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 Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 6:25 pm
Think you wrote a nifty story that you just have to share?
Post it here!
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 6:34 pm
Here's one I wrote using one of my other characters. Her name is Ino Gomen. She's a shaman, a Dao-shi to be exact. Meaning she can control corpse. Her Uncle murdered her family while trying to perfect a machine that can sustain a souls live while being outside the initial vessel. Her brother was it's last victim. She managed to use the O-fuda, her tools as a shaman to conceal his avid soul into a mangled cat doll for a year then the spell lost power. She's now living by herself taking up necromancy to revive him body and all. So this way it will make more sense..
^^'' I just need some feedback on what you guys think.
Tapered black nails making a clicking noise that would have probably driven someone off the edge of insanity. Insanity. Such an abstract concept, yet it could become something as simple as having extreme methods. In that case, Ino must have been insane at the time. Insane for trying to master a art such as necromancy. Insane for trying to complete what was almost an impossible task. But in other ways she was seemingly normal. Keep in mind that we are talking about Miss Gomen here. Normal for her is like twisted reality for others. Being of 18 years of age, and having nor parental support financially. She forced herself to work at another local cafe that usually found it's busiest hours late at night, and the night life usually attracted drunks and men that pretty much hit on every waitress that worked there. Of course she hated her job, but it paid surprisingly well. Since the boss was always in short supply of waitress that had the patience to work with such booze-ridden loiterers he paid her extra. Enough for her to be able to buy a small house in a area near the cafe. The Semi-normal one. For the time being, she had been reading from one particular book for the past few hours. Minuets ticking away from the clock, time flying by with out the apprise sense that she was wasting the day away trying to matriculate the art of necromancy.
No progress
She closed the book, carefully, so that she wouldn't ruin the delicate leather cover. A sigh escaped her lips and she leaned back in her chair looking up at the ceiling idly, without a real purpose for doing so, then spoke for the first time in about a day or so.
" Kurosai-San. How long are you going to float in the corner and watch me read and re-read the same passages in this book before you say something?"
Her response came from the left corner in the room.
" I wouldn't have really said much...but since you implied that I should. Perhaps I shall. "
For any average person to glance to the direction that the barely audible voice was coming from, they would have seen darkness. Knowing nothing other than what their eyes let them see. Nothing at all. But The ghost of Mine Kurosai was indeed there, only visible to those eyes that believed he was there. Or, if you were just a shaman by blood.
"Perhaps. old man...you never cease to amuse me. So tell me. What is it you have to say?" she asked in sly tone, interested in what the old ghost had to say.
He floated down to where he could see her in the eye. His transparent sad, dead looking eyes piercing into her violet eyes.
"Tell me Ino. Are you staying true to your originally intended objective? Or has you attempt to pick-up on the art of necromancy to revive Tatchi-Chan turned into a act of revenge against your uncle? Answer in the utmost truthfulness for I cannot be deceived." he rasped in his permanently aged voice. The cursed thing had followed him even to the eternal afterlife. So much for eternal beauty. He died old and weak, and he shall go on existing as old and weak.
Her heart stopped instantly on the word revenge. Her eyes stared at him for a moment. Lying about it had crossed her thought in that second when she let ever possible answer swing back and forth from every corner of her mind. No, why lie? He could read her like an open book, why attempt the impossible. Reluctantly she answered.
"So it seems...I have..."
Truthfully, she had. Tatchi had been the last thing on her mind for the past month. Revenge on her b*****d of an uncle had been the top priority. Revenge. Once again, such a abstract subject. It meant many things to different people. For Ino, it meant killing. Making his blood be a paying tribute for what she was at a loss for.
" I see, in that case. You will never learn something if it's going to be used for improper motives." he voiced,
Her hands trembled subconsciously, yet not in a state of fear. But rather a state of utter disappointment with herself. Her vision teared slowly, making it hard to see what her tears were falling on. She wiped them, and gritted her teeth. It took a lot to make her cry. A LOT.
Her eyes wandered to the picture of a younger her and her brother on the corner of the desk. A simple gesture was made by putting her hands across her eyes to mask the tears that wouldn't stop. Then uttered one thing. Just one.
" Promises are meant to keep? Right Tatchi-Chan?"
And somehow. She knew he had heard her.
(( I think the beginning was good personality and the ending was sweet. But I didn't like the rest I think it was poorly written.. D: Any feedback?))
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 2:24 pm
I like it.
It looks rather interesting, and nice detail. biggrin
Are you going to write more? If you are I wanna read! lol
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 3:34 pm
xD
Thanks.
I dunno if I'm gonna write more though. I might just start another Fan Fiction and make it sort of part 2 of this one.
sweatdrop
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