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 Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 1:28 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2005 7:48 pm
I like it. It is impactful and told with passion and emotion that can move you. Good job.
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 9:15 pm
It is full of emotion, which is always a good thing, but at times it feels like you're trying to put too much in a line. Because it is a poem, don't be afraid to abbreviate or take out words which might not be needed. It'll help the flow and make the poem a bit better. Also, punctuation is good and helps the reader know when to pause or when a new thought is starting. As I usually say though, these are just some things I would do, but you might have a reason for everything you did. Overall, I think this poem is very good and conveys your emotions very well biggrin
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 5:43 am
It...lacks something skilled poets, not like myself totally, have. You shouldn't have rhymed it, except that it's not deep-sounding enough to be non-rhthmic. The words "lemonade" and "goo" ruined this poem for me... sweatdrop
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 6:11 pm
This is really nice. I like it. The only thing is, I don't really think goo goes with it. Otherwise, I think this is a great poem, full of emotion. You get the point across well. ^_^
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