Welcome to Gaia! ::

Not sure if this is the right place for this...


My name is Ryan, I am 21 years of age, and live in CT, USA.

Growing up was different than the normal family, but then again, what is normal? Anyway, I lived with my mother since I was a kid, my father was there on weekends. (Divorced). And I have moved about 15 times in my life. (No lie, some in close distance from others, but yea...) However, my family on either side was never religious. Maybe a few uncles and aunts, but they all have different views. I was never baptized, but I believe in the Catholic/Christian faith. (Tattoos of Virgin Mary, and a Cross on my body) I came here to see if I can find someone that can help me find the light of God. My life has been empty. I have prayed, I have talked to Him, however I am not sure if it is because that I am not baptized, that things are not turning out more to my favor. I feel bad, with myself. I can look at a quote from The Bible, and have no idea where it came from nor who said it. Same thing with people, give me a name, I am clueless. I have a few bibles, but I don't know where to start in it. Some people say that there is a specific way you should start, and not in Genesis. That, and it's very confusing.

Currently, I have been fired from my job due to false accusation of stealing. No job, means no rent money, so I got evicted and living with a friend. The car came with the job, so yea, I don't have one of them either.
A love of my life has pretty much got out of my life becasue of this. With this person, I was engauged, had a kid, but aborted. (Was not my choice, her mother and father would have been pissed. That and I don't think we would be strong enough to support it. I have asked God for forgiveness about a year or two ago when it happened.) I am a mess right now, I think I go into a right direction and I end up hitting the wall. My mother has offered me to go live with her about an hour away. But the thing is she drinks, and there has been an abusive relationship in the past leading me to beleive I wouldn't last long there. I am more worried about this love of mine...2 years going out, 3 years known her. Broke up last year Jan 16, and around April she started talking to me again. This New Years before all this happened she kissed me on the lips and said someday we'd be together again. But now becasue of my position, I don't think it's going to happen. And she maybe look for someone else.

***

This is enough for me right now


I thank you for your time.

I agree and I am praying too. I was also raised in the Catholic faith and I have also experienced that empty feeling before I knew what it meant to be completely forgiven by God through Jesus sacrifice on the cross. Many churches baptize- some have infant baptism, some have full immersion baptism and some (I've only seen on TV) take you down to a river.

See if you can find a men's group online that is catholic/christian. Maybe there are some bible studies in your area. If you have never heard of it, the Alpha bible study is awesome intro to the christian faith.

Here's a link to Alpha (I have taken it myself when I was new to the faith) : http://alpha.org/default.asp

You know more about what it is to be a christian then you realize and it's awesome that you have a desire to learn more from the bible. Sometimes I just do a topical search in the bible (sometimes the back of the bible has a subject list or concordance) and for example I will look up the word "love" or "salvation" or "forgiveness".
Here's another useful link: http://www.biblegateway.com/

I hope that helps and you know our parents can affect how we relate with others- even girlfriends. I think you're very brave to share what you have shared here.

I'm totally praying for you, man. biggrin

What I think would be most important is that you find some time to spend with God. Talk to Him. Read His Word (I would start in Matthew). It sounds so cliche and generic, but there's a reason why it's a cliche: it really helps. Because what kind of relationship can be sustained without communication? If you stop talking to a friend, your freindship with him or her slowly dies away. The same thing goes with God. You have to spend time with Him. And I'm not saying you don't already, cause I don't know. All I know is that in Hebrews 11 it says "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

As far as your troubles go, I'm sorry. That must be really tough. Just remember that God is always with you, and sometimes is only a prayer away. biggrin