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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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 Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:31 pm
Okay, this is the first poem I've actually ever written, so please don't laugh too hard. I'd just like to post it so I can get some constructive concrit and eventually get better. Please let me know what you think and maybe give me a few helpful tips. Thanks.
Why?
By cyberwitch-2006
Why must you leave me so sudden? So soon?
We've only just met and you're going already,
Why not stay until the rise of the moon?
Now that you're going... Who will keep me steady?
Must I live like this forever?
Must I live so alone?
Must I live with you for much longer?
Why?
I ask although I know the answer,
I cry although I know it won't help.
I scream and yell until my throat is too hoarse to speak any longer,
Yet nobody comes and I'm still by myself.
The single red rose that lies at my feet,
seems to whither at the sense of my feeble defeat.
If I must live like this because I am a monster,
Then why must I live at all?
Must I live like this forever?
Why?
Must I live alone 'til I die?
Why?
Must I live forever without the man that I love?
Yes.
Why?
Just because I am me.
Because I am me.
(P.S. I know my rhyming is totally crap. It's definately not my strong point). And don't please keep in mind, this poem was just a bunch of my midnight ramblings. I have lots of those... xp
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Posted: Sat Jun 11, 2005 11:32 pm
ooh, that's good...I think I'll print that out.
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:29 am
You really liked it? wow.... Not bad for a first attempt then!! mrgreen
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2005 1:24 pm
Tho my heart is torn to his small bits
I live on
My hallow husk of a heart is lifless
atfer the love you gave is gone
The tears my bleeding heart are in vain
I cannot live without that light of your love
yet I must.
I miss the warm of your body
I miss the sweetness of your lips
but I live on, But it is barly living without you.
(Sorry I always like to write atfer a good poem)
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Wed Jun 15, 2005 11:49 am
Thanks for that! It was great to read!! ^^
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2005 6:33 am
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Wed Jun 22, 2005 9:34 am
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:25 pm
Krell Vaco Tho my heart is torn to his small bits I live on My hallow husk of a heart is lifless atfer the love you gave is gone The tears my bleeding heart are in vain I cannot live without that light of your love yet I must. I miss the warm of your body I miss the sweetness of your lips but I live on, But it is barly living without you. (Sorry I always like to write atfer a good poem) DANG! That is pretty good, just check your spelling...
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:30 pm
Jehosaphat Krell Vaco Tho my heart is torn to his small bits I live on My hallow husk of a heart is lifless atfer the love you gave is gone The tears my bleeding heart are in vain I cannot live without that light of your love yet I must. I miss the warm of your body I miss the sweetness of your lips but I live on, But it is barly living without you. (Sorry I always like to write atfer a good poem) DANG! That is pretty good, just check your spelling... Yes. Yes it was... What do you think of mine?
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 6:29 pm
Your poem is very good, cyber-witch, especially just for "midnight ramblings." I can't tell whether I absolutely hate the "why" parts at the end, or absolutely love them. It's one of those wierd things. It tears you on whether to like it or not, hmm, kind of like love. . . ahem, very good, very good poem indeed.
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 11:01 pm
Awwww. *sniff* Sad. But good. ^_^ I like it.
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 6:05 am
^^ i wrote a poem with the same title a while back, thought would be nice to share with you ^^
yours has strong emotions, very good. at first i had reservations about some of the phrases which were abit cliche and reminiscent of love peoms, but for midnight ramblings i think they convey the emotions out fully ^^
enjoy~
Why?
By Sukunami Taka
A small voice,
He looked up at me,
And asked,
Papa, why?
I smiled, it's okay,
Beneath white lights,
He seem so small,
His eyes opened,
And asked,
Papa, why?
I shook my head, it's okay,
Gentle mummurs,
A warm caress,
In my thoughts,
He asked,
Papa, why?
I sighed and hoped, it's okay,
Beneath dim lights,
He held my hand,
So small in mine,
And asked,
Papa, why?
Refusing to let go, it's okay,
Fainter and fainter,
He stared at me,
And asked,
Papa, why?
I have no answer, it's okay,
The sound beeped still,
His eyes closed,
A voice whispered,
Papa, why does it hurt?
I have no answer,
For my sweet child,
I ask myself,
Yes papa, why?
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 8:37 pm
Takakun ^^ i wrote a poem with the same title a while back, thought would be nice to share with you ^^ yours has strong emotions, very good. at first i had reservations about some of the phrases which were abit cliche and reminiscent of love peoms, but for midnight ramblings i think they convey the emotions out fully ^^ enjoy~ Why? By Sukunami Taka A small voice, He looked up at me, And asked, Papa, why? I smiled, it's okay, Beneath white lights, He seem so small, His eyes opened, And asked, Papa, why? I shook my head, it's okay, Gentle mummurs, A warm caress, In my thoughts, He asked, Papa, why? I sighed and hoped, it's okay, Beneath dim lights, He held my hand, So small in mine, And asked, Papa, why? Refusing to let go, it's okay, Fainter and fainter, He stared at me, And asked, Papa, why? I have no answer, it's okay, The sound beeped still, His eyes closed, A voice whispered, Papa, why does it hurt? I have no answer, For my sweet child, I ask myself, Yes papa, why?
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 8:05 am
Yes it is nice...
Maybe I'll write some more poems at midnight xDD It seems to bring out the best in me... Most of my work is midnight stuff... -blinks- I guess I'm nocturnal...
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 7:09 am
Takakun ^^ i wrote a poem with the same title a while back, thought would be nice to share with you ^^ yours has strong emotions, very good. at first i had reservations about some of the phrases which were abit cliche and reminiscent of love peoms, but for midnight ramblings i think they convey the emotions out fully ^^ enjoy~ Why? By Sukunami Taka A small voice, He looked up at me, And asked, Papa, why? I smiled, it's okay, Beneath white lights, He seem so small, His eyes opened, And asked, Papa, why? I shook my head, it's okay, Gentle mummurs, A warm caress, In my thoughts, He asked, Papa, why? I sighed and hoped, it's okay, Beneath dim lights, He held my hand, So small in mine, And asked, Papa, why? Refusing to let go, it's okay, Fainter and fainter, He stared at me, And asked, Papa, why? I have no answer, it's okay, The sound beeped still, His eyes closed, A voice whispered, Papa, why does it hurt? I have no answer, For my sweet child, I ask myself, Yes papa, why? I loooooooooooooved this one. It was really deep. I liked it because it concerned not only one person's feelings, but his interaction with his son. It was interesting. As for the first one, that one was well written, though the formality almost turned me off of it at first. I really really liked the ending because we learn the reeason for all the heartbreak. heart Woohoo!
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