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 Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 9:05 am
Heaven forbid, I have tried my hand at writing funny poetry. I've never been very good at it, but I made a resolve to try and try I did. Well, here's my result. Constructive critizism is always appreciated!Dental Appointment
Never a more scared kid than I,
Sat in a dentists' chair.
I would rather be anywhere else,
Than sit so timidly there.
As dentist's little assistent,
Tried to check me out,
I was rather insitent,
Upon not opening my mouth.
I whined and gasped,
At every touch.
My mouth had been through,
Just a little to much.
"I've had it!" I yelled.
"I can't take any more!"
I jumped out of the chair.
And ran out the door.
"Just leave me alone!"
"I beg I implore!"
"I hate the dentist,"
"Right down to the core!"
I ran to the car,
And jumped in my seat.
I felt like a star.
The dentist I can defeat.
Then out came my mom,
A sour look on her face,
I geuss I haven't quite won,
Now guilt I could taste.
I looked down in shame.
Mom's not one to test.
Twas I she could tame,
Put my rebellion to rest.
I walked back to the chair,
Sat down and sulked.
But boy I swear,
As dentist approached me he gulped!
But nicely I sat,
And was a good little girl,
And decided to take it,
Give this dental thing a whirl.
How I lived through it,
I'll never know.
Truly I tell you,
I'm scarred for life though.
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 11:47 am
That's great! I love it! It's really funny, and it's how a lot of little kids really feel, I'm betting. I had to laugh when the little kid's all proud for beating the dentist, and then the mom comes out and makes her go back in. rofl rofl biggrin
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 12:18 pm
Grita That's great! I love it! It's really funny, and it's how a lot of little kids really feel, I'm betting. I had to laugh when the little kid's all proud for beating the dentist, and then the mom comes out and makes her go back in. rofl rofl biggrin Thanks! I tried to make it funny. I wasn't sure how it would come out, but it seems to have done pretty well. biggrin
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 9:04 pm
Hee hee, that describes the experience oh so well. It was really good and brought a smile to my face... especially since I have to see the dentist next week gonk
Keep up the good work!
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Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 9:08 pm
Cereah Hee hee, that describes the experience oh so well. It was really good and brought a smile to my face... especially since I have to see the dentist next week gonk Keep up the good work! Thanks! I appreciate your comments!
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:53 pm
lol..i liked the first and last stanza. you ended it rather well. and its true, alot of people fear the dentist, kids majorly though. nice job.
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:46 pm
Hehehe, I get too go to the dentist on firday. I'm gonna laugh when I see him when I think of this poem.
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:56 pm
Yeah I dread the dentist at times.....just because I know I should clean my teeth better but I live.....very good poem
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Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 9:36 pm
Hehe, yes, funny, so I'm not going to be too serious about criticizing (I just learned this is not supposed to be a negative verb! Sweet!) this.
One major issue, though, was punctuation. You seem to think that you have to end every line with some kind of mark, which caused some inappropriate commas that just disrupted the reader's flow. You also didn't put very much punctuation at all inside the lines themselves, which made some run together rather oddly. Aside from that, good, funny poem!
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:32 pm
Heheh, cute poem. I liked it. If this were deviantART I'd give a fav.
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Posted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 12:49 pm
I like it. It was cute, and actually helped ease my fear.. See, I have to get a filling on the 25th. I've never had dental work done before. I'm paranoid. gonk
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:23 pm
XDDDDDDDD That''s hilarious! That''s exactly the way I felt 5 years ago when I was told I had to get a root canal *shifty eyes* I never did... Now I have to get the tooth pulled. Funnily (is that even a word?) enough, I''m less scared now of getting it pulled than I was of the thought of a root canal... I really relate to the poem. I heart it ^___^ I''m gonna save this to my computer!
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:39 am
Awesome! The rythym is quite a bit off in places, but it would be perfect as a little song! Yes! Yesh! Nice to see that you are back in action in the writer's guild, Merenwen! Nice to see you!
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 7:11 am
Oh boy, I'm gonna be the negative one here. Such as life... redface
I didn't find it funny. There's something about a little girl running from the dentist that didn't tickle my ribs. I think the 'ye olde' language kinda killed it for me and the fact you tried to make every other line rhyme, which meant cutting down on the standard english, just made it another asprising poem. Not quite there in my eyes.
Sorry... sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 6:21 pm
that's a really good poem!you should put it on pathetic.org its a poetry site.
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