This is what I have so far to the story I'm currently working on
The Trick to Dying is Staying Calm
I saw the light, but I felt no pain passing. Like my granddad said, the trick to dying is staying calm. Because once you start to panic that’s when the fear and the pain comes…..
May 13,1957, one day before my death.
I stepped out into the fading sun and shielded my eyes. I looked back and watched my momma come out of the church. Once she was outside she patted me on the back gently and sighed heavily.
“Listen, James. If you want to talk to anyone about…” my momma took a long pause. I looked back in the church at my brother’s casket. “Travis,” momma spat out my brother’s name and I looked back at her. “Then y-you can talk to me. I know you two had a special bond..and…I know it’s going to be ha-”
“Listen, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m fine,” I backed up a bit, away from momma. “He was the jackass that got himself into this, so it ain’t got nothin’ to do with me-”
“James Timothy Lank, do not talk about your brother like that.” I shrugged and headed back to the car. I heard momma sigh heavily once more before following me. I didn’t want to talk about Travis. But I guess it couldn’t be helped.
As I child I lived in Mounsville, Mississippi. It was a quiet, small town that you couldn’t find on any map. My brother, momma and me lived in a small cottage away from everything else. We were isolated but Travis was the only friend I really needed. That was until I met Jimmbo.
Nothing really happened here. There was a beating every now and again but murders and burglaries were rare to read about or hear about. It was only a few hours after they found Travis’s beaten body did everyone in town know. The media stopped by our little cottage often to ask questions. But my momma would blow up in their faces with her thick southern accent. I couldn’t even understand her. I don’t know how they got the story, but the next morning I woke up and felt like something was wrong.
I slipped out of bed and pulled back the drapes to look outside. It was a droopy Saturday morning. I turned to the door slowly and felt like I was going to regret stepping out into the hallway and walking into the kitchen, like I did every morning. But I did anyway.
I found momma dazed, sitting at the kitchen table. I walked up to her and placed my hands on the table.
“Momma?” I asked, there wasn’t an answer. “Momma?” I asked a bit louder. She looked at me. Her eyes looked like glass.
“James,” she laughed a bit nervously and played with this mornings newspaper. “I didn’t think you would be up so early. Here, sit.” Momma looked at me and patted the seat next to her. I did what she told me and I sat.
“Are you going to be ok?” I asked looking at her concerned. She laughed my question off. “Is it about what I said yesterday, after the funeral? Because I didn’t mean it momma, I didn’t-”
“No, it wasn’t that,” she said softly. “I just wanted to say….tell you that anything you hear about Travis today…Isn’t true alright?” She looked at me and smoothed the paper out. She slowly pushed it towards me and weakly smiled.
“Your brother wasn’t a bad person, I just wanted you to know.” Momma stood and walked into the living room to sit. We didn’t own a TV so the only thing there was to do in the living room was sit and daydream.
My eyes skimmed the paper and finally they rested on the headline. In black, bold letters it read:
17 year old Negro boy gets beaten
I looked down and a picture of Travis was by the article. A small smile swept across my face. I ran my finger over Travis’s picture, trying to burn him into my memory so I would never forget that wide grin of his. I sighed and started from the top of the article. I didn’t skim, it seemed short.
17 year old Travis Jonathan Lank found beaten to death in alley by drug store. Children were playing in an alley on May 09 around six o’clock. The children noticed a foot sticking out of a dumpster and ran to a near by house. When the police arrived they identified the body to be Travis’s.
Witnesses say earlier in the day Travis was talking to Caroline Dubose. Caroline’s older brothers, Carl, Red and Mick were claimed to be arguing with Travis. And that a punch was thrown not soon after the argument started. One witness told us that Travis walked off and that Carl threatened that “Travis’s death was to come tonight.” Carl, Mick and Red deny this claim.
“We never killed Travis,” Clark Dubose told our reporter Cynthia Neil. “I mean sure, we found him in the alley at night and beat him a little but what were we to do? A colored isn’t supposed to be talking with a white girl. Mick, Red and me hit him each twice, just to scare him a little. But that was all. After that we warned him to stay the hell away from our sister and turned him loose. Nothing else. I mean, how were we supposed to kill him? With our bare hands?”
The trial will begin on the 20th of May. The family of Travis refuses to talk with us.
I pushed the newspaper away from me and felt a chill through my whole body. Like my insides turned to ice. I shivered a little and lowered my head on the table. I closed my eyes tight, and heard Travis’s voice fill the empty space in the house.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Jimmbo was a dark skinned boy. He was darker than any colored folk in Mounsville. I met him when me and Travis went to the drug store for soda. Momma rarely let us go to town but she figured with me starting school and all it was a celebration. I was seven at that time and Travis had to get the soda for me. This was because a white woman was working at the counter and I would probably talk to her and do something wrong.
I was waiting outside when a beat up 1952 black Chevy pulled up. I was sitting on the steps of the drug store and watched the family walk out. The mother passed and smiled to me, I smiled back. The father passed and made no acknowledge that I was there. And then Jimmbo followed. He stopped and looked me up and down.
I didn’t know what Jimmbo was doing, and when I ask him now why he was looking at me funny he could never answer. Or he would just say “Because you’re a funny lookin’ guy.”
Jimmbo slowly went into the drugstore but he was still looking at me. By the time he went in Travis came out and threw me a Coke. Travis looked back at Jimmbo and then to me.
“Who was that?” Travis asked opening the Coke and taking a drink. I shrugged.
“I don’t know but he keeps lookin’ at me.” I had a hard time opening the Coke. I wasn’t strong like my brother and I believe I never will be. Travis snorted.
“Don’t think I’m going to help you.” Travis walked across the road to a colored girl and began to flirt.
I was still struggling when Jimmbo’s family walked out. When Jimmbo saw me struggling he took the Coke from me. Before I could say anything he had gotten the top off and was handing it back to me.
“You’re weak. You know that?” He said. I gave him a filthy look.
“Yeah, so?” I said annoyed. Jimmbo laughed. I didn’t think it was to funny.
“What’s your name?” Jimmbo asked. I heard the car doors of the Chevy close.
“James.” I replied taking a drink. I heard his father honk the horn for Jimmbo. Jimmbo looked at him and then me.
“Jimmbo.” He said running to the Chevy and getting in. I watched them drive away.
When me and Travis were heading back I had my head down. Travis looked at me and lightly hit me in the arm.
“What’s the matter with you?” He asked looking down the dirt road again. I looked up.
“Jimmbo.” I looked at Travis and Travis looked at me strangely.
“Who the hell is Jimmbo?”
“That kid, the one that was lookin’ at me.” Travis shook his head. I looked at him a bit confused. “What?” I finally asked.
“Nothing.” Travis whispered before speeding up to get to the cottage. I shrugged it off and followed after.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
After skipping eating breakfast I got ready to go to town. Momma seemed out of it to really care if I went or not. I was walking down the dirt road that would bring me into town when I heard someone faintly calling my name.
“James!!” It sounded like it was far off so I turned my head and looked. I saw Jimmbo running towards me.
When Jimmbo caught up he was catching his breath. I waited till he got his breath to start walking again.
“I read about-”
“I read it too.” I cut Jimmbo off. Jimmbo drew back a bit before saying something.
“We going to the drug store?” Jimmbo asked. I liked how Jimmbo stopped talking about a topic once he got you didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He never pushed you to get everything on it.
“Yeah sure, I can buy some gum.” I sighed and looked ahead. Me and Jimmbo slipped through an alley that brought us to the busy street. I looked up and down and began to walk up the street to the drug store. Jimmbo caught up and walked beside me.
We were almost to the drug store and I didn’t see her coming our way.
“Come on.” Jimmbo pulled me off the sidewalk. I looked up and saw Caroline walking our way. Me and Jimmbo looked down as she passed.
“Morning boys.” We heard her say to us. We still kept our heads down.
“Is she gone?” I whispered. Jimmbo tilted his head so it looked like he was sniffing his armpit. He lifted his head.
“Yeah.” He told me. I sighed with relief and didn’t dare to look back at her. “What the hell was she doing talking to us?” Jimmbo asked softly so only we could hear. I got back on the sidewalk and shrugged.
“I don’t know, probably trying to get us lynched.” Jimmbo nodded in agreement to what I said.
“Probably, or have her brothers do…” Jimmbo cleared his throat and didn’t say anything more until we got to the drug store.
I had two hours till my death came and I went to go buy gum. Believe me, if I would of known than I would of done something different.
Jimmbo opened the door for me and I stepped into the drug store. The cold air felt good so I stood in the doorway awhile till Jimmbo pushed me out of his way so he could get in.
“Stop messin’ around, look who’s at the counter.” Jimmbo gestured to the counter and I looked. It was Ms. Marty. One of the meanest ladies in town. Ms. Marty was one of those people that couldn’t stand a colored folk. But if she didn’t let colored people into her shop than there would hardly be business. So three years ago she hung a sign in the front window that read:
You don’t mess with me, I don’t mess with you
I looked down as she looked up at me and Jimmbo. I heard her mumble something. Me and Jimmbo moved to an aisle so she couldn’t see us and stayed there for some time. I think we made Ms. Marty mad or something, because once I got to where she could see me she said,
“Would you Negroes hurry up?” I took her command and bought two cents worth of gum and so did Jimmbo.
We hurried out of her store and down the street. We stopped at a rustic bench for our own kind. I sat down and shoved the gum in my mouth.
“I hate this place,” I said sighing and looking up. Jimmbo didn’t say anything. “I just…I want to go away. Never come back and see this place again. Maybe go north, or maybe to Canada.” Jimmbo was still silent. I looked at him and he was playing with his gum. “What’s the matter?” I asked sitting up. Jimmbo shrugged.
“My cousin’s in Canada, he says it’s cold there, that it snows.”
“I’ve always wanted to see snow…..” Jimmbo nodded slowly and unwrapped his gum just as slow as he nodded. I slumped back over and blew some bubbles.
“Would you really go to Canada?” Jimmbo asked. I looked at him and shrugged.
“I reckon I wouldn’t….but if I had the chance then….maybe,” I sat up and looked at Jimmbo. “Would you go to Canada?” He shook his head.
“I can’t stand the cold,” Jimmbo played with his gum before pushing it into his mouth. He laughed weakly and looked at me. He leaned over so his elbows were rested on his knees. “I put on that black, heavy coat I got, I’m still cold.” Jimmbo shook his head.
“When have you ever encountered the cold?” I asked.
“When I had to go north, for my grandpa’s birthday. He lives in Minnesota.” Jimmbo smiled a little and I couldn’t help but laugh. Jimmbo looked at the ground and then up. I looked in the direction he was looking. I sighed and stood.
“Guess we should get going.” I helped Jimmbo up and he nodded.
“My momma doesn’t know I’m down here. She was asleep when I left. She wake up and find me missin’,” Jimmbo laughed. “There’s goin’ to be hell to pay, let me tell you a story.” I shook my head and Jimmbo was grinning.
“If I ever did that, momma would come down here with her shoe in her hand lookin’ for me.” Me and Jimmbo laughed and began to walk.
We cut through the alley that we needed to get home. Jimmbo mentioned Canada again and then we got silent after that. I could see the rotted cabin from the corner of my eye and sighed. Jimmbo patted me on the back.
“I’ll see you around.” He said and put his hands in his pockets. I nodded a bit to say bye and so did Jimmbo. The porch creaked under my weight and for the longest time I swayed back and forth not realizing what I was actually doing. Momma must of heard the creaking because she opened the door and looked at me. I stopped swaying and she smiled gently.
“You best get in here James, don’t want that porch to collapse from you swaying.” I nodded and slowly walked inside.
I had about a hour and a half left and I spent that time sleeping. I always told people I wanted to go out with a bang, but it didn’t look so good there.
I woke up to the fading sun through my window. I cracked my back and got out of bed. When I got down the hall I saw momma in the kitchen making dinner. Jimmbo was at the kitchen table keeping her company. I smiled and walked in.
“Ain’t it sleepin’ beauty.” Jimmbo said as I sat across from him. I smiled weakly and attempted to wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
“I was just tellin’ your mom,” Jimmbo started, looking at momma and smiling. She smiled back at him. “That we should head to town.” I looked at momma and she nodded to tell me I could go. I looked at Jimmbo and shrugged with my right shoulder. He frowned a little.
“I don’t think I’m up to going to town.” I ran my finger over a hole in the table. That’s where Travis dug his pencil when he was doing school work and he was thinking. Jimmbo sighed.
“Then we can go to the lake.” I made a face and I could see Jimmbo give up and lean on his elbows.
“James,” I looked at momma as she sat next to me. “Dinner’s going to take awhile, it’ll be good for you to get out.” She smiled and took my hand. I finally gave in and would go with Jimmbo to, where ever.
As I shut the door behind me and walked off the creaking porch a thought struck me.
“Was momma calling me fat?” I asked aloud. Jimmbo quickly looked at me and a small smile was on his face.
“What?” He asked. I could tell he was trying not to laugh.
“Did…did you think momma was saying I was fat?” I asked again. Jimmbo pursed his lips like he was trying to push his laughter down. “Well, I was just thinking that. She told me to get out. All I ever do is eat and sit.” I poked my stomach. It wasn’t flabby but it wasn’t hard. Jimmbo looked away and I could see his shoulders move up and down. I knew he was laughing at me. I couldn’t help but laugh at myself too.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The thing was, I couldn’t shrug it off. Why did Travis shake his head at Jimmbo? Travis was sitting in the living room staring at a spider on the wall. I could see a pebble in his hand and I knew he was going to throw it at the spider.
“Travis?” I asked. Travis kept turning the pebble in his hand. “Why did you shake your head-”
“When did I shake my head?” Travis cut me off. I hesitated and Travis asked again. He didn’t look at me, he just turned that pebble.
“When I told you about that kid that was looking at me.” Travis didn’t say anything. I stood and looked at him for the longest time. But the only movement he gave was turning the pebble in his hand.
“I never shook my head.” Travis denied. I looked at him strangely. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it and slowly walked back to my room. I heard a bang and Travis cuss. He threw the pebble and missed the spider.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The lake was peaceful. A small bridge ran over it which couples liked to walk across to the other side where weeping willows would drag their long branches over you, and shade and beautiful flowers were everywhere. It was truly the garden of Eden. But the lake had a dark past, according to the legends. Most of the older people called the lake ‘Blood River‘, that’s because the water was a rustic color from your neck down. My granddad said that in the late 1800s a man was lynched and cut till his veins ran dry because some drunken men thought he was cheating at poker. They threw his bloody body into the lake, causing the water to turn its rustic color.
I don’t know why the older people called it a ‘river’ but people never asked. They would just go along with everyone and call it Blood River as well.
“I think I see a body.” Jimmbo pointed near the shade where the water was a deep red. I believed him and looked. Jimmbo laughed and I gave him a filthy look.
“You’re gullible, you know that?” He asked. I shook my head and he laughed again.
“Actually, I think there is a body,” Jimmbo stopped laughing and tensed up, so did I. I heard the voice some where before but couldn’t but a name or face to it. I knew it was a man though, he had a deep voice. “You see it?” The man asked. Me and Jimmbo didn’t move. I felt a hand on my shoulder and tilted my head just enough to see it was white. I looked ahead again and shrugged the hand off my shoulder.
“What do you want?” I asked. “We ain’t doin’ nothing wrong.” The man laughed.
“You’re like him, I wonder if you’re stupid like him too,” I didn’t get what the man was rambling on about. I guess the man knew because he continued when I didn’t say anything. “Travis, you see, he was stupid. He took a swing at me. If he’d just let us teach him a lesson and stop yelping and struggling I would of never had to kill him…” My eyes widened as I realized who it was. I turned to see Clark. He smirked.
Jimmbo turned his head enough to get a glimpse of Clark once he saw me turn around. I saw Red and Mick standing over by the bridge. I backed away from Clark and this only made a bigger grin on his face.
“We’re not going to do anythin’ to you. I mean,” Clark wiped the corner of his mouth off and looked over at his brothers. “We’re already going to trail for killing Travis, why do we need to get in trouble for killing another ******?” That was the first time I’ve heard Clark use that word. Jimmbo sneered and cracked his knuckles.
“You gonna’ fight him?” Red asked. Jimmbo laughed.
“Maybe I’ll……” Jimmbo looked away and mumbled the rest.
“What was that?” Red asked. Him and Mick laughed. Clark looked at us and reached out for Jimmbo.
“You leave those boys alone.” Clark stopped at the girls voice and grumbled. Caroline stepped out behind a tree with her hands on her hips. She looked like my momma. Jimmbo and I looked down. We heard her laugh softly.
“You don‘t need to look down.” She told us. We kept our heads down though. Clark mumbled something about us being some stupid Negroes. He moved over to Caroline.
“Get home.” Clark demanded. Caroline stayed where she was. He arms were drooping now. I looked up some and Mick came over and pushed my head down.
“Keep your head down,” Mick said in a raspy voice. “You’ll end up like your brother.” He laughed and I shoved him. Mick hit the ground and looked at me in astonishment. Clark turned and Caroline looked at us wide eyed.
Red’s laughter broke the silence. “Let me do it Clark, come on. No one will know.” I looked at Red. Red looked at me and smirked.
“I hope you can swim.” Red told me before walking over to me. Clark turned back to Caroline and tried to push her home but Caroline wouldn’t let him.
“Run!” She called to me and Jimmbo. I took her advice and took off running. Jimmbo was ahead of me, like he always was when we were running. But we couldn’t out run Mick and Red, they played football and were the fastest players on the team. They had us pinned to the ground in a minute or two. Clark was dragging Caroline away from the lake. She was kicking and screaming.
“Let me go!” She yelped. Clark put her down and slapped her. Caroline grabbed her cheek and Clark shoved her to the ground.
“You tell and we’ll kill you too.” After I heard Clark say that I struggled to get free. But Mick pushed me harder to the ground and I thought if I struggled anymore then my arm would come out of my socket. So I laid still.
Clark left Caroline on the ground. He came over to us. “Get off him.” Clark told Red. Red picked Jimmbo up and Jimmbo went to run but with the way Red was holding him Jimmbo couldn’t get away. Red laughed.
“What are we gonna’ do with them?” Red asked Clark. Clark roughly took Jimmbo away from Red and slammed him up against a tree.
“Listen here ******,” Clark said in a low voice. “You ain’t telling no body what you saw or heard. Any of that alright?” Jimmbo struggled and Clark slammed him against the tree again. “Alright?” Clark asked again. Jimmbo nodded and Clark threw him to the ground and stood over him. Jimmbo got up and looked at me.
“Stay and help and we’ll kill you too.” Red told Jimmbo. Jimmbo looked at Red and sneered. He mouthed a sorry to me and sprinted off. I didn’t really mind as long as Jimmbo was safe. I looked over at Caroline and she was sitting on the ground holding her cheek. She looked like she was in a daze.
“Let me see it.” I looked at Clark. When he said ‘it’ he meant me. Mick pulled me up fast and handed me off to Clark like I was some kind of toy. Clark brought me to the edge of the water and pushed me to my knees.
“I feel awful bad about doin’ this,” Clark started. “And, it’s goin’ to be a shame to find the limp body of James Lank floating in the lake. 14 years old and this is how you die. Any lasts words?” Clark asked me. I nodded.
“I’m 15.” I corrected him between clenched teeth. Clark laughed.
“My mistake.” He dunked my head in the water. I tried to get one of my hands free but it was no use. Clark was holding my hands behind my back with one hand and was keeping my head under the water with the other.
I remembered my granddad’s words then, that the trick to dying was staying calm. Because once you panicked that’s when the fear and the pain came. I shut my eyes tight and opened my mouth to yell and all I got was a bunch of dirty water. I tried to stay calm, but I didn’t think granddad’s saying really worked for drowning. I wonder if Travis stay calmed when he died.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I remembered Travis’s last birthday. It was about a month before he died. Travis had just gotten home from work that day, he worked at the gas station in town, and me, momma, and Travis’s girlfriend were getting ready for him.
Momma was setting his birthday cake on the dining room table when we heard the porch creak. At the time me and his girlfriend, Lena, were sitting on the floor, putting up the decorations and wrapping his four presents. We all stopped, and waited for the door to open.
Lena got up and brushed her dress off. “I’ll go distract him. You finish wrapping and Ms. Lank,” Lena turned to momma. “Come and get us when you get that beautiful cake done.” Momma smiled and Lena got to the door before Travis could.
When the door was shut we could hear Lena tell Travis to sit awhile and, Travis never questioned why. He sat and we heard them talk. I finished wrapping Lena’s present and stood to go into the kitchen to see how momma was doing.
She was setting the candles on the cake and she looked at me. “Don’t just stand there,” momma told me. “Help me get this place clean.” I nodded and ran over to the sink where there were bowls and spoons everywhere. I hurried and gave them a wash before sticking them away. Momma was setting Travis’s presents in the corner of the table.
“Which one’s yours?” Momma asked. I pointed to the blue one. She nodded. “And mine?” I pointed to the big one next to it. She nodded again. “And Lena’s?” I pointed to the one with the red ribbon and the gold wrapping paper. Momma smiled and nodded. “And I’m guessing the little one is from your father.” I nodded and momma went out on the porch. I stayed in the kitchen and looked the cake over. I couldn‘t wait to dig into it.
Travis was a bit surprised. He kissed Lena and hugged momma and he punched me in the arm. “Thanks you guys.” He laughed. Lena hugged his waist and laughed as well. Momma smiled sweetly.
“You’re welcome baby,” She said. I just rubbed my arm and gave a half smile. “James, don’t you act like that on your brother’s birthday.” I looked at momma confused.
“What am I doing momma?” I asked. I stopped rubbing my arm.
“What aren’t you doing?” Momma put her hands on her hips and I thought. After awhile I smiled and momma laughed. “That’s better.” She said going into the kitchen.
I shoved the marble cake into my mouth. It tasted like Heaven. Momma laughed when I went to shovel more in but it was more then I could handle.
“James, slow down. You’ll choke.” Momma shook her head and slowly slid a small piece into her mouth. Travis laughed at me.
“Yeah James, don’t want you dying on my birthday.” I smiled, the best I could, and Travis looked at me strangely. Lena laughed, I reckon she knew what I was going to do.
