didn’t hear her and would change the subject, but Sophie would never know, because she didn’t want to spoil his fun by digging up bad memories. At least one of them was having fun.

The Monday after her hectic weekend didn’t seem like it would be any better. Sophie forgot to set her alarm, and woke up to her father yelling good bye as he left for work, he probably though she was sick or tired and though he would give her a day off. Sophie hadn’t had time to clean her room the night before, so when she ran to her closet were her cloths for the day were laid out, she tripped over the blankets scattered about. She got dressed quickly, skipped taking her shower, and brushed her hair quickly and rushed out the door, for getting her book bag in her rush.

She jogged down the street but stopped at the turn in the street. The street did a ninety degree angle left, but in front of her laid the dark path lined with towering trees. It wasn’t that big of a deal to go along the path, a lot of kids did, and she could see the other side clearly, taking this path would save her at least five minutes.

But Sophie had always hated the path; she got a weird feeling from it. Not to mention that to the side half way down the path there was a dead tree that stood taller than the others. The tree was crooked, only a few branches hung atop it, and was void of all life except the thing she hated the most.

It had shown up only a few days before, a large gray hawk, at least it looked like a hawk, Sophie couldn’t find its species in any book. The hawk always perched atop the dead tree watching the town and glaring at Sophie. The strangest thing was the company that the hawk kept. On the lower branches of the dead tree a murder of crows always perched. They seemed to take orders from the hawk,

The next day all the girls were teasing her, and saying harsh things, the boys acted particularly nasty towards her. They stole her note book, put paint on her seat before she sat down, pulling her hair, pushed her in the hallway ‘accidentally’ and one girl even stuck her foot out and Sophie was walking down the stairs. Luckily Sophie wasn’t hurt, she caught herself and continued on her way. The boy idle watched helplessly while she was teased. He tried to stop them but it was futile. And in the end he just stopped.

Now she was older, but was still the same as always, and with same mind set. The only difference is that London moved to the school and was the new favorite target. Sophie was still picked on but she had suffered threw it more then London had, and had learned a few tricks to keep the damage to a minimum.

Knowing that Sophie had been bullied just as London was now being, would make you think she would help the meek girl. Sophie didn’t see it that way; she saw it as London’s own fault for being the way she was. If she didn’t like being bullied she could change to be more appealing to the crowds.

When lunch came Sophie felt tired, the pain in her head began to seep into her body. It took all Sophie all she had to keep going. She hadn’t had time to make her lunch that morning and had forgotten to bring her bag in which she had her money, so after a talk she finally got her lunch and had to scarf it down before the bell rang. When it did all she could do was tell her self over and over that she only had three more classes then she could go home.

But that though didn’t help her much, back home there was work to be done. Dinner needed to be done her father’s and her own laundry would have to be done, there was her homework, and she had to finish cleaning her room from the week end.

The only reason she had even had the sleep over was to put her fathers mind at ease. He worried that she didn’t have friends, and was growing up to fast. But he had guessed it right on the nose. The girls that had come to the sleep over were picked at random from the unpopular bin. Sophie felt she had too much work to keep friends. But her father didn’t need to know that.

Finally her last class came, but her head hurt worse then it did that morning, and her mind felt sluggish. Right away they were given an assignment, and right away the loud mouthed girl beside her began screaming questions to the teacher, right into Sophie’s ear.


Sophie tried to block it out but the girl had the most annoying screech and screeched about every question and comment.

Sophie organized her book (which she had borrowed from the teacher), notebook and work sheet onto the small wooden desk, and forced herself to finish her worksheet. When she was done she raised her hand, something the other kids didn’t seem to know how to do. Every called the teacher to them and Sophie sat patiently with her hand raised, the loud mouthed girl besides her having a loud ‘discussion’ with the girl behind her.

Finally the teacher reached her. “Yes sophie?” she asked
“Could I have a pass to the nurse? I don’t feel good” Sophie asked in her soft harmonic voice.

The teacher frowned and glanced at his watch. “school is almost over.” he told her “why don’t you just wait it out,” Sophie didn’t wish to do anything of the sort but nodded feebly “that’s a good girl, why don’t you lay your head down for a bit.” she said then walked over to one of the students that had been calling her name for the past two minutes.

Laying your head down wasn’t a simple task with the small wooden desks in the class, some of the kids had made a mastery of it. Sophie twisted and turned trying to get comfortable, bending forward trying to reach the desk with her head. When she finally found a comfortable way to do so the bell rang and she had to get up anyway.

Sophie suffered the bus ride home, which was worse then the on to school since now all the kids were more awake. When the bus finally came to her stop her head was pounding and she felt sick. Grateful that the day was over Sophie got off the bus and headed home.

Sophie had grown even more tired on the walk home, so that when she reached the path with the dead tree growing half way down it she almost disregarded the uneasy feeling she got from it. She was about to take a step into the shaded when she heard a cry from the hawk somewhere above. Sighing she turned and took the longer route, still not able to face that strange feeling.

When she reached her house she dumped her papers onto the in table by the door and slumped onto the couch. She laid there for a long wile, wanting to stay there all evening but knowing she had to at least start dinner, she summoned the last bits of energy she had.

Pushing off of the couch she made her way to the downstairs bathroom and took two aspirins with a glass of water, then went to the kitchen to get started.

Knock-Knock… Knock-knock. knock-knock. tap. tap. tap. Knock tap.

Sophie couldn’t believe it. The boy had begun to tap a tune on the door. She stared at the door with an odd look on her face. She knew it now, he was insane. He continued for a moment then stopped.

“… Your highness?” he knocked, this time three hard raps “your highness, answer me or I’m coming in.” he sounded worried. Sophie didn’t answer, she was thinking of the worry in his voice, it was the same worry her father had in his voice when she told him she didn’t need any body but her self.

“Your highness I’m coming in!” River said, though Sophie didn’t believe him. There were three knocks in different spots on the door, then a moment of silence.

Then without warning the door feel off its hinges. Slowly it lifted off the floor, and then pulled back quickly, to reveal River standing with both of his palms facing the door hanging in the air. The door dropped as his hands did. The worry that had been on his face as the door pulled away, changed to relief when he saw her standing there gapping at him, frozen to the spot in fear.

“Thank goodness! I thought-” he never got to tell her what he had thought because just then the front door clicked open and not long after her father came jogging up the stairs “hey Sophie-” he stopped mid step when he turned off the stairs and spotted the seine on the upstairs landing, a fast food bag held in his hand and briefcase in the other.

He didn’t react the way Sophie though he would. He simply glanced at Sophie who stood in the bath room. Then glanced at the boy, and at the door that was propped precariously on the wall were it had landed. He didn’t get upset or start yelling or demand who the boy was and why he was here. But he just sighed in a sad way, as his smile faded and said something that shocked Sophie.

“So you found us….” he gave a defeated sort of smile “I guess this means its time…?”

“I’m afraid so, the kingdom needs her, my father grows old and, my eldest brother believes that he should take over after him.”

“then why can’t he? We wouldn’t mind-”

“but it would mind to the people, they didn’t care for father taking your place even though you no longer had ties to the thrown. And my brother is not the best person to be king; he is cruel, greedy, and violent. He would cause wars over land, and starve his people. According to our spies he has already located you and is going to send assassins. ” River gave Sophie’s father a stern look. As though her father was a little boy just caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar, and said “you knew this day would come. You chose to leave, and we under stood, but your daughter is of Shona blood. She has to take the thrown.”

Until that time Sophie stood dumfounded, unable to believe what she was hearing. But when she was mentioned she snapped back into reality, and took a step forward. Even if it was a joke or a dream or what-ever she wanted to know what she had to do with any of it?

“what’s going on?! What the heck are you talking about?!” Sophie snapped marching to stand between the two. “what kingdom?! Who’s Shona?! What do I have to do with any of this!?” she turned to her father “or do you have another daughter that I don’t know of!?” he father looked shocked at her out burst. Sophie wasn’t the kind of person to get mad, or happy, or even sad. Her father didn’t answer, nor did River, and Sophie stood there for a moment begging to feel foolish. “well!?” River gave her father a look and he slowly nodded then began to talk.

“Sophie, I never told you how, or who your mother is, have I?” Sophie shook her head, listening intently. She could really care less about the other stuff now that she was about to learn about her mother. “well you may not believe it but- it’s a long story-” he interrupted him self “how about we eat first?” he held up the bag.

“no dad. tell me!” Sophie demanded for the first time in her life.

“You have to tell her sooner or later” River said “better to get it over with” her father gave another sigh and began again.

“when I was younger around twenty… I fell for your mom. I first saw her in central park, in New York city, where I used to live. We talked a lot but every time I tried to get in touch with her, it seemed like she had vanished from the universe. So one day after I met her in the park I followed her and some how got sucked into some weird dimension or something, and that’s when I found out who your mother really was. She was a princess, as weird as that sounds” her father gave a shaky laugh “it took along time for us to finally get together, but then we had you… but your mother became ill and died only a short wile after…. Seeing as I had no ties to that world I came back here with you… thinking maybe you could live good life before this moment came…”

“I… I don’t under stand… other worlds, mom a princess, wizards?” she nodded her head towards River,

“we prefer sorcerers.” he said bluntly

“you expect me to believe any of this?! If this is a joke it’s a rotten one! I’ve waited along time to learn about my mother and now you feed me all this crap!?” she stormed into her room and slammed the door, and clicked the lock. She began to cry, this sadness was new to her, and she had never truly gotten upset before. Her headache which had slowly been dissipating swelled up again.

Her father lightly tapped the door “Sophie?”
“GO AWAY!” Sophie yelled curled up on her bed “leave me alone.” she whispered hugging her pillow.

~~~~~

Her father sighed, and leaned against the door. He wasn’t used to this new Sophie; he didn’t know how to handle her, though he had never been very good with the old one.

“did you want me to break the door down sire?” river asked smiling. This got a little laugh out of him

“no thank you” he said and pointed to the bathroom door “I think you’ve done enough damage for one day”

“uh…” River gave a shaky laugh “I can fix that… I think…”

“don’t worry about it right now” he sighed then smiled “your Tom’s little boy, right?” River made a face at being called little “river right? You were only six months old last time I saw you”

“yeah, my dad never did like you, you know.”

“yeah….” he sighed again then once again smiled “this must be your first time her on earth huh?” River nodded “well then you’ve probably never had fast food have you?” River gave a puzzled look and shook his head “then here” he handed River the bag “eat up you look hungry, you should like it, Sophie’s mum always did”

“thank you sire” River smiled

“you can go ahead down stairs I’ll be right there, there’s some drinks in the fridge if you want”

“fridge….” he tilted his head but went down stairs.

When her father thought River was out of ear shot he knocked on the door again, when Sophie didn’t answer he leaned in towards the door “Sophie… I know you can hear me… I know this is a shock to you,… we can run away if you want, but you can’t change who you are….. Sophie you’re a queen…” with that he began down stairs.


(chapter one end ^^ i only got alittle bit of chapter two done)