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 Posted: Mon Jan 08, 2007 5:55 am
I wrote this on the front page of a journal I keep to let out all my anger and such. Hope you like.
My tongue won't move,
shackled and restrained,
to speak of scars
and memories paind.
Rage sears my mind
yet I remain mute,
to battle alone
Reaping my labor's fruit.
My tongue won't move
if I beg it to
because I can't trust
my secrets to you.
Memories that haunt me
in my sleep.
Secrets who scold me
yet I try to keep.
So I wrestle the shadows
and make them submit
while to those around
I don't admit
THe rage repressed
the tears damed up
throbbing scars still
not healed shut
A girl huddles weeping
hurt and alone
a woman rages through
with anger to break stone
Life flows through others
like shikfting sand
but ne're will it be
shed by my hand.
Yet where my tounge is chained
my hands are free
so on these pages
is the darker me.
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Posted: Tue Jan 09, 2007 10:21 am
I really liked it. The use of repeations and a structure really made it flow for me. (I like the tradtion poem) The meaning was dark but it had a story so it made for a emotional read.
Nice
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 12:01 pm
Very nice introduction. It would definitely key the reader in on what they would be finding on the following pages. You kept a pretty steady beat and rhyme through out the poem too.
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Posted: Sat Jan 20, 2007 4:48 pm
The rhythm was really good and I loved the repetition. Through-out the piece though I noticed a few spelling errors, but those are easily changed. I also saw a few places where I personally would have added a comma or even a period. You might not have due to artistic choice, but maybe rereading it a couple times could help you find areas where a punctuation mark could be nice.
Overall, very nicely done. I really liked it!
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 10:00 pm
I really like it- really deep. I know what you mean too- I write to let out my anger. I either write a short, sad scene out of nowhere- usually concerning death or a poem about heartbreak, lol. I have many.
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Posted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 3:05 pm
amiahcomeforth I really like it- really deep. I know what you mean too- I write to let out my anger. I either write a short, sad scene out of nowhere- usually concerning death or a poem about heartbreak, lol. I have many. haha yah, many people who read my poems and stories start to worry about me.
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Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 9:22 pm
I love your poetry. It's... wow.
I'd love to read more of your work, so, yeah.
Note: I usualy hate with the rhymes. They get on my last nerve, but you make it work. More power to you
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Posted: Sat Jul 07, 2007 8:23 pm
Kesna amiahcomeforth I really like it- really deep. I know what you mean too- I write to let out my anger. I either write a short, sad scene out of nowhere- usually concerning death or a poem about heartbreak, lol. I have many. haha yah, many people who read my poems and stories start to worry about me. I can relate!! I liked the depth and structure of this. Very good.
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