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 Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 10:04 pm
HEY EVERYONE!!! HERE IS WHERE YOU WILL LAUGH!!! AND TELL ALL UR GREAT JOKES.
HERE'S THE PLAN:
1: KEEP TO GAIA ToS. That means PG13 and such.
2: Come in here and tell jokes
3: If you can't think of a joke, or if you just don't feel funny, try chatting, that can often turn out amusing.
I suppose I'll start with a joke, just to get things rolling.
MICHAEL JACKSON JOKES
A) what do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common? They are both white and dangerous for children
D) What do Michael Jackson and an xbox have in common?
Both get turned on by kids!!!
E) What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave little boys' rooms with empty sacks
F) What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?
They both have small boys pants at half off!
G) McDonald's is bringing out a new "Michael Jackson Burger"...
It has 35-year-old meat inside 5-year-old buns.
H) What did Michael Jackson order at the Chinese restaurant?
Sum Yung Boy!
I) What's 6 + 46 + 5?
A threesome with Michael Jackson.
J) What’s soft and brown and sometimes found in little boy's diapers?
Michael Jackson's hand!
K) What did the little boys mother say to Michael Jackson while at the beach?
I think you’re in my ‘sun’
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Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 10:17 pm
LMFAO.. rofl The mcdonald one was just too much lol..
Here are some chuck norris facts:
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
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Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 8:38 pm
Not sure if it's a joke...
but I heard Paris Hilton say it on her reality TV series, The Simple Life:
Some girl: "Yeah, we all shop at Wal-Mart."
Paris: "What's that?"
Some girl: "You don't know what Wal-Mart is??...O.O"
Paris: "What??...Does it sell walls or something?"
Anyway, I was trying to think of a blonde joke and this came to mind.
Good job Paris!!
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:27 am
vi3tdorkness Not sure if it's a joke... but I heard Paris Hilton say it on her reality TV series, The Simple Life: Some girl: "Yeah, we all shop at Wal-Mart." Paris: "What's that?" Some girl: "You don't know what Wal-Mart is??...O.O" Paris: "What??...Does it sell walls or something?" Anyway, I was trying to think of a blonde joke and this came to mind. Good job Paris!! hahahahaha!! yeah that was actually funny!!
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:26 pm
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if he has his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No" wahmbulance
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day" rofl
A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?" rolleyes
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:40 pm
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". Billy says, "Ok mommy." and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams "MOMMY! I'm still blind, my wish didn't come true!", the mom answered, "I know - April Fools!" stressed
The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS." sweatdrop
Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me. Second Woman : "I know..." First Woman : "How?" Second Woman : "My dog told me." domokun
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:46 pm
TOP 10 SIGNS YOUR FAMILY IS STRESSED...
10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
8. The cat is on Valium.
7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.
5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:47 pm
TOP TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE PMS...
10. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
9. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
8. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
7. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
6. You're using your cell phone to dial up bumper stickers that says, "How's my driving? Call 1-800-EAT-CRAP."
5. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
4. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.
3. You're counting down the days until menopause.
2. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
1. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:51 pm
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND...
10. Cats' facial expressions
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds
7. Fat clothes
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time
5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow
3. Eyelash curlers
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made
1. OTHER WOMEN
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:55 pm
TOP TEN TV SHOWS IN IRAQ
10. Husseinfeld
9. Mad About Everything
8. Allah McBeal
7. Wheel of Fortune and Terror
6. Achmed's Creek
5. The Price is Right if Saddam Says it's Right
4. Children Are Forbidden From Saying Anything Darndest
3. The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show
2. Buffy the Slayer of American Imperialist Dogs
1. Suddenly Sanctions
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 12:56 pm
Beware of new virus outbreaks on computers everywhere, such as...
Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by c:>
Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro organism."
Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole dang thing quits.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child process without joining into a binary network.
Government Economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).
Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.
Public Television virus: Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self distructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
Ollie North virus: Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
Nike virus: Just does it.
Sears virus: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.
Jimmy Hoffa virus: Your programs can never be found again.
Congressional virus #2: Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
Imelda Marcos virus: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
Star Trek virus: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
Health Care virus: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
George Bush virus: It starts by boldly stating "Read my docs...No new files!" on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
LAPD. virus: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC and erases them in "self-defence."
Oral Roberts virus: Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, its programmer will take it back.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 1:07 pm
There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette hanging from a rope.
The rope is connected to a helicopter that's slowly drooping with all of the weight....
Sooo, the brunette begins to make a LOOONG a** speech of how she'll let go so that all the blondes can be saved.
In the end, through their tears, the blonds clap.
@ Lee: LOL, funny jokes. I like the George Bush one.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 1:15 pm
vi3tdorkness There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette hanging from a rope. The rope is connected to a helicopter that's slowly drooping with all of the weight.... Sooo, the brunette begins to make a LOOONG a** speech of how she'll let go so that all the blondes can be saved. In the end, through their tears, the blonds clap. @ Lee: LOL, funny jokes. I like the George Bush one. THAT ONE WAS FUNNY!! THANKS!! wahmbulance
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