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A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a*****e!

Just had to share....I'm so bad! Mwahahahaha!

rofl rofl rofl

So it's St. Pattties day in England and three Englishman walk into a bar.
Over in the corner there is one lone Irishman.
The first Englishman walks in and sees the lone man and says, "Hey boys, look, there's a Irishman over in the corner. Let's go mess with him." Englishman 2 says, "Okay, I've got this. Watch me."
So, Englishman 2 walks over to the Irishman and says "HEY! Irishman! I heard that your St. Patty was a f*****t and like to have sex with sheep!"
The Irishman simply replies with, "Oh, I didn't know that." and the returns to his drink.
Englishman 2 walks back to the other two shaking his head and says, "I told him that St. Patty was a f*****t and liked to have sex with sheep and he just told me that he didn't know that!"
Englishman 3 says, "You just don't know what you're doing. I'll show you."
So Englishman 3 walks up to the Irishman and says, "HEY! Irishman! I heard that your St. Patty was a transvestite hooker!"
The Irishman replies with, "Oh, I didn't know that either. Thanks for telling me."
Shaken, Englishman 3 walks back to the other two. "I told him that St. Patty was a transvestite hooker and he said he didn't know that either! He's unshakable mates."
Englishman 1 says, "Stand back and watch boys. I'll show you how it's done."
Englishman 1 walks up to the Irishman and says, "HEY! Irishman! I heard your St. Patty was an Englishman!"
The Irishman looks up and over at Englishman 1. "Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me." he says calmly.

Subject: TRIPLETS

A woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.
Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in
because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy
daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in
tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out," replied the daughter. The mother told her it was okay
and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.
"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out." Again the mother
told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. "It's okay" said the
Mom, "I know what happened! You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came
out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

these are all very silly. biggrin