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does this story suck
  yes
  no
  i've seen better
  i spit on you for writing this grabage
  so so
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duo of the wildfire
Crew

7,900 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Invisibility 100
  • Citizen 200
PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 9:59 am


Here my story. Let me know about the typo's that you are sure to find. It's an rp stroy so fill to ask me to be a character.
PostPosted: Mon Dec 25, 2006 10:00 am


A hero’s tale


Chapter 1 the beginning

Once upon a time in a land ruled by evil, a land where the weak died and the strong survived. Arose one fire elemental, which wanted to make a difference and some revenge. One with the makings of a hero, but will his determination be enough or will he be wash away in the sea of evil that rules this land?

Chapter 2 an unlikely hero

The story begins with our hero napping on the roof of his home in the fire tribe, when tragedy strikes. The tribe is attacked by a horde of bandits, and so enters our hero duo of the wildfire. Duo quickly awakes from his nap when the bandits start causing trouble. “What a drag, these bandits never seem to give up,” said duo as he ran across the nearby buildings jumping to the next at each ally until he arrived at a teahouse where the bandits were causing trouble. “Gimmie all your money” demanded one of the bandits “ hey boss how about we take her too”. Duo landed in fronted of the teahouse and caught the bandits off guard “Wow I would’ve though you’d show some kind of dignity. But all show your showing is that your stupid pigs.” said duo. “What! Do you know who we are! We are the most ruthless and powerful bandits in the world!” shouted a bandit grunt “Wow not only are you losers but your full of it,” said duo with a smirk on his face. “That’s it your dead punk!” yelled a bandit as he charged duo. As the bandits charged duo began doing hand signs. “Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu (Fire Element; Grand Fireball)” echoed duo then he spit a giant flame from his mouth, burning the bandits alive. “Hmp why waste power my on weaklings like you guys” said duo “thank you so much duo you really saved us. Who knows how much trouble those bandits could’ve caused,” said the elderly teahouse owner. “Don’t mention it, I’m sure you could’ve taken them yourselves.” Just then duo was glomped (tackle hug) by the grateful waitress, “thank you so much duo, who knows what those bandits would’ve done if you hadn’t come.” “Really don’t mention it, it was nothing”. “Surely there is someway we can repay you?” said the shop owner “Don’t worry about…” but before duo could finish he was hit by a blast of darkness energy it wasn’t enough to send him flying but it still hurt real bad. “You only continue to amaze me, first you take out those pawns without breaking a sweat then you sense my presence in time to dodge my attack but didn’t in order to protect the innocent on top of you, all that and your still alive with minimum injury bravo young fire elemental” said the mysterious figure. “You going somewhere with this.” asked duo. “Yes in fact I am, am giving you a chance to join my master and become all powerful so what do you say?” asked the dark figure. “Hmmm I say forget it I’d rather jump in a lake,” said duo. “Is that your finally answer?” questioned the dark figure. “Yes,” said duo as he motioned to the teahouse owner and the waitress to go for cover. “Then you and this village shall be destroyed,” said the dark figure as he toke a giant dark energy orb in his hand. “I don’t think so” duo used his power of shadow (light and dark) to turn the half dark power against the user that almost blew off his arm. “Darn it I underestimated you but you won’t be so lucky next time by the way the name is talon don’t forget it,” said talon as he disappeared into a dark portal. Duo fell to his knee exhausted from using that power (He hasn’t exactly mastered it so it’s takes a lot out of him). “Duo are you okay, he didn’t hurt you did he?” asked the concerned waitress “You worry to much yuna, I’m just a little tried that’s all. I guess I’ve got to go home and get some rest,” said duo. “Okay then you be careful on your way home, but before you go my wife has prepared some dumplings and riceballs for you as a thank you.” said the shop owner. “She didn’t have to I really do anything.” said duo. “Nonsense you’ve saved us twice today it’s the least we could do.” explained the shop owner with a smile on his face. “Plus you wouldn’t want her to do all that work only to hear that you didn’t want them would you?” said yuna “You have a point there okay I’ll take them” said duo as he reluctantly toke the box lunch with the treats inside. “Okay I’ll be on my way now.” Said duo as he jumped on top of the nearest building leavening the same way he came. When duo got home he ate the treats given to him and went to bed but what will tomorrow hold for him?

duo of the wildfire
Crew

7,900 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Invisibility 100
  • Citizen 200

EdElric7213
Captain

PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 1:50 am


ok.... i made a few corrections

Chapter 1 the beginning

Once upon a time in a land ruled by evil, a land where the weak died and the strong survived. Arose one fire elemental, which wanted to make a difference and some revenge. One with the makings of a hero, but will his determination be enough or will he be wash away in the sea of evil that rules this land?
this is more like the part on the back of the book

Chapter 2 an unlikely hero

The story begins with our hero napping on the roof of his home in the fire tribe, when tragedy strikes. The tribe is attacked by a horde of bandits, and so enters our hero, Duo of the Wildfire. Duo quickly awakes from his nap when the bandits start causing trouble. “What a drag, these bandits never seem to give up,” said Duo, as he ran across the nearby buildings, jumping to the next at each ally until he arrived at a teahouse where the bandits were causing trouble. “Gimmie all your money,” demanded one of the bandits, “ hey, Boss, how about we take her too?" Duo landed in fronted of the teahouse and caught the bandits off guard. “Wow I would’ve though you’d show some kind of dignity. But all show your showing is that your stupid pigs.” said duo. “What! Do you know who we are! We are the most ruthless and powerful bandits in the world!” shouted a bandit as he grunted. “Wow, not only are you losers but your full of it,” said Duo, with a smirk on his face. “That’s it, your dead punk!” yelled a bandit as he charged Duo. As the bandits charged, Duo began doing hand signs. “Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu (Fire Element; Grand Fireball)” echoed Duo then, he spit a giant flame from his mouth, burning the bandits alive. “Hmp, why waste my power on weaklings like you guys” said Duo. "Thank you so much Duo. You really saved us. Who knows how much trouble those bandits could’ve caused,” said the elderly teahouse owner. “Don’t mention it, I’m sure you could’ve taken them yourselves.” Just then duo was glomped (tackle hug) by the grateful waitress, “Thank you so much duo, who knows what those bandits would’ve done if you hadn’t come.” “Really, don’t mention it, it was nothing”. “Surely there is someway we can repay you?” said the shop owner “Don’t worry about…” but before duo could finish, he was hit by a blast of darkness energy, it wasn’t enough to send him flying, but it still hurt real bad. “You only continue to amaze me, first you take out those pawns without breaking a sweat then you sense my presence in time to dodge my attack but didn’t in order to protect the innocent on top of you, all that and your still alive with minimum injury, bravo young fire elemental” said the mysterious figure. “You going somewhere with this?" asked duo. “Yes, in fact I am, I'm giving you a chance to join my master and become all powerful. So what do you say?” asked the dark figure. “Hmmm, I say forget it, I’d rather jump in a lake,” said duo. “Is that your finally answer?” questioned the dark figure. “Yes,” said duo as he motioned to the teahouse owner and the waitress to go for cover. “Then you and this village shall be destroyed,” said the dark figure as he took a giant dark energy orb in his hand. “I don’t think so.” duo used his power of shadow (light and dark) to turn the half dark power against the user, almost blowing off his arm. “Darn it, I underestimated you, but you won’t be so lucky next time. By the way the name is talon, don’t forget it,” said talon as he disappeared into a dark portal. Duo fell to his knee, exhausted from using that power (He hasn’t exactly mastered it so it’s takes a lot out of him). “Duo are you okay, he didn’t hurt you did he?” asked the concerned waitress. “You worry to much Yuna, I’m just a little tired, that’s all. I guess I’ve got to go home and get some rest,” said duo. “Okay then, you be careful on your way home, but before you go, my wife has prepared some dumplings and riceballs for you, as a thank you.” said the shop owner. “She didn’t have to, I don't really do anything.” said duo. “Nonsense! You’ve saved us twice today. It’s the least we could do.” explained the shop owner, with a smile on his face. “Plus, you wouldn’t want her to do all that work only to hear that you didn’t want them, would you?” said yuna “You have a point there, okay, I’ll take them” said duo as he reluctantly took the lunchbox with the treats inside. “I’ll be on my way now.” Said duo as he jumped on top of the nearest building, leaving the same way he came. When duo got home, he ate the treats given to him and went to bed. But what will tomorrow hold for him?


CAPITALIZE NAMES!!!! EXPECIALLY DUO

all corrections i made are in colors green and cyan. most are just commas...
PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 12:17 pm


"There are all sweet. Great job guys..."

-Smiles, giving you guys a thumbs up-

D r e a m s c a p e
Crew


duo of the wildfire
Crew

7,900 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Invisibility 100
  • Citizen 200
PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 3:11 pm


EdElric7213
ok.... i made a few corrections

Chapter 1 the beginning

Once upon a time in a land ruled by evil, a land where the weak died and the strong survived. Arose one fire elemental, which wanted to make a difference and some revenge. One with the makings of a hero, but will his determination be enough or will he be wash away in the sea of evil that rules this land?
this is more like the part on the back of the book

Chapter 2 an unlikely hero

The story begins with our hero napping on the roof of his home in the fire tribe, when tragedy strikes. The tribe is attacked by a horde of bandits, and so enters our hero, Duo of the Wildfire. Duo quickly awakes from his nap when the bandits start causing trouble. “What a drag, these bandits never seem to give up,” said Duo, as he ran across the nearby buildings, jumping to the next at each ally until he arrived at a teahouse where the bandits were causing trouble. “Gimmie all your money,” demanded one of the bandits, “ hey, Boss, how about we take her too?" Duo landed in fronted of the teahouse and caught the bandits off guard. “Wow I would’ve though you’d show some kind of dignity. But all show your showing is that your stupid pigs.” said duo. “What! Do you know who we are! We are the most ruthless and powerful bandits in the world!” shouted a bandit as he grunted. “Wow, not only are you losers but your full of it,” said Duo, with a smirk on his face. “That’s it, your dead punk!” yelled a bandit as he charged Duo. As the bandits charged, Duo began doing hand signs. “Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu (Fire Element; Grand Fireball)” echoed Duo then, he spit a giant flame from his mouth, burning the bandits alive. “Hmp, why waste my power on weaklings like you guys” said Duo. "Thank you so much Duo. You really saved us. Who knows how much trouble those bandits could’ve caused,” said the elderly teahouse owner. “Don’t mention it, I’m sure you could’ve taken them yourselves.” Just then duo was glomped (tackle hug) by the grateful waitress, “Thank you so much duo, who knows what those bandits would’ve done if you hadn’t come.” “Really, don’t mention it, it was nothing”. “Surely there is someway we can repay you?” said the shop owner “Don’t worry about…” but before duo could finish, he was hit by a blast of darkness energy, it wasn’t enough to send him flying, but it still hurt real bad. “You only continue to amaze me, first you take out those pawns without breaking a sweat then you sense my presence in time to dodge my attack but didn’t in order to protect the innocent on top of you, all that and your still alive with minimum injury, bravo young fire elemental” said the mysterious figure. “You going somewhere with this?" asked duo. “Yes, in fact I am, I'm giving you a chance to join my master and become all powerful. So what do you say?” asked the dark figure. “Hmmm, I say forget it, I’d rather jump in a lake,” said duo. “Is that your finally answer?” questioned the dark figure. “Yes,” said duo as he motioned to the teahouse owner and the waitress to go for cover. “Then you and this village shall be destroyed,” said the dark figure as he took a giant dark energy orb in his hand. “I don’t think so.” duo used his power of shadow (light and dark) to turn the half dark power against the user, almost blowing off his arm. “Darn it, I underestimated you, but you won’t be so lucky next time. By the way the name is talon, don’t forget it,” said talon as he disappeared into a dark portal. Duo fell to his knee, exhausted from using that power (He hasn’t exactly mastered it so it’s takes a lot out of him). “Duo are you okay, he didn’t hurt you did he?” asked the concerned waitress. “You worry to much Yuna, I’m just a little tired, that’s all. I guess I’ve got to go home and get some rest,” said duo. “Okay then, you be careful on your way home, but before you go, my wife has prepared some dumplings and riceballs for you, as a thank you.” said the shop owner. “She didn’t have to, I don't really do anything.” said duo. “Nonsense! You’ve saved us twice today. It’s the least we could do.” explained the shop owner, with a smile on his face. “Plus, you wouldn’t want her to do all that work only to hear that you didn’t want them, would you?” said yuna “You have a point there, okay, I’ll take them” said duo as he reluctantly took the lunchbox with the treats inside. “I’ll be on my way now.” Said duo as he jumped on top of the nearest building, leaving the same way he came. When duo got home, he ate the treats given to him and went to bed. But what will tomorrow hold for him?


CAPITALIZE NAMES!!!! EXPECIALLY DUO

all corrections i made are in colors green and cyan. most are just commas...
Thanks ninja
PostPosted: Mon Jan 01, 2007 7:52 pm


no prob ^^ hoped i helped

EdElric7213
Captain


D r e a m s c a p e
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 6:08 am


-Randomly pokes Ed in the back-

"Tee-hee."
PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 3:55 pm


Y do u like annoying people? mainly me

EdElric7213
Captain


D r e a m s c a p e
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 4:06 pm


"Because it's fun... Tee-hee."

-Continues to poke him gently in the back, giggling like a little girl-
PostPosted: Wed Jan 03, 2007 7:29 pm


*turns around kicking dream in the side* DONT! i'm SO tired of u poking and punching me!

EdElric7213
Captain


D r e a m s c a p e
Crew

PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 6:28 am


-Stops poking him and holds her side-

"Ow..."

-Frowns and turns away, walking towards where her blanket is, hiding under it again, sulking-
PostPosted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 6:29 pm


ninja

duo of the wildfire
Crew

7,900 Points
  • Tycoon 200
  • Invisibility 100
  • Citizen 200

D r e a m s c a p e
Crew

PostPosted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 6:05 am


-Looks over at Ed and sticks her tongue out at him, then looks at ninja before turning away-
PostPosted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 6:29 pm


*mutters* baby

EdElric7213
Captain


D r e a m s c a p e
Crew

PostPosted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 7:31 am


-Shouts towards him-

"I heard that..."
Reply
The Hunt

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