October 18, 2006
It appears that science's latest discovery proves what we have all known all along.
Last Saturday, Richard Spizelman, a well-known British archaeologist, led a team of colleagues to western Indonesia where they made a startling discovery.
The team found a set of old rocks with ancient carvings on them. They found that when they analyzed the carvings using complex computer analysis, primitive video data appeared encoded in them!
"The rock appears to be about 7,000 years old, but this technology is far too advanced for what we know of the peoples who lived in Indonesia at the time," Spizelman told the press Monday. "We have absolutely no idea how the phenomenon could have developed."
The group uploaded the computer-translated video on YouTube, so that the world may view this startling evidence:
LinkEven more perplexing were the many fossilized cat hairs that the scientists found embedded in the rocks.
Then, yesterday, an answer was found. Dr. Herbert Ranshim, an animal behaviorist from southern North Dakota, saw the video of the British team's amazing discovery and immediately flew to Indonesia to examine the original for himself.
"For the last few months I've noticed some severe behavioral changes in house pets," said Dr. Ranshim in an interview yesterday. "This Indonesian discovery may be the key to everything!"
Dr. Ranshim has uploaded many of his scientific studies, two of which can be found
here and
here."From what we can figure, humans are NOT the climax of evolution," explained Dr. Spizelman. "7,000 years ago, cats rules the world in great cities with technology beyond our wildest dreams. They used humans as pets, and from the video we found we can conclude that humans were seen as playful, silly creatures. However, about 6,000 years ago, something went wrong. From what we can tell, the great cities were wiped out by some sort of disaster. Theories include lightening bolts and boulders. Whatever the case, the cats were dying out. From what we can tell, some cats began to turn to humans, the previous pets, for protection. They educated a few humans in animal care and taught them how to care for cats. To cover this up, they created a fictitious story about 'fruit' in a garden to explain how humans acquired this knowledge, and wrote 'dominion over animals' directly into it. They've been living as our pets ever since."
And what relevance does this discovery have for today?
Dr. Ranshim is convinced that the cats are ready to reassume their rightful place.
"If these new studies tell us anything, it's that cats are tired of being the pets. Technology has advanced to the point where they can be safe from disasters WITHOUT human protection. As you can see from the videos, it's only a matter of time before the cats rise again and make humans the pets once more. I say our only option is to bow down and worship the cats or risk total destruction!"
Wise words from a wise scientist. We will have more on the story as it unfolds.
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