Welcome to Gaia! ::

(I am not mentioning any relationships)
Well I kinda hated this year since I turned 16
When I turned 16 I was told that 2 out of 6 of my best friends were moving , David Abraham and Cameron Acosta. Knowing that I cried my eyes out for the first time in years, but knowing I still had Ferdi Cortes (my Bestest Best Friend) I was able to keep on going. Then my birthday came, nothing really happened that day.
In the middle of the summer I was told I was to be transfered to Vista High school due to where I was living. So it meants I had to leave Ferdi, Tarah, John, Martel, and everyone else I had known, even the family I have been with forever.
Then The first day of school came. I was so alone, scared, afraid, sad, and Deeply deeply depressed for alot of reasons other than the reasons I have mentioned above. I started having thoughts of killing people. shooting the school, killing myself, killing lovers, hurting people, I even have bad thoughts of my family.
after 7 weeks of eating lunch alone, spending long times in the library, reading, and thinking. I met a guy or Aquiantence Giovanni. Hes very smart when it comes to life lessons. Then I joined Myspace and met 3 people at school, Rafael, David, and Kristen. I don't talk to them much at all though.
Then Christian's (my bro) friends came into play. I met his friends Anora and Melissa. Anora is okay, but shes thinks I have problems, like how I am so layed back, tired, careless at school, But she is so very attached to having me around or wanting to hang out or something. Plus whenever she calls me or whatever she always thinks the best way to deal with emotional problems is to be with friends (specifically hers) but I don't wanna plus I don't like the thought of being with someone elses friends!
Now Melissa is a whore whom I don't like at all. Shes so attached to me also......eh actually all of Christian's friends are attached to me. Well Melissa recently got in a fight with her friend withsomeone who liked her and now shes trying to find a cure through me. I don't like her because she is so sluty. >_<;; *hates using the word whore and slut*
During this time my dad would call alot, He would tell me he loved me but theres always those times when he would not take me seriously when I wanted/needed him to be. He always starts telling me things like...all girls are sluts crying and even though I try to tell him thats not true, I really Do Not Believe Him!, he can think of things and support hisexamples way better than I can mine. So I am sad alot because when I think of some of some girls I know, I try to picture them okay but I have that bad that of them having sex or something. I think thats probably why I don't like hearing about sex lives.
Well other than that, my mother still yells alot at me and her boyfriend does also.
This Month I think.......20 days ago I heard I was moving to Carlsbad and I would be transfered to Carlsbad High School. At first I was thinking of everyone I knew at Vista but then I started to think about Anora and Terra and Alex and them and got so tired I just got happy about moving. I will finally have my own room! I have already began thinking of room designs =D
Well I started to tell people that. Anora, Melissa, Alex, Terra, and Marybelle were bummed out. Anora said she would cry, but I don't see why....
David and Rafael said Carlsbad isn't that bad of a place. Giovanni wanted all the details, and I haven't told Kristen yet...
My dad called and I guess he didn' hear about our Grandma not being with us and moving in front of Thia's house. Heres alittle something you should know: I lived the the house across Thia's house for about 5 years, and I have known Thai's family for 5 years aswell. Mario is like 17-18 now, Micky is like 10-12? I think and Carmina is like 20. I also knew Brianna, Andrew, Thomas, Victor, Alex, and alot of others, but not only that, that house is very very close to Ferdi and Tarah's house! Plus! if I moved there I could go back to El Camino!
My mother didn't want that, plus Grandma isn't gunna move with us because shes a whore who puts strangers b4 her family (She would invite strangers to spend the night)
Well back to the father thing. My father called and told me I was not to move with Grandma because he pays child support to her not my grandma. I know that and I know I would not want to live with Grandma, I hate her! I hate my mom but I need my mom for the time being ninja
but he said things he didnt have too. it went kinda like this

Dad: You are not to move back, even if it means moving back to your dumb a** friends! I mean it! forget about ******** Ferdi or whoever, Just don't move with grandma, I don't care if you miss those dumbass retar-

Me: Dad! What the hell! You don't ******** know my friends! you have never met them, you have never spoke with them, You don't know what they mean to me! you have no damn right to call them names! *is about to cry* I understand I can't move with Grandma! I am not stupid! Before you told me this I knew I was to go with mother. So Don't ever call my friends names again! They mean........nevermind....

I meant to say my friends mean more to me then my family but I don't want to hear his reactions to that comment.
Anyways that night when we stopped talking I went to my room and start to cry my eyes out.

well last week, Terra (Christians ex) started giving me notes and said things like "I can't stop thinking about you" and "Why won't you go out with me?" and the answer is obvious, my heart belongs to someone and I can't take it back nor do I want to.
I never told her this till 2 days ago. Shes so clingy onto me even though she knows I like someone but now, her friends want to kill me because shes heartbroken and I hate to be the one who have caused it.
Well, all this time I have been drinking those jumbo Monster Assaults, and TO ME they: Make me have to go to the bathroom, make me starve, depress me before and after if works, during it makes me quick and hyper and get tremors and stuff. sweatdrop

Well I am getting tired. Now I just stay in the library and listen to old sonic music cause that cheers me up, plus the library is very quiet and I can think and read.

I guess thats it, normally I keep quiet about alot of serious stuff and I still do, I don't like getting mad so I just forget about it. It comes back to haunt me though.
Right now some recent news has caught my attentions and its killing me even more than I thought it would.
I probably would have commited suicide if it weren't for certain people and some promises I made, though normally I think of myself when I try to commit suicide. I keep asking myself "Do you want to be a Sad Danny, a Cracked up Emotionally Drestroyied Danny, or a Dead Harmless Danny?"
The third choice is kinda the one I choose but I won't go there.
Plus I think there are 2 main reaons I am still alive today 1. I love someone and I want her badly! 2. I don't want my parent's money going to waste....
I don't know, we'll see when I graduate or something. I got a feeling something Good or Bad will happen.

Ugh....this is such a pain =/

Is there something wrong how I am thinking right now? Is there anything I can do? What should I do?

*hugs* everyone has deir problems heart heart

*hugs tightly*
Just know, there is always something better down the road. You just have to be able to see it. All you have to do is get through this part in your life and you'll be so much stronger and wiser for it. I can already tell you're a lot wiser than a lot of people. You see things that a lot of people can't. You're such a loving, wonderful person. Do you really just want to give up? It may be harsh, but to give up would just be cowardly.

There's always something good in life. You just have to see it. *hugs* There are people out there who love you very very much, and would be worse off without you in their lives. <333

Sorry, but this is one place I can't help anyone with (the upper part of your thing, with moving and your dad and such). I don't know that world andn I'm rather lucky I don't. I'd have to say though, that whatever you do, believe in yourself. I mean, what you have to live for, is yourself and the friends who are there to live by you. If you go on living life by your dad's or your mom's views, you'll never be able to express who you are.
As for your dad, I'd say maybe do some research that supports your point so rather than saying "I disagree, dad." You can be more edjucated on your point of view. Also, if it hurts you to hear him say things like that, tell him. If he loves you, he wouldn't want to hurt you, so he'd stop saying those things if you straight out tell him that it hurts you and you don't want to hear him say it at all. Just believe in yourself and who you are... That's the only way I think people make it.
As for girl who fell for you and you didn't have feelings for:
You did the right thing. Reverse it, say the girl you REALLY like just flat out said 'no' to you. Would you rather, in your heart of hearts, have that happen, or for her to fake love just so your feelings aren't hurt.

As for the girl you <333:
Go after her I say. I mean, what good is loving someone if they don't know their's lvoe for them in this world?

As for suicide... just don't do it. *heavy sigh*
My unlce, killed himself in September when I was in 3rd or 4th grade (I'm a 10th grader now, long time ago). Since is death, his son (Dillan) has been doing drugs, getting in trouble with the police, and doing many other morally wrong things to try and cope with his death. My other Cousin (Lindsay) , his daughter, went through a similar path, but has realized it isn't any good. She's living on her own now, and is making a place for herself in this world as she prepares to go to college. Now, if you kill yourself, what path do you think the people close to you will take, my cousin Lindsay's, or Dillan? When he died, I felt I was worthless, I felt that I was blind and couldn't see that he needed me and others to be there. I felt I was so low, I even considered killing myself. My overall point is:
Nothing good comes from the loss of someone by their own hand.

I also wanted to add something. For the whole moving part. I might've already told you this, but I guess I'll repeat it. I used to move a lot. The first place I really got attached to was Texas, back in the city I lived in in elementary school. When I found out we had to move to Massachusetts, I was so depressed. I had to leave my friends behind who I had grown up with. I really hated it up there. I had only one real friend, and he didn't even go to my school. After a couple years in Mass, we ended up moving back to Texas, but to a different city about a half an hour away from where we lived before. That's where I live now and the friends that I have now are really the best I could ever hope for. If we had never moved to Mass, I probably wouldn't be as happy as I am now and I might have ended up being really preppy. *shiver* So what I'm saying is that it might not end up so bad.

As for your dad, I understand how hard it is sometimes to get your parents to listen. When I try to talk to my dad, it usually ends up getting shoved in my face. But then there are times when he actually listens and changes for the better. So just try. And try to be calm when you do (yeah, I know how hard that is too, I'll start crying and won't be able to stop) because parents tend to listen better that way. Just tell him that you really don't like it when he talks bad about your friends. The key is deep breaths.

I really hope you work everything out. *hugs again* <33

crying heart