In A Second
Los Angeles is often called “the city of lost angels,” and with good reason. People often go there when they are searching for something and they don’t want to go to New York City. The sun rises fast to bring hot days, and sets quickly to allow for long nights that are dark except for the illumination of the city lights. Lives can change as quickly as the sunrise in Los Angeles—that’s probably why the city appeals to so many people.
Logan Chase was one of those people who went to Los Angeles because he was searching for something. Originally from Colorado, he found the city very unsettling, and he came to abhor it for its noise and smog. But the music conservatory was there, and so he stayed.
There, he found the greatest loves and losses of his life.
~
The sun peeked through the window of the bedroom of the apartment in Venice, shedding it’s light across the hardwood floors, the light blue walls that were littered with posters of various musicians, the massive wooden bookcase that was crammed with books, the wall-to-wall shelves of records and CDs, and the two figures curled together in the middle of the queen-sized bed that stood at the center of the room. As the sun watched, smiling and dancing cheerfully as it greeted the world with an almost obnoxiously bright grin, one of the figures began to stir.
One of the men slowly lifted his head, his eyes blinking sleepily open as he did so. The man in his arms snuggled closer, but didn’t wake. The first man chuckled quietly. “Logan….”
No reply.
“Logan, it’s time to get up….”
“Mmph. Go ‘way.”
“Uh-uh. None of that. It’s time to be awake.”
“No s’not.”
“Is, too.”
“Tooooooodd….” Logan whined.
“Loooooogaaaaan,” the man whined in return.
“Now, now, don’t play kid games with me, Todd. You know I’ll win.”
Todd laughed. “You’re certainly acting like a child.”
“Well I’d at least be a well-rested child if you’d let me sleep….”
“You have five seconds to get out of this bed or you’re not getting any pancakes.”
Logan immediately perked up. “I’m awake.”
Another laugh. “That’s what I thought.” Then Todd extracted himself from Logan’s arms and climbed out of the bed.
Logan smiled happily as he watched Todd remove some clothes from a drawer and head into the bathroom that was connected to their bedroom. “I had the dream again last night,” he called to Todd, stretching lazily.
“Oh?”
“Yup.”
“Did anything change? Anything at all?”
“Nope. It’s always exactly the same.”
“Well….at least it’s a good dream, then.”
Logan laughed. “But why do I keep having it? It’s not like it’s anything spectacular….”
Todd poked his head around the doorframe. “Oh? I’m not ‘spectacular’ enough for you?”
“Oh, you know what I mean.”
Todd grinned and retreated into the bathroom, leaving Logan alone with his thoughts.
~
Logan sighed as he headed towards one of the music rooms in the conservatory. It had been a very long first day, and Logan was tired already. All he wanted to do was practice his music for a little while, then curl up in his bed, and sleep until all the weariness was gone from his face and he didn’t have to think anymore about the monster of a fight that had preceded his departure for Los Angeles.
Or at least, that’s what he wanted until he opened the door to the music room.
The minute the door swung open at his touch, music began to pour out of the room within—music the likes of which Logan had never heard. Normally, Logan detested classical music, being a loyal classic rock fan, but the music that was coming from the piano now was quite enough to forget that bias for the time being.
The young man at the piano didn’t seem to notice his audience. His entire world seemed to have shrunk to that piano and the sheet music sitting in front of him. His short, somewhat untamed black hair fell into his piercing blue eyes as his head rocked slightly to the music, and those eyes glinted with an intensity that frightened Logan as much as it captured his attention. His clothes were baggy and casual—faded blue jeans and a dark blue tee shirt that had a splash of white across the sleeve, probably from someone spilling bleach on it. Everything about his appearance contrasted sharply with Logan’s blond hair, dark blue jeans, and black tee shirt with the words “Hell is for Children” across the front. Only their eyes matched—that piercing blue and the intense glint that Logan also got in his eyes when he played his guitar, although he didn’t realize it was there.
The music faded into silence after several minutes, and Logan didn’t move or make a single sound until it had stopped completely. Then he cleared his throat quietly.
The figure on the piano bench started and turned so quickly he almost fell off the bench, and then he gave Logan a slightly nervous, though very welcoming, smile. “Hi.”
“Hi,” Logan replied. “I just came….to….” He held up his guitar case.
“Oh! Oh, yeah, no problem. Sorry.” He quickly started to pack up his sheet music, gathering it together and placing it in the bag at his feet.
“No, don’t be. That was….wow.”
The man blushed. “Thank you. You could have come in, though, you know.”
Logan shrugged as he set his guitar against the wall and dropped into the chair next to it. “You were busy. Didn’t wanna bother you.”
“You wouldn’t have. I was about done, anyway.” The man hesitated for a moment, then lifted his eyes from his bag. “I’m Todd. Todd Maxson.”
Logan grinned. “Logan Chase.”
Todd returned the grin, and Logan knew that his heart was completely gone at that moment, stolen by the hands that had teased the most beautiful melody ever to grace Logan’s ears out of the largest grand piano in the music conservatory in Los Angeles, California.
~
It was that moment that Logan relived over and over in his dreams, and had at least three nights a week in the year since he and Todd had known each other. It had been a matter of weeks before they had become an official item, and they had been nauseatingly close ever since.
Todd came out of the bathroom a moment later, brushing his teeth, and Logan heard the sink still running in the bathroom. “When do you have to leave?” he asked around a mouthful of toothpaste.
Logan glanced at the clock. “In about an hour.”
Todd nodded went back to the bathroom, returning a moment later with clean teeth and a grin on his face. “So we’re swimmin’ in time.”
“Don’t even think about it, Todd. I’ll definitely be late if you do.”
Todd feigned disappointment. “Fine.”
“I’m hungry.”
“So cook.”
“You promised me pancakes.”
“…..Did I?”
“Tooooooodd. Please?”
Todd smiled, and leaned over to give Logan a quick kiss. “Get dressed, ya lazy fool.”
“Yes, sir,” Logan replied teasingly, stretching again as he pulled himself into sitting position and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
~
“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.” Logan grinned and closed his cell phone, placing it in his pocket and going over to the counter, where a young woman was sitting with a nearly empty plate in front of her. “Can I get you anything else before I leave, ma’am?” he asked.
“I’ll just take my check, please, and a small coffee to go.”
“Right away.” Logan started to turn away.
“I’m Madeline,” the woman introduced herself, smiling at him.
Logan smiled. “Logan.” And with that, he turned away and went over to the coffee machine. He had just taken the woman’s money and was giving her her change when the door to the little restaurant swung open. “Hi, Todd,” Logan greeted the newcomer.
Todd came over to the counter and leaned against it as Logan gave dropped the woman’s change into her hand. “You ready to go?”
“Almost. Want some coffee?”
“Yeah, to go.”
“Well, obviously.” Logan leaned over the counter to give Todd a quick kiss. “I’ve got good news.”
Upon seeing the kiss, the woman at the counter forced the disappointed and somewhat disgusted look off her face and left quickly. Todd laughed. “I think you scared her away.”
“I love scaring away the Madelines of the world. Here’s your coffee.”
“Thanks. So what’s your news?”
Logan grinned and went to clock out, then came out from behind the counter, grabbed Todd’s hand, and pulled him out of the restaurant into the bright sunlight. “Jules offered me a job.”
Todd stopped short. “What?”
“Mr. Jules offered me a job,” Logan repeated more slowly as he continued walking, as though he hadn’t just given Todd the hugest news he had ever given anyone. “He wants me to teach a summer course at the conservatory.”
“He….but….you….that’s great!”
Logan’s grin grew as he felt Todd come up beside him, but he didn’t turn to look at his lover as he said, “He wants to give you a job, too.”
Todd stopped short again, and this time Logan stopped and turned to face him. “He….you….say what, now?”
“He. Want. Give. You. Job.”
“….You’d better not be screwin’ around here.”
“Now, would I do that to you?”
“Yes.”
“Well….okay, yes I would, but I’m not.”
“So it’s….you….and he’s gonna….and I…..what?”
“I don’t know how to explain it any more clearly than I already have, love.”
“And….you….we’re gonna….this….. It’s one of the best conservatories in the country…. I’m gonna….teach there? I’ve dreamed of it ever since….I….we….you….. Did you do this?”
“Yup, I did.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what you do when you love someone.”
“You….get them a job?”
“You make their dreams come true.”
“But….we….you….Jesus, Logan…..”
“Are you through babbling? ‘Cause I’m hungry, and I’m really looking forward to your cooking right now.”
That was all Logan got before Todd’s arms came around him in a crushing hug and his breath was stolen away by a long, deep kiss. That kiss lasted an eternity at the very least, but it was over too soon for Logan. “I love you,” Todd declared breathlessly as the kiss finally broke.
Logan smiled, and pulled Todd into a one-armed hug as they started walking again. “I love you, too.”
~
“No….Dad….I’ll be teaching….”
“Teaching?” the man on the other end of the line repeated. “But that’s….you….no! I won’t allow it!”
“Well, see, Dad, you don’t have to allow it. I’ve been making my own decisions for a long time now, and this is my decision to make.”
“I suppose that….that….Maxson character is in on this?”
“Would it matter if he was?”
“Yes, it bloody well would matter. Logan, you have been working at my office since you were old enough to fetch coffee! You were groomed to take this company over! You could be the most successful man the medical practice has seen in decades, and you want to walk away from all of it?”
“….Yup, that’s about the size of it.”
“LOGAN!”
“Dad, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Well I do! Logan, you are making a complete mess of your life, do you realize that? You had such a bright future! And then you suddenly pack up, move to L.A., meet this….fairy man….and tell us that you’re not coming back?”
“Dad, I didn’t—”
“You’re a selfish little b*****d, you know that? All you care about is what you want. You care about nothing else.”
“Well, that is our family’s way, now isn’t it?” Logan bit out angrily.
The silence on the other end of the line could have frozen fire. It seemed to go on forever, before Mr. Chase finally spoke. “I’m offering you a choice here, Logan. Come back home. Come back to work for me. Forget about all this nonsense. Forget about that….that Todd. We can pretend none of it ever happened if you come home right now.”
“No! Dad, no. The only way you could get me home right now would be to somehow work a huge tragedy out of thin air and find a way to take Todd away from me. Todd is the only thing that’s kept me going in the last year. I’m never leaving him, and he’s never leaving me, so you can give up trying to get me home.”
“Logan—”
“No!”
“Logan, my patience is wearing thin. You can either take my offer, or you can forget about ever coming back home.”
“That’s just fine with me!” Logan yelled into the phone. “Have a nice life, Dad!” Then he slammed the phone down onto the cradle, and rested his forehead against the wall, pulling the anger back into himself and waiting for it to drain out.
“So….I take it that didn’t go very well.”
Logan blinked and turned away from the wall, giving Todd a small smile. “You’d be right.”
“Well, you haven’t had any semblance of contact with him for over a year….what did you expect?”
“I actually expected it to be worse than that, I think….” Logan replied with a wry chuckle. He pushed himself away from the wall and went over to take Todd in his arms. “I’m still over the moon about the whole thing, you know. I just wish….” He felt the anger rise up again. “God, is it too much to ask that they just be happy for me for once?”
Todd gave his lover’s waist a light squeeze. “Don’t think about it now. Let’s just go to bed and you can deal with all of this after you’ve gotten some sleep.” He pulled Logan down into a gentle kiss. “Who needs them, right? Everything will be fine. You’ll see.”
Logan smiled slightly, and gave Todd another light kiss. “Thank you.”
Todd returned the smile with a big one of his own. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
~
When Logan awoke the next morning, Todd had already left. The note on his pillow explained that he had gone to work and would be back at two o’clock to go to the conservatory with Logan for their afternoon class. Smiling, Logan rolled out of bed and fumbled around for his clothes.
He entered the kitchen a few minutes later, wandering blindly towards the coffee maker….and stopped short when he saw the woman sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her hand.
“….Mom.”
“Good morning, Logan.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I made you some coffee.”
“Thank you. What are you doing here?”
“I’m here to bring you home, of course.”
Logan closed his eyes and fought back a groan of frustration. “Mom, I already hashed this out with Dad last night,” he said firmly as he poured himself a cup of coffee. “I’m here to stay, and that’s that.”
Mrs. Chase sighed. “I hate that you and your father are fighting, Logan, but I’m sure it was all one big misunderstanding. Your father didn’t mean—”
“He did, Mom,” Logan replied, every syllable carefully measured and touched by an underlying fury. “He did.”
Another sigh, and the strength seemed to flow out of his mother right before his eyes. “Yes, I suppose you’re right. But….Logan….won’t you please come home?”
Logan shook his head firmly. “Mom….I can’t. This….right here….” He gestured at their surroundings—the kitchen with its black-and-white checked floors and the dishes piled in the sink, and then the living room with its CDs and sheet music strewn over every surface. “This is my life now. Todd is my life now. And….I don’t wanna give him up.”
“But….”
“Mom,” Logan interjected softly. “….Let it go.”
Mrs. Chase took a deep breath, and stood. “All right. I suppose….coming out here was useless, then.”
Logan forced a smile. “Not completely useless. You still got to see you son.” He paused, and the smile became a real one. “Want some breakfast?”
~
“She came to the apartment?” Todd asked in disbelief, though the slur in his voice undermined the anger he was probably trying to project. He and Logan were sitting in a local bar, now, having finally gotten a chance to celebrate the new development in their lives.
Logan took a long drink from his mug. “Yup. And it was surprisingly….not terrible.”
“….Wow.”
“Yeah, it shocked me, too. But….I dunno, she was never as bad as Dad. There’ve been times when she’s….been on my side. A lot more than I’ve admitted, actually.” Logan stared down into his mug, took another swig, and said, “Mom always told me I could do whatever I wanted. Be whatever I wanted. She just….I dunno. She wants our family to be happy, and she’s firmly convinced that the only way that can happen is if I’m home. She just wants us all to be happy, I know that. I dunno how she ended up with Dad….”
“She gone now?”
“She was supposed to leave for the airport….” Logan checked his watch, taking a moment to focus in on the numbers. “….Now.”
Todd blinked at his empty mug. “Empty. Sad…. Wanna ‘nother….” He paused. “You drunk yet?”
“Yep.”
“Mmm….kay. Let’s go, then.”
“….Kay….”
“….Why aren’t you moving?”
“….Can’t. Carry me.”
“No, you carry me.”
“No, you carry me.”
“….This isn’t gettin’ us anywhere.”
“No, it’s not….”
Todd sighed and hauled himself to his feet, pulling Logan up with him. Together, they made their way towards the door.
“I don’t think I can drive….” Todd stated as they stumbled out into the cool evening air.
“….I can. Don’ worry. I’m one of the best drunk drivers in New York.”
“….We’re in L.A..”
“….Sooooo?”
“So….shouldn’t you say you’re the best drunk driver in L.A.?”
“….No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m the best drunk driver in New York.”
“Have you ever….been to New York?”
“Uh-uh.”
“….Okay, you’re drunk.”
“No, you’re drunk.”
“That, too.” Todd sighed. “Okay, gotta stop.”
“Gotta sit.”
“No! Gotta focus on walking. And then….driving. When we get to the car.”
“Uh-huh. Driving. Right. Car.” Logan paused. “….Where is the car?”
“Over there.”
“….Oh. Car. Cool.” Then Logan was hauling himself behind the wheel.
The next few minutes were a blur in Logan’s mind, and would always remain so. One moment, he was laughing drunkenly at a joke that Todd had slurred, and the next, he yanking the wheel with all of his strength. The car spun out of control, and the sound of breaking glass met Logan’s ears. Every part of his body felt completely limp and detached, and his mind was racing to keep up with what was happening.
What’s going on?
~
The newspapers told of the "incident" the next day. In one car, a blond man with serious but not life-threatening injuries and the limp, unresponsive corpse of the young man who had been that blond’s love. And in the other car, the one person whose loyalty to her son had never wavered.
It was through cruel fate alone that Jacqueline Chase had been forced to take this particular road to the airport. The route she had tried to take had been closed, and this had been the closest alternative.
She didn’t realize that it was her son in the other car. She only uttered a prayer that wherever her son was, he was safe and happy. And then the impact took her breath away and she couldn’t utter anything at all.
~
That night alone is proof that no matter how well things seem to be going….they can and do change in less than a heartbeat.
Logan Chase had his entire future mapped out for him. He had doors open to him everywhere he turned. And in one night, in one instant, every bit of that had been wiped away. His ambition, his hope, and the love of his life were all taken away from him by one simple mistake, by one bit of human stupidity.
Todd would eventually be forgotten. Most people are, in the end. People die, and the world moves on without them. But there is always someone who will remember—someone whose life will simply stop.
Logan’s life stopped. He stood at a crossroads for a long time, unable to decide which road to take now that he was forced to make a choice. He was tired of making choices, and this was one he had never wanted to make. But nevertheless, he made it, and he picked up his bags and turned onto the road that led back to his childhood home.
Los Angeles is often called “the city of lost angels,” and with good reason. People often go there when they are searching for something and they don’t want to go to New York City.
Logan now wished he had gone to New York City. Maybe things would have turned out differently if he had. But deep down, he knew that he would have met Todd, one way or another. Fate is a funny thing. It likes to play games.
Logan never did figure out what lesson Fate had been trying to teach him this time. He came back to the memory from time to time, long after the wounds had healed into pale pink scars. He was one of those people who believed there was a reason for everything that happened. He was also equally certain that the reason he had lost Todd and his mother was something that he would never figure out for certain.
After all, some things can’t be analyzed, right?
