Cereah
It's very good, and, like before, filled with lots of emotion. However, very little punctuation made it hard to figure out which parts were meant to stand out. It's technically not needed in poetry, but I think it greatly improves it when a piece has good punctuation.
One other note is that if you kept this piece with the first one you wrote, I think it would be easier to see the connection, since some people might not have read the first one. Also helps keep things organized...
That's it for me! Good job!
Agreed!
Punctuation is very important in poetry. It highlights pauses and emphasis. The way this is right now, you can read it several times, and it could sound different each one, as there is no punctuation to tell the reader when to pause, and how long, or which words should stand out in any given line.
*goes ot track down part one*
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