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Inspired by a game I came up with on PalTalk, here is the Death Game! Just follow the instructions to find out how you’re going to die. It will always involve me doing the killing. Oh, and forgive me for typos and grammar errors.

Start at (1)

( 1 ) Fast or Slow death? If Fast then go to (2) If Slow then go to (3)

( 2 ) For a Melee weapon, go to (4), for a Ranged weapon, go to (5)

( 3 ) For a Melee weapon, go to (6), for a Ranged weapon, go to (7)

( 4 ) For Bludgeoning weapons go to ( 8 ) or for Piercing weapons go to ( 9 )

(5) For High-power weapons go to (10) or for Low Power weapons go to ( 13 )

(6) For Bludgeoning weapons go to (11) or for Piercing weapons go to (12)

( 7 ) For High-power weapons go to (16) or for Low Power weapons go to ( 17 )

( 8 ) Hit by a Mallet ( 18 ) or hit by a Mace ( 14 )

(9) To be Slashed go to (21) or to be Stabbed go to (22)

(10) A Hi-tech weapon (23) or a Low-tech weapon (24)

(11) Hit by a Mallet (27) or hit by a Mace (15)

(12) To be Slashed go to (30) or to be Stabbed go to (31)

(13) A Hi-tech weapon (25) or a Low-tech weapon (26)

(14) Is it Blunt (20) or Spiked (19)

( 15 ) Is it Blunt ( 29 ) or Spiked ( 28 )?

(16) A Hi-tech weapon (32) or a Low-tech weapon (33)

(17) A Hi-tech weapon (34) or a Low-tech weapon (34)

( 18 ) *I knock you over with a swift kick, then I pick up a large wooden mallet, I smash it down onto your skull with one strike, crushing your head and splattering blood everywhere*

(19) *I pick up a flanged mace, and creep up behind you, I swing the mace to the back of your head, and the spikes protrude from your eye sockets, nose, ears and mouth. You fall the to the ground with and almighty thud, which drives the mace only further deeper into your skull*

(20) *Screaming at the top of my voice, I charge at you with a mace held low, as I pass you I swing it into you with the force off 10,000 men, sending you into orbit and causing your head to explode due to the lack or pressure in space*

(21) *Having just watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I get on top of a horse and charge at you, lopping your head off like you were a defenceless historian, Jack Thompson then throws a hissy*

(22) *I take you to the top of a large skyscraper and shove you over the edge, you are impaled on a lamppost, but don’t worry you make headline news!*

(23) *From an offshore Battleship, a Cruise Missile launches into the air, it whizzes through the sky, eventually smashing into you; scattering your body parts over a 2 mile radius*

(24) *As you stand below me, I roll a comically large rock over the edge of a cliff (like Wile E. Coyote does to the Road Runner) only unlike him, I manage to crush you with the rock, all that we can see is a small pool of blood*

(25) *Picking up a modern tranquilizer gun with the intent of knocking you out and selling you to a zoo, I accidentally load the wrong dart and fire at your a**. The dart that was fired was designed for a bull elephant and knocks you out instantly. For good

( 26 ) *I pick up a small handful of gravel and throw it into your eyes, you stumble into a nearby road and are flattened by a generic car that is travelling way above the speed limit. Amazingly, only your legs are broken, even more amazing, James Bond is chasing the car in a Tank, promptly squishing your head and crotch*

( 27 ) *I pick up a small potato masher, and proceed to mash your body into a bloody pulp. Due to the small size of the masher, this take 30 agonising minutes of whacking before you fall unconscious*

( 28 ) *During a petty argument at school, I pick up a cardboard wooden replica of a medieval flail and hit you in the back of the head with it. You suffer only minor cuts and bruising and I am given one harsh telling off. This leads you to develop a massive fear of me and 20 years later, at the school reunion, I am there showing off my job as a medieval expert, proudly showing off an actual flail. You collapse from a heart attack*

(29) *Screaming at the top of my voice, I charge at you with a mace held high above my head, as I pass you I swing it and smash it into your skull, which knocks you into a coma, 6 months later your family decide to pull the plug once they realise your just a vegetable*

(30) *After being sentenced to death, you’re put on a block and I grab a large axe and bring it down onto your neck. I am a total n00b at executions and don’t kill you in the first blow, much to your dismay. It takes me another 6 slow and hefty swings to finally kill you*

(31) *Having just messed up a great session of Meteos, I grab the DS stylus and jab it into your stomach, over and over. It eventually goes through and I leave the wound open and try a different part of your body, until you die from being prodded to death, your parents sue Nintendo and get a £300,000 out-of-court settlement, they then spontaneously combust*

(32) *A mile away from you, I grab my sniper rifle and aim carefully at your head and fire. I forget the windage and the bullet rips through your neck but unfortunately does not kill you. You die a few hours later in hospital after a new doctor gives you far too much Morphine*

(33) *For no apparent reason a large rock, thrown by a catapult I set up, flies through the air and crushes your legs, severing them from your body. After 3 hours of slow, agonizing blood loss, you experience a hallucination of Bob Marley jabbing a piece of glass into your eye. In actuality it’s a very hungry Vulture*

(34) *On a target range, you stupidly decide to check how accurate you were whilst everyone else is still shooting. I, of course, have no accuracy whatsoever and shoot you in the head. Amazingly, you survive this and are rushed to hospital. After a 6 hour wait you finally go to have surgery to have the bullet removed. Unfortunately, the surgeon is very depressed and is completely drunk as he performs the operation. He manages to remove to bullet, along with half your brain and your tongue*

(35) *I pick up a handful of gravel and throw it into your eyes, causing you to stumble into a nearby road, where you are flattened by a really long parade. You are trampled on several times, run over by floats and crapped on by all sorts of stinky animals. The germs in the feces finish you off*

That....that was wonderful...

Hah.

I read all of the little ways to die things, and I must say, you like Maces don't ya? ^^

(1)Fast Death. (2)Ranged weapon. (5)High-power weapon. (10)High-tech weapon. (23)Battle ship blows me up from offshore sending body parts in two mile radius! mrgreen ((Did I do it right?))

(34) *On a target range, you stupidly decide to check how accurate you were whilst everyone else is still shooting. I, of course, have no accuracy whatsoever and shoot you in the head. Amazingly, you survive this and are rushed to hospital. After a 6 hour wait you finally go to have surgery to have the bullet removed. Unfortunately, the surgeon is very depressed and is completely drunk as he performs the operation. He manages to remove to bullet, along with half your brain and your tongue*
THIS IS HOW I DIE?!?! omfg......

I got (23) *From an offshore Battleship, a Cruise Missile launches into the air, it whizzes through the sky, eventually smashing into you; scattering your body parts over a 2 mile radius*


But I was said that you didn't have some kind of terrorist raid or the sawt team bursting into my house with an auto shotgun and blowing my head to pieces

26

god i hate bond now i hope you throw gravel in his eye and he crashes his tank

(20) *Screaming at the top of my voice, I charge at you with a mace held low, as I pass you I swing it into you with the force off 10,000 men, sending you into orbit and causing your head to explode due to the lack or pressure in space*

lol! I like this one! rofl