i've been having a hard time dealing and coping...

my husband had passed away, he killed himself,
my mother took my son, with the help of her lies, her brothers, and cps
i live alone now, have been for a month, still not used to it.

i wake up sometimes thinking i'm visiting a friend's house, but then i see all my stuff here and realize, this is where i live.

it's gotten hard to get out of the appartment, i about panic if i'm out for a long period of time - like for me, maybe an hour.

so i mainly only get out to do groceryshopping, pay bills, or incase i have a doctor's appointment that i don't feel like cancelling.

my mobility has gotten worse, i can't walk 5 steps anymore without hanging on to something, or falling down. it's not always fun, but i keep trying to work through it.

i still come here and play on gaia, when i'm bored, but i no longer have a game goal on this site. so i don't know how much longer i'll be playing, maybe another few months, maybe i'll never stop coming.... i just don't have a direction to lead my energy towards while playing this game.

i have pretty shut out all my old friends, i want to shut out every one else, but then that would be pretty much asking for something wrong to happen, and i don't wish for that.

i know most of you are kids, young teens, or older teens, or maybe a young adult like me... but, sometimes when a person get too attached to someone, and then a new life comes to join them, when they are both taken away, the drive on the inside to motivate living - just lies dorment...
i don't have a goal for living, i just wake up each morning now, and work it throuth till night time, i might still be awake, or i might sleep. i have no specific time to do things anymore.

the reason why i'm posting is not because i think anyone here actually trully cares... but... i needed some outlet, something had to be said off my mind, and maybe this will reach no one's thought process, but, please, i ask, please, don't be rude about it, or get mad about it.

laters.