Okay, even though this is kinda long, still read it. Its really funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This never happened. The words presidentiallital and wonderogical are
made up by me, but the president can use them any time. It will make
him look... smart. I don't own them, yet. Wahahahahaha *breaks
out into a coughing fit*
~*RING RING*~
Serj shot up from a deep sleep because of his phone. He wasn't
exactly
happy about that, considering he hadn't slept for a few days. He
figured it was probably Daron again.
Serj: *picks up phone* What the hell do you want??
Person on phone: Is this Mr. Serj Tankian?
Serj: It's five in the morning! I don't need a new vacuum!
Person on phone: Sir, this isn't a telemarketer. This is George Dubya
Bush.
Serj: What??
Dubya: I would like to invite you and your bandmates to dinner
tomorrow night.
Serj: Umm, wait, so this is the president, and you're inviting me to
the White House?
Dubya: Yup, that's it.
Serj: Nice try Shavo, that p***k would never invite us to the White
House. Dammit man, you know I haven't gotten much sleep.
Dubya: umm.. this isn't Shavo, and I don't appreciate being called a
p***k.
Serj then realized the authentic southern accent. He got up and
checked the caller ID. It said "GEORGE BUSH, PRESIDENT" on it.
Serj: Uhhh, heh, I meant Bill Clinton was a p***k.
Dubya: Well then, come on over tomorrow night. I'm a mean shirades
(SP)
player.
Serj: Uhhh ok, I guess.
Dubya: Great! There'll be a plane at the airport waiting for you and
your friends. OK well, gotta go fight the Musl.. I mean, uhh, take
care of presidentiallital stuff. Bye now! *click*
Serj hung up the phone, glad that the president was too dumb to
realize Serj had called him a p***k. He quickly called John.
John: H.. h... hello?
Serj: John?
John: Dammit Serj, you woke me up! Now I have the worst hangover..
Serj: John, you wouldn't believe what just happened.
John: Wha..
Serj: The president just invited us to the White House.
John: Whatever you're smoking, give me some.
Serj: I'm serious! You can even check my caller ID!
John: Later.. I'm going back to bed. *click*
Serj called Shavo and Daron, getting pretty much the same reaction.
He decided to wait until they were more awake.
later
Shavo, Daron, and John looked at Serj's caller ID.
Shavo: Well, it looks real.
Daron: DONUTS!!! *grabs a box of donuts and eats them all*
Serj: Hey! I wanted those!
John: You should have used my method of hiding food before having
Daron over.
Serj: Too late for my donuts..
Shavo: Weren't we talking about going to the White House, or
something
Serj: Oh yeah..
Daron decided to prove Serj wrong and called the number on the
caller
ID.
Dubya: Hello?
Daron: You're not the president!
Dubya: Why yes I am! Who is this?
Daron: Oh yeah, well make up a word. Right now. It'll make you
look...
smart.
Dubya: Why of course! That's a wonderogical idea! See? Wonderogical.
Aren't I smart?
Daron: *click*
Daron: Oh yes, that definitely was the president.
Serj: I told you!
Shavo: So.. should we go?
Daron: Of course we should go! Free food!
Serj: I don't know. I guess.
John: I'll go. Who could pass up free food?
Serj: Alright, then, I guess we'll go.
The next day
Serj waited in the airport for his friends. He had on a dress shirt
and pants. John arrived next, wearing a T shirt and jeans. Shavo
was next, also wearing a T shirt and jeans. Daron arrived last,
wearing a dress.
Serj: Why the hell are you wearing a dress?
Daron: Huh?
John: You're meeting the president as a drag queen?
Daron: I'm not wearing a dress!
Shavo, John, and Serj: ........
Daron: Ok ok I'm wearing a dress.
Shavo: Umm why don't we get on the plane now...
Daron: Weee I like wearing dresses. It's breezy.
John: Never say that again.
They walked over to a flight attendent person who had a sign saying
System of a Down. They walked down the hallway thingy and got
on the plane. As it took off, the pilot made an announcement.
Pilot: Helllllo patriots, welcome to one of the president's
private jets! He uses this when Air Force One's in the hanger!
Well, this will be a four hour flight, make yourself at home!
Serj sat there reading a book. John fell asleep. Shavo listened
to music. Daron got up and looked around the plane. He spotted
one of those photo-booth picture things. It was the pres's daughters.
One picture was them just sitting there, smiling. Then another
one was of them sticking out there tongues. The next one was..
them kissing eachother.
Daron: Shavo! Look!
Shavo: What?
Daron shoved the pictures in Shavo's face.
Daron: INCEST LESBIANS!
Shavo looked at the pictures and laughed.
Shavo: They were probably just kidding around.
Daron: But LOOK!
The next picture was of the one sister straddling the other.
Shavo: Whoa, I'm keeping these.
Daron: I saw them first!
Shavo: But you handed them to me, therefore, you are too much
of a p***y to be able to get them back.
Daron: Oh yeah??
Daron tried to grab the pictures but Shavo quickly pulled them
away. Daron tackled Shavo trying to get them back.
Daron: They're MY incest lesbians!!!
Shavo: Not anymore!
Serj looked up at them.
Serj: What the hell?
Shavo held the pictures out so Serj could see them.
Serj: Whoa, the Bush twins are lesbians!
John woke up abruptly to the word lesbian.
John: Lesbians? Where? I want some lesbians!
Shavo showed John the pictures.
John: MINE!
John grabbed the pictures from Shavo. Daron and Shavo both jumped
on John trying to get them back. Serj sat there, laughing at the
lesbianism-ness and his bandmates.
Daron: WAIT! I have a photo-copier thing at my house! I'll copy
it and we can all have one!
Peace was restored to the plane.
Serj: You know the twins are probably gonna be at dinner, right?
John: YAY!!
Serj: We can't say anything about this
Daron: Why not?
Serj: They might sue us!
Daron: Or offer me a threesome!!
Shavo: No one will offer you a threesome when you wear a dress.
Serj: No one will offer anyone a threesome because we aren't
going to say anything. Does everyone understand?
Daron: Yes, Mom.
The rest of the plane ride was pretty uneventful. Daron found
numerous porn tapes and magazines, much to his delight, but
nothing more than slightly scandalous. John stole some of the
plane's four-ply toilet paper. Serj got really hyper, which
had happened maybe twice in his life, and started tormenting
Shavo.
Serj: Shavvvvvvvo
Shavo: Yes..
Serj reached over and pulled Shavo's beard.
Shavo: Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?
Serj: Watcha doing?
Shavo: Nothing..
Serj: Umm Shavo, there's a hair on your head.
Shavo: s**t!
Shavo got up and went into the tiny bathroom. Serj ran up and closed
the door, wedging it shut with a broom he had happened to be carrying.
Shavo: There is not! Hey, Serj!!! Let me out!!!
Serj: Hahahahahaha no.
Shavo: Come on Serj, seriously, I'm getting claustrophobic!
Serj: Nope!
Shavo: Let me out you b*****d! I swear I'm gonna ******** kill you!
Serj: Well that makes me want to let you out
Shavo: Grrr, Let me out!!!!
Serj: What's the magic word?
Shavo: I am going to kill you!
Serj: I'm not letting you out until you say the magic word!!!
Shavo: PLEASE! OK, happy now? Let me out you b***h!
Shavo began running into the door trying to get it open. Serj
quickly took the broom away right before Shavo crashed into
the door. It swung open and Shavo ran into the opposite wall.
Shavo: ********! Owwwwww!
Serj was sitting about three feet away, collapsing with laughter.
Shavo: You a*****e!
Shavo ran over and kicked Serj in the shin.
Serj: OW! ******** got up and pushed Shavo, still laughing a little. Shavo
punched him in the face.
Shavo: Die b***h! You know I have claustrophobia!
At this point, Daron and John were snickering at the fight going on.
Daron: Cat fight!
John: Meow
Daron: Twenty bucks Shavo loses
John: Hmm, Serj is bigger and stronger, but Shavo's agile and
kicks really hard.
I should know. That b*****d kicked me in the balls once. They've
never been the same.
Daron: Way too much info.
Serj smacked Shavo's head, leaving a big red hand mark. Shavo
grabbed Serj's hair and threw him down. Serj grabbed onto Shavo's
leg, causing him to fall backwards. Shavo kicked Serj in the
side. Serj elbowed him in the shin. This went on for about ten
minutes, until Daron and John broke it up, remembering that
they couldn't be too screwed up, since they were going to meet
the president. Serj ended up with a black eye and a bunch of bruises.
Shavo got the aforementioned big red hand mark on his head, some
cuts and a couple bruises. Serj's hyperness had gone away by
then. He laughed as he recalled his Shavo-torture into his journal.
Shavo gave Serj the evil-eye whenever he walked past. Serj couldn't
remember the last time Shavo was mad at him. It was starting to
bother him. He decided to apologize to Shavo. He got up and walked
to the other side of the plane, where Shavo was sitting, plotting
revenge.
Serj: Hey Shav, look, I'm sorry. I just got really hyper and had
to torment someone. You were sitting the closest.
Shavo: You? Got hyper???
Serj: Obviously
Shavo: That sounded so much like a teen girl it's not even funny.
But anyway, you are such an a*****e, and just for your a*****e-ness,
you have to... give yourself a swirly.
Serj: No! Seriously, anything but that. You know I got that way
too much in high school!
Shavo: And hahahaha and you almost hahaha drowned that one time
hahahahahahaha
Serj: How do you know about that??
Shavo: My brother told me all about it. (A.N.: I'm not sure if
Shavo even has a brother, let alone one Serj's age that went to
Serj's highschool and gave Serj a swirly.... but oh well that's
just too bad.)
Serj: It's not funny! I could have died!
Shavo: You could not have died! It was ten seconds with your face
in a toilet!
Serj: I inhaled by accident!
Shavo: Hahahahahahahahahaha
Serj: So anyway, are you still mad at me?
Shavo: I told you already, I'll only forgive you if you get a swirly
Serj: Alright.. alright fine..
Shavo: Hey guys! I'm giving Serj a swirly!
Daron and John followed Serj and Shavo to the bathroom, not wanting
to miss such an event.
Shavo: OK Serjie, go ahead.
Serj: I will be traumatized for a long time by this, you do realize
that right?
Shavo: Yup!
Serj: I hate you
Serj bent over, cringing before sticking his face into the toilet.
Shavo, almost crying from laughter, pushed the handle down.
After a few disgusting moments for Serj, he pulled his soaked
face and front of his hair out.
Serj: Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!!!
Daron, Shavo, and John were hysterical laughing.
Serj: Hey guys
They looked up. He violently shook his head, sending toilet
water spraying all over them.
Daron: Not cool, man, not cool!
John: Eww!
Shavo: It was still worth it.
Shavo got up and got his cell phone, which had a digital camera
built into it, and snapped a couple pictures of Serj before he
could do anything. He quickly emailed them to a bunch of people.
Serj: I'm gonna kill you!
Shavo: Hey, it's revenge, you can't revenge revenge.
Serj: I guess that's fair.. but EWW gimme a towel or something!!
Shavo: I don't have one
Serj resorted to using paper towels. He looked at the clock.
They had one hour before they got to Washington. He couldn't
wait to just get there. Suddenly a flight attendent came out
from the front of the plane.
Flight attendent: Would you gentlemen like some refreshments?
Daron: BEER!
Serj: Daron, be polite.
Daron: Can I have a beer?
Serj: Grammar..
Daron: *sigh* MAY I have a beer?
Serj: Good boy.
Flight attendent: That's a guy?? I mean, sure... sir? ma'am?
The flight attendent hurried quickly through the doorway into
the front of the plane.
Daron: She thought I was a girl???
Serj: Well, you are wearing a dress..
Daron: I kind of have a beard, Serj.
Serj: Hmm, maybe she's just stupid.
Daron: That would be it.
They just sat there for a while. Daron got his beer and pointed
out his beard to the flight attendant. She nodded and hurried
away. Serj went back to reading, Daron stole Shavo's CD player
and listened to it, Shavo watched TV, and John fell asleep yet
again. The pilot came onto the loud speaker a while later.
Pilot: Hello again, we're about to land, I hope you had a fun trip
and have fun at the White House!
The plane landed at the airport, and they were taken to the White
House in a big GMC.
Daron: We don't even get a motorcade!! How rude!
Shavo: Shut up. Hey look, we're almost there.
The driver drove slowly, painfully obeying every traffic law
known. Finally they pulled up to the gates. The driver talked
to the security guys and the gates opened. They pulled up to the
front of the White House. Bush was waiting for them.
Bush: Welcome! How're you doing?
He shook all their hands.
The pres eyed Daron. He leaned over and whispered to Serj.
Bush: Who's the broad?
Serj: Uhh, that would be Daron.
Bush: She here with you?
Serj: Umm, well you see..
Bush: Yes or no?
Serj: I guess not..
Bush strode over to Daron, flirting shamelessly. Daron looked
at his bandmates, confused.
Serj: Mr. President, Daron here is our guitarist.. and HE's a guy..
Bush: Oops! Ummm.. I.. I knew he was a guy.. I was just joking hahahahaha.
SOAD: .......... ha.. haha..
Bush: Well what do you say we head inside?
They walked through a door and up a flight of steps. They came
out into a hallway lined with pictures of the president, his
wife, his daughters, and a nauseating amount of American flags.
They walked into a lounge type room.
Bush: Make yourself at home!
They sat down on a big couch. Bush sat in a chair across from them.
Bush: The wife should be down any second, she's just gotta finish
up with that douche.
Daron: What???
Bush: Uhhhhhh I mean, she has to.. put on.. makeup! She's putting
on makeup.. So anyway, I've heard you guys are very into politics
and stuff. Got anything on your mind?
Serj: Well, yes, I have many concerns involving
Bush quickly interrupted.
Bush: Does anyone smell pizza? I smell pizza for some reason..
hey look the radio. Let's play the radio!
He got up and turned on a radio. The Dixie Chicks came blasting
through the speakers.
Bush: Hey it's the Dixie Bitches. Can you believe they said that?
How dare they insult me!!!
Serj: They apologized... even though they shouldn't have
Bush: What? They SHOULDN'T have apologized?? Just what do you
mean by that???
Serj: I just think
Bush quickly interrupted again.
Bush: Now where is Laura? She should be clean by now!
He walked out of the room.
Shavo: This is really stupid. Can't we eat?
Serj: Shavo, be patient. This is an opportunity to voice our
concerns about the government.
John: Too bad he won't let you finish a sentence.
Daron: I'm hungry!!!!
Bush re-entered the room, with his wife this time.
The band stood up to shake her hand. Laura whispered to Serj.
Laura: Who's the girl?
Serj: That's Daron, but
Laura: She's so beautiful!!!
Serj: Mrs. Bush I don't think
She paid Serj no attention and began hitting on Daron. Daron
looked at his friends confused, for the second time today.
Bush: Umm, honey, *whispers* that's a guy!
Laura: Oooooooooh, um, heh. Woops.
Daron: I would like to point out to everyone that I have a BEARD!
He held up his beard triumphantly.
They went and sat back down. There was an awkward silence for
a few minutes.
Bush: Hmm, my daughters should be coming down any second..
SOAD burst out laughing.
Bush and Laura: ........
Serj: Umm, heh, we're laughing at... uh.. an inside joke?
Laura: Oh I just LOVE those! Do explain!
The guys looked at eachother.
Daron: Well, you see, umm there was... these lesbians..
Serj jabbed his heel into Daron's foot.
Daron: OWWWWWW! What was that for???
Serj glared at Daron.
Daron: Oooooooh I remember we're not supposed to say anything
about the pictures of the
Serj: MONKEYS! We weren't supposed to say anything about the
monkeys.
The Bush twins came into the room, obviously drunk.
Barbara: Ooo she's so hot!
The girls staggered over to Daron sat on his lap. This nearly
crushed poor little Daron, but he was just ecstatic to have two
drunk lesbian twins sitting on him.
Laura: GIRLS! Did you break into me and your father's liquor
stash again?
Twins: Maybe... hehehehe
Bush: Oh well, we'll get more later. Anyway, now that we're all
here, I think we should go to the dining room.
Much to Daron's dismay, the twins got up and followed the others
into the dining room. They all took random seats, the twins ending
up on either side of Daron. Laura sat across from him. Bush sat
at the head of the table, Serj and Shavo on either side of him.
John was next to Laura. Almost immediately Daron's leg was getting
felt up by Laura's foot. He started blushing, and then he looked
over a Shavo and Serj. They had the same flustered look. It turns
out our president here had taken a liking to rubbing Serj and
Shavo's legs. John was oblivious to all this. Daron figured
he probably shouldn't play along, considering this was the
president's wife. He pulled his feet back under his chair where
Laura couldn't reach them. Serj and Shavo had no such luck, considering
the president was next to them, not across from them.
Serj: Umm, can you stop?
Shavo: Seriously, man, we don't swing that way
Bush: What? I'm not doing anything..
Bush kept his hands to himself the rest of the night. A butler
guy came in and told them dinner would be ready in five minutes.
There was another few minutes of awkward silence. Bush then
noticed how beat up Serj and Shavo were.
Bush: You two look foughtedable. What happened?
Shavo: Foughtedable???
Serj: I think he means... actually I have no idea.
Laura: He means you look like you got in a fight. Don't feel bad,
sometimes I don't have the slightest idea what he's talking
about. Actually, I usually never do...
Bush: So what happened to you two?
Daron: They got
Bush's sick mind went to work and he interrupted Daron.
Bush: Rough in bed? I thought you guys didn't swing that way *wink*
Shavo: Eww dude, we got in a fight, not rough in bed...
Bush: oh.. *looks disappointed*
Daron: Haha Shavo said DUDE!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha
Everyone else: .........................
Daron: It was funny at the time..
Shavo: No it wasn't
Daron: I'm HUNGRY!!!!
Serj: Daron! Manners!!!!
Daron: But I hate manners!!
Serj glared at Daron.
Serj: No screaming inside. Now what do you have to say for yourself?
Daron: *rolls eyes* Sorry.
Serj: Good boy
Jenna: That's a guy?!
Barbara: How could you lie to us?
Daron: I never said I was a girl!
Twins: Ooooooh...
Barbara: Hmmm, well, he still has some threesome potential...
Daron: Yay!
Bush: That is daughters inpropried just like the illiterate children!
Others: .............?
Then a couple waiters came out carrying huge trays of food.
Bush: So who's up for some deep-fried... whatever we're eating?
The waiters lifted the lids to the trays. It was every kind of
meat you could imagine, fried to artery-clogging perfection.
Serj: Umm.. I'm a vegetarian.
Bush: You're a.. WHAT?!
Serj: I'm a vegetarian.
Bush: OK, so have some chicken.
Serj: Chicken is meat.
Bush: No it's not! It comes from turkeys!
Serj was stifling laughter at the president's stupidity.
Serj: Well, actually it comes from chickens... and chicken is meat.
At this point, Daron grabbed some beef, stuffed it in his mouth,
and him and the twins went to the twin's room.
Shavo: Lucky b***h.
John: But but but I want some lesbians too!
Jenna: We could have a.. six way? Or.. five? Four? Wow I'm so drunk
Daron: There is no way in hell I'm getting in the same bed with
Shavo and John.
Shavo: Yeah I'll pass. I don't need that trauma.
John: Hmm, how about Daron and Shavo wait out here, and I go with
the twins.
Daron: No way!
John: Yes way!
Daron: No!
John: Yes!
Daron: No!
John: Yes!
Daron: No!
John: Hey why don't we ask the twins... Hey where's the twins?
And where's Shavo?
Daron: That b*****d! I was meant to have a threesome with the
twins! Not him! MEEEEEEE!!
While all this had been going on, Dubya, Laura, and Serj had all
sitting there, listening.
Serj: Aren't you gonna do something?
Bush: Nope. It's happened many times before. You know, I used
to experiment when I was their age... if you know what I mean *wink*
Serj: Ewww...
Bush: I mean do you know how many abortions my girls have had? Haha
Serj: I thought you were against abortion?
Bush: Ummmmm, I mean, heh, how many... kids that were adopted!
Yes, they had them then we adopted them out. Abortion is bad!
Serj: OK, sure, I believe you...
Bush: *not catching sarcasm* Good.
Daron and John returned to the table, obviously disappointed.
Bush: Don't feel too bad, your.. Shavo is it? He'll be so ridden
with STD's by the time he's done, I'll doubt he'll ever have sex
again.
This brightened John and Daron's mood a bit. They all started
eating the food, since it was free and all. Serj looked on in disgust.
He drank some water, spitting it out as soon as he did. It turns
out the water's deep-fried too. (MWAHAHA! I loathe me!) He sat
there watching everyone else eat, almost jealous. Not jealous
enough to actually eat any of it, though. Bush looked up, noticing
Serj wasn't eating anything, totally forgetting the conversation
from two minutes ago. He began speaking with a mouth full of steak.
Bush: Aren't you gonna eat anything?
Serj: I told you, I'm a vegetarian.
Bush: So eat some chicken!
Serj: ....
John: Didn't you guys have the exact same conversation a while ago?
Serj: Yes
Bush: Huh? We did not! Wait... trying.. to.. remember..
Laura: Don't strain yourself dear, it's more than you're brain
can handle.
Bush: Almost.. remembering.. something.. too.. much.. information..
*passes out*
Daron: That was.. weird
Laura: It happens all the time
John: That's no surprise
Bush stayed passed out for another five minutes. During that
time Laura's foot made its way onto John's. What she didn't know
is that he's extremely ticklish, and he spit his drink and burst
out laughing when she even slightly touched him. Serj and Daron
stared at him. Laura decided to never touch John again. John
wondered what the hell had touched his foot. Finally Bush woke up.
Bush: NO DADDY NO! I WANT TO SPIT IT OUT!!!
Serj: What the ********: Ummm... My college buddy's nickname was Daddy..
Serj: Again, ewwww...
Bush: Hahahahahahahaha I just noticed you have an accent
Serj: Uhh
Bush: I never knew you were Korean
Serj: I'm not Korean...
Bush: Those Korean bastards, they have those creepy eyes...
Laura: Dear, we're not supposed to make fun of others when we
have dinner guests
Bush: Oh, right. Heh, those Middle Eastern ********, though, those
are some scary folks
Serj, Daron, and John: .................
Laura glared at Bush, motioning towards Serj, Daron, and John.
Bush: What?
Laura glared at him again. He obviously wasn't getting it.
Bush: What? Is there something on my face?
John: I think what she's trying to say is, we're Middle Eastern.
Bush: Oooooooooh... Wait what?
John: We're Middle Eastern
Bush: So THAT'S why you talk so funny *points to Serj*
Serj: Ummm, personally I don't think I talk funny
Daron: No you seriously do talk funny
John: Definitely
Serj: ... Shut up!
(A.N.: I personally think Serj's speaking voice is awesome,
and I've tried to talk in the Serj accent, it's really hard to
do... but ummm yeah ok..)
Bush suddenly started jerking around, holding his chest.
Bush: Pain.. arteries... clogged!!!
Bush passed out again. Laura casually walked out of the room,
returning with one of those shock things that they put on your
chest and your heart starts beating again (I forget what those
things are called...) She pushed it onto his chest and it shocked
him, he bolted upright.
Bush: OK, I'm back. Heh, just goes to show what happens when you
eat this food
Daron and John looked at eachother, not eating anymore.
Then suddenly BANG CRASH!!!! A secretary came running down
the hall and into the room.
Secretary: Mr. President! Some scary terrorist people have
invaded the building! There's one!!!!!!*points to Serj*
Serj: I'm not a terrorist! What the hell is your problem?
Then a terrorist guy grabbed the secretary from behind, hitting
her really hard and knocking her out.
Daron: ******** of them got up from the table, following Bush into the next
room. He locked the door behind them.
Bush: What do I do?!?!
Serj: You're the president and you don't know what to do in a terrorist
attack?
Laura: What about the girls?
John: And Shavo
Bush: You set this up, didn't you?
Daron: No we didn't! How the ******** could you accuse us of that!
John: I'm not surprised. You heard him bashing Koreans and Muslims.
Serj: This is no time for fighting, we have to think of a way to
get Shavo and the girls.
Bush: Screw them! I'm saving myself!
Daron: They're your daughters!
Laura: Who cares?
Bush quickly opened a window and jumped out, Laura followed
him. Serj, Daron, and John watched as they ran across the lawn
and quickly got caught by the terrorists.
John: Idiots.
Daron: What do we do?! What do we do?!
Serj: Calm down, let's think about this
Suddenly a gunshot came through the open window and went to the
opposite wall.
Daron: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk
John: Holy ********: That can't be good..
The door bust open and three terrorist guys tackled them and
handcuffed them. Daron started thrashing around, which resulted
in the guy who was holding him brutally beating him with some
nail clippers. He was knocked unconscious when he got hit in
the arm with the file part. Serj and John cooperated, not wanting
the same fate as poor Daron. They took them to the basement and
brought them into a room filled with captured secret service
guys and White House workers. They were being supervised by
only one guy, since they were all handcuffed. The guy walked
over to a TV and turned it on. It had a live shot of numerous police
cars, ambulances, military vehicles, and people gathered
around the White House. The reporter was jabbering about how
the president was being held at gun point and the terrorists
would shoot him if the law enforcement tried to intervene. Serj
looked around the room, noticing Shavo and the twins weren't
there. He figured they probably escaped or hadn't been found
yet. He was still a little worried about them though. He focused
on the TV again. He didn't see Shavo in the crowd either, not that
he could have anyway. It was a huge crowd.
Serj: John, do you think Shavo's gonna be ok? He's not here..
John looked around. He didn't see Shavo either.
John: Don't you think they would have found him by now? He was
only two rooms away from us...
Serj: He probably escaped.. or something
They both turned and looked at the TV. They started laughing
as soon as they saw the screen. It was George Bush, in a thong.
It wasn't even a men's thong. John considered feeling sorry
for the president, since it must be painful, but he chose to laugh
at his pain instead. Serj looked around. Him, John, and the terrorist
guy were the only ones laughing. He rolled his eyes. This must
be great for their reputation. He turned to the TV again when
Bush started speaking.
Bush: I am an idiot. A complete idiot. I.. oh come on guys I'm not
saying THAT!
In the backround a shot was fired.
Bush: OK then, I ate my dog's s**t and if my wife doesn't douche
every day she smells like some kind of wild boar. *Under his breath*
Hmmm that's true really.
John had tears streaming down his face from laughing. Then the
terrorists showed a copy of an I.Q. test they had given the president.
He'd gotten a 70.
Serj: Hmm Tom Morello did have a point there... (A.N.: Axis of
Justice radio, it's great cuz it's Serj's and Tom Morello's
radio show! Axisofjustice.com!!)
The terrorist turned it to Queer Eye for the Straight guy.
John: I love this show!!!
Serj rolled his eyes. The show was on for an hour. Then Boy Meets
Boy came on.
Serj: This show is for Daron
John: Definitely
This was on for another hour. Serj looked back at the other people.
They glared at him, still not forgetting how he laughed at the
president in a thong. They all looked scared, too. He wasn't
that scared, it seemed like these terrorists were calm enough
not to really kill anyone. He looked back at the screen. The show
had been interrupted for a Special Report. It showed the police's
*secret* mission through the vents of the white house that was
"sure to completely surprise and eventually defeat the terrorists".
The terrorist ran out of the room screaming and shooting his
gun into the vents.
John: Oh ******** shakey woman from the back screamed up at Serj.
Shakey woman: Why do you do this to us?
Serj: Uh.. what?
Shakey woman: You terrorist devils!!!
Serj: I'm not a terrorist! Why do you people keep calling me a
terrorist?!
Their guard came back with another guy. He had a video camera.
He told the camera that since the police had attempted to interfere,
they were going to kill all of the hostages. Serj and John looked
at eachother, both getting more and more scared. Daron started
waking up, but John figured he'd be better off passed out for
the time being, so he punched him in the back of the head and knocked
him out. One of the terrorists grabbed a secret service guy and
held a gun to his head. He waited until the camera guy got in front
of him. He was just about to pull the trigger when he was hit from
behind with a d***o. He turned around, dropping the secret service
guy. There was Shavo and the twins. Shavo had a sheet tied around
his neck like a cape. He had on hugely baggy shorts, and "S" written
on his chest with lipstick, and his beard was somehow in an S shape.
The twins were on either side of him. They both had on a bra and
miniskirt. Jenna's were blue with white stars and Barbara's
were striped red and white. They both had thongs on their heads.
Serj: What the hell are you doing?
Shavo: Why, good citizen, I am defending the innocent, defeating
evil,...um.. and other stuff... because I'm SUPER-SHAVO!!!
Twins: And we're the...
Barbara: Wait, what were we called again?
Jenna: Weeeee I'm so drunk... again! hahahahahahahaha *drool*
Shavo: To the Shavo-cave!
Barbara: Uhhh weren't we supposed to save the people first?
Shavo: ... ah yes! So, um, yeah.. let's save them.
The guys had conveniantly waited until the end of the speech
to begin attacking Shavo and the twins. One of them shot the gun
at Shavo, but he dodged it and did this whole Matrix thing and
kicked him in the face. Then the other guy came over and grabbed
Shavo from behind. The twins ran over and kicked him, scratched
him, and flung stuff at him. Nothing really worked. Then Jenna
got out a used condom she happened to be carrying and stretched
it out and covered his nose and mouth with it. He struggled, but
it was stuck on there, and he lost consciousness from lack of oxygen.
Shavo: Good work. Now we must release the hostages.
The twins ran to the nearest people, trying to get the handcuffs
off. They resorted to biting through them, which confused many
people, since they were knawing through metal. Daron woke up
right when one of them was biting his handcuffs off.
Daron: Oooo, kinky
John: Hehe, that's what I was thinking
Serj: You're so immature, it's just two lesbian twins, knawing
through some handcuffs, drunk as all hell... um ok never mind.
Once everyone's handcuffs were off, Shavo, Serj, Daron, and
John tried to think of an escape plan.
John: How about we go through the vents?
Serj: Um, the terrorists are shooting guns into the vents.
Daron: The window?
Serj: We're in the basement.
John: Why don't we just wait until the police come help us?
At that very moment, three police officers ran through the doorway.
Police officer 1: HIDE ME!
Police officer 2: Eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!
They ran to the corner of the room, behind everyone. Shots were
fired into the room at the police. They ran around screaming
like idiots, even though they had on bullet-proof vests and
helmets. Shavo, Serj, and John ran back and grabbed the policemen's
guns, not trusting Daron with one. They ran to the doorway, shooting
at the terrorists. They slowly advanced to the first floor and
ran out the door. The secretaries and secret service ran out
across the lawn towards the police. Serj, Shavo and John hung
back to shoot at anyone who was shooting at them, but it was unneccessary.
All the terrorists were just watching Daron. One of them ran
up to Daron and started hitting on him. Daron screamed about
his beard and how he doesn't look like a girl at all. The terrorist
kind of looked at him funny and walked back to the whitehouse.
SOAD walked over to safety, and everyone had already heard about
how they saved everyone. They were thanked and celebrated over
for a while. Finally, after a long day in D.C., it was time to go
home.
The plane ride back
John: Can you believe how incredibly easy it was to fight the
terrorists.
Serj: Yup, it's strange.
Daron: I'm still mad at John for knocking me out.
John: You know you would have been freaking out if you were awake.
Daron: But now I have a headache!
Serj: Just be happy you're not Shavo.
(Shavo's POV)
It ITCHES!!!! IT ITCHES!!!!!!!!
Yup that's my story. It took a while, but it's done. Sorry for
the over-use of the word terrorist, I just couldn't think of
a synonym..
Brought to you by the GuitarMasta
http://www.guitarmasta.net/s/system_of_a_down/339011.html 
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