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 Posted: Sat Feb 03, 2007 8:15 pm
I cry out from darkness
and beg for the light
attempt to break the chains
with all of my might
sweat and blood on my brow
and clenching my teeth
bolted down by the sin
that lies underneath
and only you can save me
from all the pain that breaks me
i look to you above
and ask you pour down your love
it breaks me down to pieces
and builds me so much higher
set my soul on fire
hold me close my holy one
wipe away my tears
stand firm and defeat
the foundation of my fears
my saviour tonight
and forevermore
give me the release
that ive been longing for
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2007 9:27 am
You've got a good, solid theme going here. It feels a tad cliche though, to be honest. A lot of symbolism such as 'cry out from the darkness' can be over used. Try to make the symbolism more personal. Draw from your raw emotion, everyday experiences, personal stories.
But good start. Your point is very clear. Is the middle section the chorus, or is it three verses?
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Posted: Wed Oct 17, 2007 8:23 pm
Even though it is untitled, maybe you can call it Only You, that would be an awesome ttle, wonderful son, very interesting indeed
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 4:38 pm
whoa! sounds looks good! xP wish i could hear it put to music...
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Posted: Sun May 09, 2010 7:37 pm
OMGOSH!!!!! That is awesome!!! I'm feeling that same way right now!! I just made a thread and put the first part of a song in it. Check it out please! I was just putting my feelings on the page, so it's not that good. heart
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Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 2:01 pm
i lik it lol looks good 2 me
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Posted: Sun Sep 12, 2010 3:53 am
This is sounding really good...
You know with this part
and only you can save me
from all the pain that breaks me
i look to you above
and ask you pour down your love
it breaks me down to pieces
and builds me so much higher
set my soul on fire
This should be the chorus and then add only you at the end
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2011 9:58 pm
Craigor You've got a good, solid theme going here. It feels a tad cliche though, to be honest. A lot of symbolism such as 'cry out from the darkness' can be over used. Try to make the symbolism more personal. Draw from your raw emotion, everyday experiences, personal stories. But good start. Your point is very clear. Is the middle section the chorus, or is it three verses? I agree that it's a little cliche. But only a little. I like it alot. smile Keep writing.
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