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 Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 1:02 pm
Ultimate Goal:
Give up smoking cigarettes completely by Valentine's Day. Progress Chart:First Week's Total: 12.5Second Week's Total: 11 Week 1January 4, 2007This is my journey. For several years, I have grown such a dependance with cigarettes. Ive know for about a year now that this wonderful -ahem- habit has now tapped into a part of me that I cannot even fathom. Addiction. And it hurts. Knowing that I /cant/ stop anytime I want. Knowing that every couple of hours, cigarettes is the only thing I can think about. Having that craving, so deep and intense, and making me irritable and depressed if I do not have that fix. If someone would have told me this is how I would feel when I was experiencing the good ol' withdrawl symptoms when I first started smoking, I would have quit then, when it wasnt too late. Im nervous and anxious and scared and excited all at the same time. I want to breathe again. I want to go a full day without slowing myself down with cigarette breaks every other hour. It takes me about 12 minutes to smoke a full sized cigarette. Times the approximately 7 cigarettes a day I smoke. Thats 84 minutes a day. Nearly an hour and a half everyday that I waste, taking the time to smoke a cigarette. I can do a lot of things in an hour and a half. I can watch a movie. Look for a job. Clean my room. Bottom line, this is me quitting. Slowly but surely. Its 4pm and I havent had my first cigarette yet. It usually comes when I wake up, between 9 and noon. Im anxious and irritable. Ive been quite all day. I dont know when I'll be able to have my first cigarette, because my boyfriend has them with him, and he's out and about. Ive been burning incense like crazy, just to have that smoke in the air, and to try and get my mind off of my cravings. I ate breakfast and lunch, which is unusual, I have a headache, I keep watching the window, waiting, praying that my cigarettes get here soon. -sigh- Day 1Number of Cigarettes Consumed:2.5
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Posted: Thu Jan 04, 2007 9:34 pm
January 4, 2007
Continued
Josh finally came over, earlier about 4:30 or so. Sucked down that FIRST cigarette, and instantly, I felt so so much better. Had another when we went to Gabby's house about 15 minutes latter, and half of one after you know.. ahem. Sex. ;3
Even scored a yummy dime from Gabby's brother's dealer. Tahaha.
We dont have any more cigarettes, but Josh will, more than likely buy another pack. Meh. I'll just have to keep resisting.
I could REALLY use one now. As its been at least four hours, and I just woke up from a really nice nap.
Bah.
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 12:14 pm
January 5, 2007
Really need a smoke. Its 3pm. Josh Wont be here until after 7, and he doesnt even have any cigarettes. Hm.
Not only have I not smoked thus far today, but Im trying to figure out my continuing education plan. I hope to go back to school in the fall, so I have to figure out my financial aid stuff, figure out *exactly* what it is I want to do, and get in that sort of mindset.
I want to be an elementary school art teacher. =D
But, my true passion is writing. Language Arts. I love it. My words are my livelihood. But what I want to do is to teach something I love, and that is art. And I love kids.
So.
I might get back in bed, or eat some chocolate. D;
Getting kind of anxious. >.>
Day 2
Number of cigarettes consumed:
1.5
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:28 pm
January 5, 2007
Continued
Josh came about 7:30 or so, and the first thing I did was have a cigarette. Man. First smoke of the day is always so great. Feels magnificent, tastes even better. I love the buzz.
Then we smoked a bowl, so we had another after a few hours, and one on the way to get food. Ive cut down a lot. D;
Especially since we /SHARE/ our cigarettes. When we have a smoke, its usually one between the both of us, and smoke another if we're not satisfied yet. And since Josh keeps the smokes, to help me quit, I dont have the chance. And Im not gonna go buy them. Lol. razz
Anyhow. Maybe I'll smoke another bowl later. <3
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:00 pm
As soon as i posted i read this...then when back nad look you were ther hahahah <3 its not something i want to do forever...but for right now...its fine ^^ i like doing it.
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:06 pm
January 6, 2007
I know its only been a few minutes since I last posted, but a craving suddenly spiked and I need to settle it so I dont go nutty.
So. Times where I hated smoking.
Hmm.. Oh, when I really made a strong effort once to quit. Lasted about a week. The week before, man. I was smoking and smoking and smoking; constantly and rediculously. Figured I may as well.
By the last day, jesus. I was so sick of smelling them, and feeling like I constantly had a film on me. And my breath smelling like menthol. I was so ready. I did a great job at quitting for that week.
Another time, when I had bronchitis. D;
I only smoked every so often when I was in the pit of the sickness, and even then, Id have to smoke a bit of pot to dispell the nausea and urge to cough and the headache. Then it took a turn for the worse when I was starting to get better and I actually needed the cigarette in order to function during the illness. D;
I mean, I had one when I first woke up, because it made me feel like I was healing myself somehow by smoking. It was awful.
Hm. Ja ja ja. I should chew more gum.
Its almost like a thirst. I just cant stop thinking about it. Im sniffing my clothes because they smell like cigarettes. It makes my mouth water. Its 1 am. I think I'll start getting my bowl ready.
Baaaah.
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:09 pm
lonelyfrench As soon as i posted i read this...then when back nad look you were ther hahahah <3 its not something i want to do forever...but for right now...its fine ^^ i like doing it. Thats.. exactly how it started for me. I figured it was a nice treat, and I'll have a few every now and again, and enjoy something that everyone else is doing and yada yada ya.. But then a few every now and again became such a habit. I had one before and after school. Pretty soon, I needed one before and after school. And if I didnt have one before, I couldnt concentrate or wake up enough. Then, it progressed to needing one by the middle of the day. More and more and more as the tolerance raised... =[
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:10 pm
Pot ******** me up to bad...i cant d pot..no since i tried it once with my cousin...I dont like those kindof drugs. besides the ocassinal ex tablet...that great...8 hours of fun hahahahaha
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:20 pm
Marijuana, and pretty much all other psychoactive drugs is about tolerance. Knowing how much you can handle before getting too high and out of control.
Marijuana is a very very mellow drug. Some people react differently, yes. For example, my boyfriend gets really hyper. I, personally, get really giggly, and the body buzzes are phenominal.
Dont try and get shitfaced stoned your first time smoking, because yes, you will be uncomfortable. Just have a little fun with it. =3
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:23 pm
this damed guild...i need it to accept me..becasue i may not ever get back t this ...its not like i can book mark ******** parents...
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Posted: Fri Jan 05, 2007 10:27 pm
I officially joined yesterday, even though my guild has been an affiliate for about a month. Reminds me I need to put this guild's banner somewhere on my guild's front page. >.>
Wont take too long.
And, you can always PM the link to yourself? Or even take one of the banners?
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 12:00 pm
January 6, 2007
Just woke up. An hour ago. Yes, at 2pm. I had a long and exhausting night, okay. D;
Well after I finished off my bowl at about 3, I got to bed after 4, couldnt sleep because my neice stayed over, and she slept in my bed... D;
Anyhow. I passed out before I realized I needed a cigarette too bad. But I hell need one now. gonk
Just ate some oatmeal, put on an incense. Maybe I'll clean my room up a little. Josh doesnt get off until after 7, and his uncle is having a dinner thingie. So I cant expect him until after 8 or 9?! sweatdrop
s**t.
Maybe I'll play my video game...
Eh. No. Stress makes me crave.
Lol, the other day, Josh and I were playing Tekken 5, it was getting good, I beat him a few times, he beat me a few times, and I smoked sooo much. D;
Mm.
Why do I love the way a fresh cigarette tastes? Why do I crave and long for the toxin filled smoke to seduce my lips and tongue and lungs.. Mm..
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 2:22 pm
January 6, 2007
Continued
Shitty shitty shitty shitty cigarettes.
Day 3
Number of Cigarettes Consumed:
1
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 8:47 pm
January 6, 2007
Continued
Man. Im kind of pissed.
Josh didnt come over today, which means no cigarettes. Im ******** dying. I cant think, Im fidgeting. I have that THIRST. s**t.
Josh thinks Im mad at him because he didnt come over. Im not upset, I understand why... He had a long day at work and at his uncle's birthday thing, and didnt feel like driving all the way out here.. -shrug-
I dont mind, really. But he thinks Im mad. D;
I need a smoke. Im gonna smoke a bowl a little later, once my mom takes herself to bed.
-sigh-
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Posted: Sat Jan 06, 2007 9:05 pm
Why is this called diary of a quitter if you smoke still? lol its more like "diary of a getting my hand on a cigg each day or else i have a withdrawll."
lol and I dont think it count if you stop ciggorettes but still smoke pot...lol razz i love your logic...and this was not to be mean jic your saying :" That ******** a** HOLE!!!!!"
I hope you get to do....what ever it is that you are wel doing smile ill keep reading...and fyi it wouldnt be bad to comment on my ballad either rofl razz
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![[fukai_mori_06]'s avatar](https://a1cdn.gaiaonline.com/dress-up/avatar/ava/7a/97/4036579c10977a_flip.png?t=1265783101_6.00_10)
