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[post is useless to me now]

this is extremely over-generalized. where did you get this information that it will take "5 years" to learn the difference between wa and ga, and such? what kind of scientific proof do you have to back that up?

i'm not disagreeing with what you're saying, but what you've just posted is not helping. it's only discouraging those who actually want to learn. it sounds like you're encouraging people to give up since they'll never get it anyway. why will they never get it? because they're just not japanese, so it's hopeless.

and i hope you understand that this guild is not a microcosm of japanese learners outside of japan. if you've come to these conclusions mainly based on your experience with learners here, i think that's wrong.

HOLOCAUST IS GREEK FOR LEARNING JAPANESE

so i hear you are learning japanese! you poor poor child:

The japanese can read minds. you can say a few words and apparently understand you. this is called context (context. [noun] 1.your screwed 2. japanese mind reading). this is why you can go into a hotel and say "I..." and tehn point to your head. the japanese guy will probably pick up his gun and say "begone you foregin infidel, you shall not have my daughters!!!" you better run because you were probably thinking something gross about hs daughters.

Japanese people can only make about 102 sounds. No, really. As a result, it’s incredibly difficult for Japanese people to correctly pronounce other languages. This is why simple English words like, “TV” sounds like “terraybi” in Japanese.

On the other hand, much to your benefit, pronouncing Japanese is a cinch. Unfortunately, your brain has been so thoroughly messed up by English that for some reason “karaoke” looks like “kery-okay”. I mean look at the word “thoroughly”, just look at it. Does the spelling make any sense? So the next time you ask in Japanese, “Where is the elevator?” and the Japanese person smiles and says, “yua japaniizu bery guddo” and just walks away, you’ll know that it’s really your fault he thought you were speaking in Swahili.

Katakana are used only to spell out foreign words in a thick, crippling japanese accent, so that you'll have no idea what you're saying even though it's in English. However, if you remember one simple rule for Katakana, you'll find reading Japanese much easier: Whenever something is written in Katakana, it's an English word! (note: Katakana is also used for non-english foreign words. And sound effects, and Japanese words). No need to worry, because you'll hardly ever have to read Katakana in "real life".

Kanji are letters that were stolen from China. Every time the Japanese invaded China (which was very often) they'd just take a few more letters, so now they have an estimated 400 milliom of them. Kanji each consist of several "strokes", which must be written in a specific order, and convey a specific meaning, like "horse", or "girl". Not only that, but Kanji can combined to form new words. For example, if you combine the Kanji for "small", and "woman", you get the word "carbeurator". Kanji also have different pronounciations depending on where they are in the word, how old you are, and what day it is. When European settlers first came upon Japan, the Japanese scholars suggested that Europse adopt the Japanese written language as a "universal" language understood by all parties. This was the cause of World War 2 several years later. Don't worry, however, since you'll never have to use kanji in "real life", since most Japanese gave up on reading a long, long time ago, and now spend most of their time playing Pokemon

For some reason, most Japanese people are brainwashed from childhood to have an irrepressible desire to learn how to speak English. This is quite sad because it’s practically impossible considering how much more difficult English is compared to Japanese. But that doesn’t stop them for trying for 10 or 20 years. What results is a very interesting language that, unfortunately, no one understands. So remember, as long as you are either 1) fluent in Japanese, or 2) own a 200 processor Beowulf cluster that can parse Japanese English into real English, you should have no problems finding help from "english" spekaing japanese.

it didnt offend me. (sources: me, and internet)

Ah geez. I love this thing.

mwahaha that was hilarious, both of those 'essays' were amazing. They remind me of friend of mine, but he's a real jerk in ways.

wow, i wonder if the original author is in my japanese class. this is identical! i can definitely point out all 3 types of those japanese students. and, yes, they usually are failing. as for myself, i do like anime, but not to the extent of otaku. not even close. these days i'm more interested in watching music, talk, or variety bangumi than i am in anime.

my class has a lot of deer caught in the headlights. when sensei has people read passages from the textbook, sometimes it's very painful to get through. needless to say, i think my classmates need to study kana again, even though this is not a beginner course. i swear, i'm one of two people who knows katakana. stare

but... but... but... i want to pretend it's real and collect hundreds of figures and dolls!!! i think that's better than having a life or a girlfriend! 現実よりフィギュアの方がいいよ！

・・・・・なんちゃって！！ gonk gonk gonk *vomits*