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 Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 11:07 am
i was wondering if anyone could give me some comments on this poem i wrote ^^ thanks...
I look you in the eyes
I gulp and hold my breath
I feel the icy cold
Soft agianst my breast
I feel the pain with open arms
Letting it take over
I once had a life
But now its all over
There once was a boy
He took my heart away
I was so happy loving him
But thats no more
He took my love and crushed it
Leaving all the pieces behind
So im hanging here wondering what i did wrong
He broke my heart for her
Now i broke my neck for him
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Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 11:22 am
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Cloewinddancer Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 12:26 pm
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Posted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 10:02 pm
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Posted: Sat Oct 07, 2006 6:23 am
In my honest opinion you'll need to work on it. I've won alot of poetry contests...you're a good writer...you just have to learn to make the words 'flow like water' when you say them, if that makes any sense..Good luck though biggrin
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Posted: Sat Nov 04, 2006 5:16 pm
rolleyes ...wel i liked it biggrin
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Posted: Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:11 pm
That's...... pretty good! biggrin
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Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 8:39 am
ya it is pretty good way better than i could ever write. I'm mor of a book writer than a poem writter
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:54 pm
~good luck with the comments sorry i dont really have time to read it, i read a tiny bit but im suree its good
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Posted: Tue Feb 20, 2007 1:25 pm
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Cloewinddancer Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 8:58 am
Pretty nice.
Why did you write it? For fun?
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:41 am
Um she had probably just broken up with her bf or vis versa and felt like crap. Sometimes girls just need to vent.
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Shakespears rocker chick Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 10:30 am
Shakespears rocker chick Um she had probably just broken up with her bf or vis versa and felt like crap. Sometimes girls just need to vent. O.o
You sure know a lot about feelings. XD
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:32 am
*agrees with Angel* That's what is sounds like to me too when I read it.
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Cloewinddancer Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 12:04 pm
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