Welcome to Gaia! ::

I've been going through a really hard time at school and at home lately. Everyone at school criticizes me because of what I beleive in and who I am. I can't help that I am bi and that I have a girlfreind and a boyfreind...I can't help that the music I listen to isn't what they like or my religion is different.I'm not like them you know?
My grades at school have been really bad.Going from A's and B's to D's and F's.I have been(and still am) grounded. So when stuff like that happened at school I didn't get to talk to anyone who understood what I was going through.Then last week my boyfreind said he was probably going to break up with me because of the long distance between us.(we live in seperate states)I didn't know what else to do.Then my gramma kept pressuring me to keep my room clean and to do this and do that.When I would do it, it was never to her specific taste so I'd have to redo it.
I was so emotional and I asked this girl at my school(she is a cutter),she said that if I did it she would tell someone and then I would have to go to CH because I'm a threat to myself.The bad part is..even though I didnt' want to do it..I found myself in my room a couple nights later.My stereo blasting MCR and a razor blade to my wrist.Blood on my clothes and everything.I actually cut myself.After that I was so scared that the girl would tell and I'd have to go to CH..because if I didn't and someone found out then all of my freinds and myself would have to go.

I can't stop cutting myself...I need help..but turning myself in?Is there another way?

Of course there's another way. Take a little advice, cutter to cutter. There was a time in my life that like you i couldn't stop cutting (okay, so that way around a month ago) and now my boyfriend broke up with me and i've cut even more recently. You have to get it out. You can't bottle things inside. Write poetry, stories, sing, play an instrument. Maybe the cutting won't stop, but try to stiffle it. Everytime you want to cut, just think about someone you love. Try hacking away at paper, or your clothes or an old stuffed animal instead. the only way you can stop is by stopping yourself. You have to learn self control, or if you do have it, then better it, hone in on it. try just crying your eyes out and punching a wall. I know these things may not work as well, but try them. and maybe try meditation. or lots of sleep. i'll try and think up some more (better) advice when i can get back on the net. I'm soo sorry and i wish i could help more. btw, if you ever need any console and happen to seem that i'm on, don't be afraid to pm me, i'll be willing to talk or just listen. ^-^

There's nothing left,
But hate and dread,
Don't give yourself in,
Let it go or be dead,
The world around may not seem to care,
But there's someone out there waiting, they have time to spare,
on someone forgotten, someone in need,
all you need to do is yell out and plead,
They'll listen to your crys and yell back crys of their own,
Then together, as equals, you won't be alone.

A poem for you, i hope it helps at least a little.