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Well, to put it simply, of late the only thing my mind seems to be able to think about is this bunch of negative feelings that seems to be growing larger and larger no matter what I do; I think it might be trying to manifest itself in my conscious mind now.

Well, at first I just thought it was part of my normal misanthropic tendancies. (Heh, those probably aren't helping this get any better.) But then it was almost as if something were speaking to me. Not quite in words, but in the most basic subconscious wavelength that can be described somewhat as a definition. The meaning put behind something without the use of words having to act as a medium. And it was telling me to completely shut out everyone else so I'd one day be ready to just go out and kill people randomly. That's what initially freaked me out.

So, I went to one of my friends and told her about it. She said it was probably just a lot of held up negative feelings and energy, and suggested anger management of some sort, baths with an essence that she gave me (can't remember what it was; lavender?), and meditation. So, I tried all that. And, I'll be damned, it worked!...Or so I thought. Those feelings and that calling were all back within two days as if I'd not done anything at all.

That's when I tried to actually answer it, but not hurt anyone else. I went to rending my own flesh, since that's what it wanted. (Hurt like a b***h. >.<) That seemed to make things better, especially when the cuts would bleed. The thing calling to me in my mind was perfectly okay with that. Only, when my parents found out, they of course weren't. So that method went flying out the window.

Now I find that calling growing stronger. I don't even have to have some kind of outside stimulus now; I can get angry off of my thoughts alone. When I /do/ have an outside stimulus contributing to it, I wind up baring my teeth down to the point that it would hurt (if I were focused enough), going into something of a subconscious state, and literally seeing red. It only seems to last in quick little impulses, though, so I haven't done anything. Though, judging from how this thing's developing, I'm pretty sure that if I don't catch it beforehand I /will/ do something when I go into that weird state of mind. Oh, and my the way: those little impulses of rage occur at least three times a day. At least. (I'm lucky; nobody around me seems to notice it. Or, rather, I'm /un/lucky. Dx)

Anybody know what the hell's going on, or how I can stop it?

Thanks for the help. ^^ But, damn, if this is a relatively new or rare case of something-or-other, then I have the feeling I'll end up being "in deep s**t." x.x

Okay! The first one seems to be more similar to what's going on. But, uh, might I inquire as to how I should balance the rest of my life? (Fifteen-year-old highschool student, one honors class, one foreign language, and the other two don't really exist. Currently pursuing a love interest. Slight family problems at home that require at least minimal work from every family member to resolve. Only child. Two parents. Video game addict.)

Hate to be nit-picky... but it is "Jung" not "Yung."

He is right though, it is the Jungian shadow (still pronounced like it was a Y, not a J) that represents all you dislike about yourself.

You could try and develop centrist tendencies.

Off the cuff, I *think* that means find the middle ground, avoid extremes. But don't quote me - I gave birth a few weeks ago, and the ol' vocab has quite a few holes in it. sweatdrop

My take - just keep in mind what it is, pick at the knots whenever you get the urge, and it'll unravel a little at a time. I remember reading about the Jungian shadow and it didn't really resound with me, but maybe it was the pedantic way the textbook defined it. It's difficult to coldly categorize your own emotions when it feels like you're going crazy. I tend to think of it as, you're dealing with a lot, and all this emotional turmoil is happening but you don't have time to deal with it right now, so it gets shunted to the side to be dealt with when you can.

The other thing to keep in mind is that adolescence is pretty much a prolonged period of insanity, and that the only way out is through. I'm not trying to be condescending - I remember it, and it roundly sucked. You're not alone, and you're not batshit ******** loco. You'll do okay. Also, I found it helped to think of my parents as just people. That way, I was able to both empathize and know that their problems were not my problems.

Um, have you ever heard that when you give a thing a name, you give it power? Yeah. Basically, you've had the idea of a separate self that's still a part of you for a while, sounds like. So it's going to take on a bit of independence, based on how you've personified it. Yeah, most people do this to some extent, so no need to panic. It'll get more distinct now that you've given it a name (yes, even if it was a joke or you didn't mean it like that - it's part of human nature).

So take a look at what it is that you like or dislike about the behavior you associate with "Lexi". Maybe there are aspects you really like but don't feel you yourself could pull off. Maybe there are some repugnant traits - things you would *never* do, think, or say. Either way (and it's probably a mix), those are clues. They aren't mandates that you take on the behavior. Quite frankly, after being pushed aside for quite some time, the traits radicalize. For example, "Lexi" wanting to scream loudly and punch random people in the gut doesn't mean you should. It might mean that "Lexi" doesn't take criticism to heart, or that "Lexi" is able to voice her objections without feeling intimidated. Follow the disturbing feelings back, listen for repeats (I'm assuming here that you can sort of hear a separate voice in your head), etc. You're looking for "Lexi's" inner truth. It's probably something you need.

And yeah, keep in mind sometimes things get worse before they get better.

(*) I've just thought of something odd. When I was having problems with this, I was also having problems with systemic yeast infections (yeast in the bloodstream, which can cause nasty mental imbalances). Might you be having some sort of mild allergic reaction? That can intensify feelings of being full of rage and/or under attack. So can mild dehydration. I'm sorry I didn't think to ask before, but it can be a contributing factor. Check "Hidden Food Allergies" by Stephen Astor, M.D. and see if any of that applies to you. 'S hella cheaper than visiting an allergist.