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So, it starts off one day I'm going to Ireland to stalk Bono. I board the plane and who do I see sitting next to me? The Edge, of course, so I ask him where Bono lives and he says
"Why would you want to know that?"
"Because he's Irish!"
"Well, lassie, I think you're obsessed."
Suddenly there is a horrible, blood milk-curdling scream and the plane tears in two. I look up the aisle and see the pilot lying on the floor dead. One can only imagine what happened.
The plane crashes over Dublin and I fall unconscious.

Two days later I wake up in the hospital and find Bono and the Edge in the beds beside me.
"Oh my goodness! It's Bono!"
He wakes up and says "Why, hello!" I faint and he wakes me up and says "Is there anything I can do?"
"SIGN MY JOSHUA TREE ALBUM"
Suddenly the medicine cupboard doors fly open and Jeremy Baudle jumps out laughing manically. He comes at me with old syringes, possibly AIDS infected, and Bono - Thinking of all his campaigns in AIDS-Poverty-Debt Stricken areas - tackles him. Jeremy, now unconscious, has been found out.
Attached to his jacket is a bomb.
Bono [superman] defuses the bomb and saves the day.

Two days later he is knighted for his services to awesomeness. Just as the queen is walking out the door, a hooded man with a voice oh-so-familiar bursts in with a knife and takes the queen hostage. His henchmen march into the room with an impressive looking gun. They point it at Bono and lasers zap out his awesomeness, leaving him powerless and unconscious.

As the hooded man is walking out, another person bursts into the room with a gun. He is known as Crackerbox Palace. He shoots the mysterious man in the head, revealing his identity.
Tom Cruise.
"Thankyou for killing that scientologist!"
"Yes, that's only about 20,000 more to go." He says.
I, still watching from the back of the room, poking Bono's head, say "But what can you do about Bono?"
"Hmm... Try this!" he picks up the impressive looking gun and flicks the switch that says REVERSE and zaps all his awesomeness back in.
Bono thanks him by giving him the Edge's stolen guitar.

Suddenly, Mick Jagger bursts through the door with some important news...


What is Mick Jagger's important news?
Why did I forget about the queen but not Bono?
Isn't it obvious?
Will the Edge ever find out Bono stole his guitar?
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Original paragraph loosely based on my dream from which I woke up too quickly and didn't get to see the end.

It's all some complex hoax, and Jeremy Beadle bursts out of a cupboard laughing manically. Bono then decks him, and is knighted for doing such a service to the nation, despite the fact that Irish people can't technically receive knighthoods.

(Note: Jeremy Beadle is a noted TV prankster fella, who was doing wind-up stuff back in the 90s. Think Punk'd, but without celebrities, and much cheesier. A lot of people hated him, because he was very irritating. The pop culture reference here is very dated, but I felt I would put it in anyway.)

Look, I refuse to kill off the sexiest man alive.
Bono heart heart

Fine, there may be twists and turns but it will be uncertain whether Bono dies or not.


(ps hugh laurie+eric idle=Bono so totally pwns.) rofl

This story seems to be lacking important things

like me

XD