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 Posted: Thu Jun 23, 2005 8:37 pm
You pulled this s**t before.
Now your pulling it again
well this time I got my
revenge. I feel better
knowing your in pain,
and this joy will never
be the same.
If it were on someone
else I might feel bad but
since your all jerks to me
it's amazing. So I'm younger
I've got better skills come
near me and thats just one more kill.
I honest to god will laugh from a far.
Call me demon, cold or heartless.
I don't care as far as I know none of you are there.
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Posted: Fri Jun 24, 2005 8:13 pm
I like it; very emotional, invokes both pity and anger in the reader.
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:10 am
hmmmmmmmm,
the words tumbled on each other, makes it hard to see what you're trying to say.
it has the contents of a story though, perhaps you should write one ^^
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 12:18 pm
interesting use of words, not many poems use the word 'jerk'. lol.
good though
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 6:12 pm
I usually try to bring out the very best in poems when I review them, but, I really didn't like this one at all. . . It wasn't very poetic. It was as if you simply were mad at something and wrote down the first angry sentences that came tomind. Your words have no rythm, they don't flow well, and they aren't very well, poetic. Poems, even angry poems, usually strike me as poetic or beautiful, but I didn't like this at all. No offense, I mean, I just don't like it. . . at all. Maybe next time.
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:34 pm
Yeah, definitely more angry than poetic. Very rant-ish, but I don't think that it's bad at how it portrays anger.
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 11:34 am
Yeah, it seemed like a rant to me as well, but I agree with The Essence of Evil. I like the way it portrays anger. However, the word 'jerk' seemed to hurt the overall effect of the poem just a little.
"I've got better skills come
near me and thats just one more kill.
I honest to god will laugh from a far. "
Those lines made me smile.
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 11:56 am
I have to agree it's a rant, but I rant a lot which is why I probablly like it. Nice portrayal of anger.
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