Days later, Chris tosses an empty bag of chips at Biff.
Chris: I’m so fat.
Biff: You got a baby in there.
Chris: But why do I want all this?
Biff: Well, you got the morning sickness –
Chris: Sorry about your carpet…
Biff: The mood swings…
Chris: Those shows make me so upset…
Biff: No period, thank god.
Chris: Heh-heh, and the appetite of a pig.
Biff: Oh yeah, and your complaints of having super tender breasts.
Chris: They are!
Biff: And good news, you’re debt free.
Chris: Wow…
Biff: So, is there anything else you want to talk about?
Chris: Yeah, I want to know about you.
Biff: All right, where do you want to start?
Chris: From the beginning.
Biff: Okay, I was born with three sisters and one brother. My sisters are Falon, Foxy, and Dolly and my brother is Nick. My brother was the runt and died at a young age. Later my parents were killed by Flare and my sisters and myself were taken to an orphanage. Well, the orphanage turned out to be ran by a child molester who also liked to beat us and you can imagine how that went.
Chris: Oh my gosh…
Biff: I lost all emotion at that time, Dolly still had hope. Foxy cried all the time and Falon gritted her teeth, wanting to get away. When she did, Flare killed her. Later Foxy got pregnant and died giving childbirth. Dolly is still living today, she takes care of children, oh, and Foxy’s daughter Darien is alive.
Chris: And what about you… how did you get out of a place like that?
Biff: Dolly made me, then I ended up on Earth. Met the Goddess, her guardian Saikoro, had a blast and then it was over. Depression can take over a human, anyone really. She just didn’t want us to see her like that, so she sent me back here. So I joined the government and went searching for Dolly.
Chris: Will you ever see her again, the Goddess?
Biff: Some day.
Biff is talking on his cell phone to Max, while driving in the car. Chris sits in the passenger seat looking out the window.
Biff: Yeah, I’m taking her to get an ultrasound, hm? Of course I’m taking good care of Chris, what does long ears think? He can talk to her –
Chris: I don’t want to talk to Ivan.
Biff: Wait, huh? Hey, I’m here Maxy, yeah, hugs and kisses to you too.
Biff hangs up his phone, Chris looks back out the window.
Biff: What happened between you and Ivan, I’m really starting to be concerned.
Chris: We had sex and he still didn’t want a relationship, he’s still the same like in high school. Scared to commit…
Biff: Well… don’t worry about him. We got a baby to look at then go shopping.
Chris: Spoil me Mr. Foxer.
Ivan has his head on his desk, Max opens the door to the office.
Max: Ivan? Are you okay? You’ve been looking ill. If you’re worried about Chris, she’ll be fine with Biff.
Ivan: It’s not that…
Max: Then what? Big brother, I’m worried about you.
Ivan: I don’t know… I just wish that dad’s wisdom or mom’s compassion was still here. I’m just so… lost.
Max: But about what? Ivan, if you keep acting like this we’re not going to look so good.
Ivan: Huh?
Max: The business…
Ivan: I just… can’t do it.
Max: Little Mr. Meow says to never give up!
Ivan: And what does he say about the pregnant woman you love?
Max: Cartoons won’t help you there Ivan, if you love Chris stop being such a dope and tell her. Sheez.
Max gets up swishing his tail at Ivan, he leaves the office. Ivan hits his head on the desk.
Ivan: He’s acting more of a man than me right now…
Max sits down on a bar stool and starts to get teary eyed, Alice walks over to him.
Alice: What’s wrong Max?
Max bursts out into tears, Alice gets a sweat drop.
Max: I don’t want to act like the man! Why is my big brother being such a wuss!
Alice: Why is everyone acting pregnant? Ah! I wish things were back to normal!
Saikoro walks through the door; he has a teacup in his hand. Alice blinks, Max stops crying.
Saikoro: Good morning.
Alice: Sir, your own beverages aren’t allowed in here.
Max: What are you doing her Saikoro?
Alice: You know him?
Max: He’s an angel.
Saikoro: Without the halo and my wings are tucked in. Now about your wish, abortion is out of the question –
Alice: What!
Saikoro: But I imagine I can help look at the business data.
Max: And coach my brother to stop being such a wuss?
Saikoro: Only if you wish for it.
Alice: You’re telling me some angel comes in here because I wished for things to be normal?
Max: Yep.
Alice: I need a drink... and I wish for a new husband.
Saikoro: I can pick you up at eight tonight.
Alice: And now I’m being hit on by an angel… today’s starting off weird.
The phone rings, Max answers it. Alice stares at Saikoro, Saikoro sips his tea. Max hangs up the phone.
Max: Chris is having a little girl!
Chris and Biff look at cribs in one store, Chris gets a sweat drop looking at the price tag.
Chris: How can you afford all this?
Biff: I have quite a bit of money from my job…
Chris: And to think I had to borrow money from Ivan to get everyone’s Christmas presents on clearance…
Biff: I’m still in a bit of shock that you didn’t visit the doctor in this many years, what if you had possibly gotten something that could harm your baby or yourself?
Chris: When you don’t have money, you just can’t think about that. Besides, I checked out healthy.
Biff: I know, that’s great.
Biff looks at more cribs, then shakes his head.
Biff: I think we should hold a baby shower.
Chris: What?
Biff: Well, we’re both a bit lost at what we want to get your little girl, maybe we’ll get some ideas… and I can cater.
Chris: But who could we even invite?
Biff: Well; Alice, Harvey, Tyson, and I have three female neighbors who might actually be pleasant to me for once.
Chris: I haven’t met your neighbors.
Biff: I haven’t introduced them… Remember when we first met? The virgin girl was my neighbor.
Chris: Oh…
Saikoro sits down at Ivan’s desk as Ivan lies down on the couch.
Saikoro: Maybe that’s your problem, you haven’t taken a break ever since you started.
Ivan: I took a break after Christmas…
Saikoro: For yourself? What you wanted to do?
Ivan: I wanted to be with Chris…
Saikoro: Then why at Christmas did you tell her off?
Ivan: I was upset… we had sex because we were drunk, but I don’t want it to be that way. I guess I’m just too shy to tell her how I feel, just like high school.
Saikoro: I think you’re over due for a talk, you’ve kept what’s been hurting you inside for far too long.
Ivan: What is this supposed be? Some sort of therapy? I don’t even know why I’m talking to you.
Saikoro: Well, while I’m saving your business I figured I could help work out your problems.
Ivan: Not today, I’m just a bit out of it…
Saikoro: Then perhaps another day.
Shaylee sits down next to Kendra, Kendra hisses at Biff.
Kendra: Why did you have to come too?
Biff: I’m taking care of Chris, I wouldn’t leave her alone with you.
Chujow: Yeah, Kendra and a pregnant woman? Think of all the horrible things that could happen.
Chris: Happen?
Chujow: Kendra and for the most part, all the girls, are klutzes.
Raine pinches Chujow’s cheeks.
Raine: I know you’re not talking about me Chujow.
Chujow: Ow! Ow! Stop it!
Raine lets go and sits down next to Chris. Chujow sits on top of the TV.
Chujow: You might be a Crystal Olk Raine but you still can’t control your powers.
Raine: Then you shall not make me angry.
Shaylee: We remember what happened to Ramey…
Chujow: That was yucky…
Chris: Magic must be nice… I’ve been gifted with nothing.
Raine: You’ve been gifted with a baby!
Kendra: And magic isn’t everything, when you’re high up people except way to much from you.
Biff: Then step down from being the Water Elf.
Kendra: My cousin is the Wind Elf, I can’t step down and have her beat me!
Shaylee: But she’s already married and has three kids, hasn’t she won? Not to mention stopped Flare and every other whack job.
Chujow: And managed to go whack job herself and back again. Didn’t she beat Flare’s killing record?
Kendra: Yeah… damn it! Shut up!
Chris leans over to Biff.
Chris: What’d you see in the elf?
Biff: I thought her ears were cute, the Earthling is a bit of a ditz. And I hate fairies.
Chris: Oh…
Raine sits up and points her finger at Kendra, Shaylee, and Chujow.
Raine: You’re being disrespectful to our guests! Shut up!
Chujow: Umm…
Shaylee: And you shouldn’t shout.
Raine: And you should stop stuffing your chest.
Kendra: Heh-heh, yeah, being some fairy princess can’t you afford a boob job?
Shaylee: I’m not that desperate!
Chris: If you really want your boobs to look bigger, get a padded push-up bra. That’s what I did in high school.
Shaylee: Really?
Chris: Mhmm, and Kendra I’ve met your cousin and what’s the point in being number one? She’s happy with her husband, maybe you should just find someone like she did.
Kendra: Well I thought I did but he turned out to be gay!
Biff: Please, I slept with you because you insisted.
Kendra: Did not!
Chujow: No Kendra, after he took you out to dinner and went to kiss you good night, you told him you wanted to go over his place –
Kendra: You were spying!
Chujow: I went to the store to get milk and you were right there.
Kendra: And why were we out of milk!
Raine: Because I drank it all.
Shaylee: Face it Kendra, you’re the one who let Biff sleep with you because you wanted him too.
Kendra: Well he could have been more gentle!
Chris: Maybe you should learn a little more about sex before having it.
Shaylee: Or wait till marriage like me.
Raine: Or just be drunk and you won’t know the difference!
Kendra: This isn’t helping!
Biff: Kendra, just be glad you didn’t loose it unwillingly. If you really weren’t ready I would have said no but you lied and told me you had done it before.
Kendra: And to think Minna came on to her husband and didn’t have a problem… she’ll always win!
Chujow: But Minna got pregnant, so maybe your cousin didn’t win.
Raine: Nah, it was destiny for Minna and Goukai to have kids. Even if he did use protection and it was planned…
Chris: Condoms aren’t guaranteed to always prevent pregnancy.
Shaylee: Yeah Kendra, you should be glad you didn’t have a Biff baby.
Kendra: But a Biff baby would be cute…
Biff: What?
Raine: I’d love to see a Biff and Kendra baby! He would have blonde hair with blue streaks, cute little fox ears and tail, and green eyes! He’d be named Kira.
Chris starts to giggle, Biff whispers to Kendra.
Biff: Has she been drinking again?
Kendra: Probably.
Chris: Well Biff, I think we need to head on home for dinner. Will you girls be able to make the shower?
Shaylee: Of course!
Kendra: I will admit Biff is one heck of a cook.
Raine: And I get to buy baby booties!
Chujow: And I’ll get the place to myself.
At Alice’s home, she hangs up the phone and goes back to stirring a bowl. Oliver walks into the kitchen.
Oliver: Who was that Mama?
Alice: Biff, he’s holding a baby shower for Chris and invited me over. Oh, I love a baby shower!
Oliver: When is it?
Alice: This Saturday.
Oliver: And where will I go? Gram Pa Rufus is pretty far away for me to go for one day. I think Aunt Lila is working too…
Alice: You’ll just have to go then too.
Oliver: But that’s for girls to go to!
Alice: Nonsense, Max is going.
Oliver: Mom, he’s gay.
Alice: Oliver!
Oliver: I mean no offense but he’s just like that. Max is really nice though and he’s got fun video games.
Alice: Well when we go to that shower you’ll be on your best behavior like when we were at the Christmas party.
Oliver: Okay Mom…
In the kitchen at the Ruby residence, Ivan is chopping up vegetables on his cutting board. Max is sitting down at the table, he hangs up the phone.
Ivan: Who was that?
Max: Biffy, he’s having a baby shower for Chris.
Ivan: That’ nice of him, I guess.
Max: I’m invited too… but I kind of thought they were for girls…
Ivan: Well yeah, mostly women attend but I guess things differ in your situation…
Max: I suppose I could dress in women’s clothes then.
Ivan slices his finger on the blade, he turns around to Max.
Ivan: Max, there’s some things I won’t allow you to do and that’s one of them.
Max: Ivan, you’re bleeding…
Ivan: What?
Ivan looks at his bleeding finger and gets a sweat drop.
Ivan: And why aren’t you crying about that?
Max: I would but I’m hungry and you contaminated dinner… I’ll order pizza.
Max leaves the room, Ivan washes his finger under the sink.
Ivan: Why does life always suck?
Saturday, Biff opens the door and Max leaps on him, giving him a kiss.
Max: Biffy!
Biff: Hey Maxy, long ears didn’t come?
Max: You’ll never believe who he’s with…
Chris: Lisa Cox?
Max: Eww, no!
Biff: Who?
Chris: Ugly chick from high school.
Max: He’s with Saikoro.
Biff: Saikoro!
Max: Yeah, Alice made some wish about the business getting back to normal and Saikoro showed up.
Chris: What’s wrong with the business? I thought we were in the clear.
Max: Ivan screwed up a report and stopped placing orders. Then Alice got over whelmed with customers and it’s just been real… bad there.
Chris: I feel like it’s my fault…
Max: It’s not, trust me.
The doorbell rings, Biff opens it and Kendra, Shaylee, and Raine walk in.
Kendra: Snacks.
Raine: Yes, we’re hungry.
Shaylee: Raine burnt the pancakes again…
Biff: Well you ladies sit down and I’ll get the snacks out of the kitchen.
Max: I’ll help!
Biff and Max walk into the kitchen.
Biff: Is it really that bad there?
Max: Ivan messed up big time; he’s just been out of it. Saikoro is –
The doorbell rings, Chris gets up.
Chris: I’ll get it!
Chris goes to the door; Max brings out a tray of snacks for the girls. Tyson and Harvey walk into the room.
Harvey: Wow! Biff has a nice place!
Tyson: My Chris, your boobs are huge.
Chris: Tyson, I wouldn’t expect that from you. But yes, they are quite big.
Max giggles and walks back into the kitchen. Biff picks up a tray.
Biff: So what is Saikoro up to?
Max: Saving the bar and counseling Ivan, crazy huh?
Biff: Yeah, really.
Biff walks out with the tray, Max falls behind him. Biff sets the tray down on the coffee table, Raine grabs Max’s arm and sits him down next to her.
Raine: No making invited guest work, shame on you Biff.
Biff: Sheez, steal my boyfriend why don’t you.
Raine: Well he is cute.
Max: But you’re not my type.
The girls laugh but Raine, the doorbell rings and Biff goes to open the door. Alice is standing there with Oliver holding a package.
Biff: Glad you could make it Alice.
Alice: Heh-heh, I had to drag Oliver with me…
Oliver walks to where all the girls are. Kendra, Shaylee, and Raine squeal and hug Oliver.
Kendra, Shaylee, & Raine: He’s so cute!
At Flaming Snowball, Saikoro is on the computer at Ivan’s desk. Ivan is smoking a cigarette, lying back on the couch.
Saikoro: You and Biff both smoke those cancer sticks?
Ivan: Only when stressed…
Saikoro: You really screwed this up you know? Why don’t you hire anymore help?
Ivan: Eh… I don’t know… I wonder how that baby shower is going…
Saikoro: Sad you didn’t get an invite?
Ivan: It’s for chicks and my brother…
Saikoro: And to think on of those chicks is pregnant with – oh! Look at the error I found here!
Ivan: I wonder what they’re doing…
Chris looks at the names on the sheets of paper, she laughs.
Chris: I am not naming my daughter Shawanda.
Harvey: Oh come on!
Chris: And Madison is boring, Tomoko just doesn’t fit, is Tyler really a girl’s name? Bunny reminds me to much of Ivan, no offense Max.
Max: Trust me, I didn’t write it down.
Raine: That was me.
Chris: Emma is okay… I don’t know… I guess I’ll just have to think about it.
Tyson: How’d you name Oliver, Alice?
Alice: Sports, baseball game. Oliver Goldfield hit a homerun and won the Mahouin series.
Oliver: I still doubt I’ll be any good at baseball...
Shaylee: You might, just never give up.
Harvey: And play rough and dirty!
Biff walks out of the kitchen, pouring everyone a glass of sparkling water.
Biff: I think it’s time to open gifts.
Raine: Oh! My favorite part!
Chris: Heh-heh, see what you got for my baby.
Chris opens a gift; she pulls out a pink baby blanket with a bunny on it. She hugs Harvey and Tyson.
Chris: Thank-you.
Harvey: It was too cute not to get.
Tyson: Very good material.
Kendra hands Chris a large package.
Kendra: This is from me and the girls.
Raine: I picked out the booties!
Shaylee: And I picked out the colors…
Chris: Thank you all.
Chris opens up the gift; inside are pink bunny booties, a pink bunny infant dress with bonnet, and a pink jacket with a bunny on it.
Chris: Wow, it’s really pink…
Alice: And looks like a lot of little Ivan’s hopping around.
Biff snickers, taking the gifts from Chris and setting them to the side.
Biff: I think we know what our theme is…
Chris: Yeah…
Max: Funny, I followed it too…
Max hands Chris a gift bag, she opens it and there’s a pink stuffed bunny in it.
Chris: Heh-heh, how funny. Did you do the same Alice?
Alice: I figured I could help with some other stuff…
Oliver hands Chris a certificate to the Little Mr. Meow Store.
Oliver: It’s from Lila.
Chris: How nice of her.
Alice hands Chris her gift, Chris opens it and there’s a tub of lotion and a red silk robe.
Alice: The lotion is to help get rid of those stretch marks and I would have loved a nice silk robe after I had my baby.
Chris: Thank-you Alice!
Biff: And now it’s time for cake.
Raine: Yay! Cake!
Ivan throws a dart at the dartboard, Saikoro chews on a pen.
Saikoro: And what’s irritating you now?
Ivan: I should have gotten something for Chris…
Saikoro: Like what?
Ivan: I don’t know, truth is I don’t know a damn thing about babies and I know Chris wears very limited jewelry so what could I really get?
Saikoro: Morphine for after having the baby…
Ivan: I think if I got my hands on that I’d be taking it myself, I wouldn’t mind being loopy for a bit.
Saikoro: You’re already loopy as it is in your own way.
