From a very early age, I learned what words were “bad.” If I were to say them, my mother warned, I would be in deep crapola. I, of course, was well schooled in the playground slang that was used all of the time. I informed my mother that the correct word that she should use was “s**t.” I was sent to my room with my mother close behind, soap bar in hand. What has fascinated me is the impact that this word has on people. You can say “crap,” “crud,” or even the less used “dung” but why not “s**t”? Perhaps it is the unglorious way it rolls off of the tongue. People just try to cover it up. Or maybe “s**t” is used so little because it’s usually used in dire situations. “My-patent-leather-shoes-just-got-covered-in-sewage” might warrant an “oh crap,” but it’s really got to be bad when you resort to “s**t.”
s**t sounds like s**t. It’s almost a sound effect. In the way that it rolls off of the tongue, so it also makes an auditory connection to the action of waste products hitting the toilet bowl. From this, you can see where “s**t hits the fan” comes from. You can practically hear this mental picture. s**t also has a smell to it. Not like “crap” which just sounds like aftermath. Or even “dung” which is reminiscent of animals. No, s**t is the actual process of letting loose the remains of the Thanksgiving feast that you stuffed down your throat a few hours earlier. s**t isn’t dainty. It’s in your face. It smells terrible, even as a word. No matter how you think about it, getting dung on your shoes isn’t half as bad as getting s**t on them. It’s a stench that just can’t be washed away.
It’s often funny to watch someone try and cover up a swearword. It seems to happen doubly for “s**t.” When my cousin lost her keys in San Francisco, we frantically searched for them all over the book store that we had just left. She kept up a very steady stream of “s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t, s**t…” in every section except the children’s area. She started “Oh sh-” and then sighed out “eesh” to hide her near slip. I could practically hear the “it” hanging in the air, unused. s**t is violent, angry, and connected to almost a dozen different meanings, all of which are unpleasant. s**t is the number one no-no when on a date. Imagine using “I gotta take a s**t” with your date and see how long she stays. However, s**t is very useful at parties. Especially drinking parties, where there are sweaty, crotch-scratching, drinking males. s**t has a field day. “I don’t give a s**t,” “That’s so shitty,” or the party favorite “s**t! The beer’s almost gone!” Even in a place where s**t is used so freely, it’s still a little to harsh for some slang connoisseurs who prefer words with softer sounds like “damn” or “friggin.” No matter where it’s used, s**t is a hard word.
Everyone’s had one of those “I wanna crawl in a hole and die” kind of days. This is a prime time to pull s**t out of your bag of slang. When the Lone Ranger is trapped in a mine with ten sticks of dynamite tied to him, he isn’t going to turn to his faithful sidekick and say, “Well, crap, I guess we’re done for.” He’s going to say “Holy s**t! Get this dynamite off of me or I’m going to shove that kemosabe up your a**!” s**t can also be used in disappointment; “s**t, that twelve foot shark got away.” It also comes in handy when describing someone that you hate with a passion; “That little s**t, I’ll get him one of these days.”
Regardless of what we think, s**t doesn’t care. Save the sympathy and love for a softer, more lovable term. s**t will always be a hard, angry, upstart of a word; it prefers things that way. It is graphic and disgusting, but you’ve got to give it credit. Not all words come with a sensory barrage.
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