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 Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 3:20 pm
 He hadn't been able to sleep in the least. That much was unfortunate. However, Auron was not one who would have complained about such things, and in respect to his slumbering companion, had left their place of resting to go out and walk for the night.
Here was to hoping he wouldn't lose the mostly-black figure of Asherah when he needed to come back.
With his luck, however, he wouldn't lose her. Paranoia was a thought he wasted, thus had given up on it long ago, simply pacing through the grass outside of their previous days travel, the jungle, until he found a nicely secluded spot to sit and stare at the sky.
Auron had, once upon a time, stared at this same sky with his 'father' and 'mother' and 'sister' and 'neices' and 'nephews' with a strange fondness. In fact, the sight of the sky made him feel almost nostalgic.
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Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 4:29 pm
Nyu will be alright... Tara grimaced and turned back the other way, her tail flicking. She'll forgive me. And Momma will be fine. She HAS to understand. I just can't stay like that, LIVE like that, anymore...
With a huff, the lioness shook her head and broke away from the jungle, making her winding way throught the empty (or so she thought) plains. Night hid her dark pelt, and only her white stripes were visible in the scant moonlight. She was perfectly patterned for stealth in the open fields, but tonight Tara wasn't focused on silence.
Grass swished beneath her paws and branches crackled. She swore softly to herself and muttered, so lost in her own problems that she didn't notice the pale lion nearby.
I'll have to get away, far away. Far enough that Nyu won't find me, and will have to go home. She nodded to herself. "That's it. That's the only way."
Deep breath. Another. She peered into the darkness, staring up at stars that she too had once gazed at while surrounded by family.
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Posted: Mon Feb 05, 2007 4:51 pm
The crackling branches and lack of attempt to disguise oneself is what caused the wandering mind of the warrior to crash-land back on earth, looking off towards the source of the noise while his dark eyes adjusted quickly to see in the darkness of the night.
Dark lion.. white markings. Hmm. He was starting to get deja-vu from the sight of her. However, for now he wouldn't move to investigate the stranger, instead simply watching her with a bit of bored curiousity. How many were up at this time of night?
Well, he couldn't blame her (or him, he couldn't tell.. ) for being up at night. With a coat like that, it was the easiest time to hunt, when the sun wasn't making them stick out in the dry grass of the savannah. Though the grass here wasn't as 'dry' to say.
Soon enough, however, Auron was able to tell that there was a certain amount of distress to their mannerisms. A slouch in the shoulders, the way they carried their head. If there was anything the lion had learned from his family, it was how to read emotion in the body from a distance away.
As well as how to react to such things. Rising to his feet, the older lion (MUCH older, might have been added.. ) turned to approach Tara, only to see if for sure there was something wrong and perhaps offer a listening ear (though he was a stranger... Auron simply had found that people had a way of spilling their guts out to him at times..).
"Is everything alright?"
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 1:19 pm
The soft, undoubtably male voice cut through her thoughts. Starting, Tara shied away from the looming figure, her hair raised and eyes wide. But even as she backed away his words - clearly not threatening - sank in and she blushed.
"Yes, I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be?"
Her voice was low, almost defensive. Why would she confide in a complete stranger? Especially when she couldn't even bring herself to confide in her own family. When she left them cold and alone in caves by themselves. Tara winced and shook her head, as though to clear such thoughts from it. When did she become so cold? The change had been almost unnoticable...
Waking from her musings, she peered into the darkness and studied the lion before her for the first time. Although it was dark, his pale coat was illuminated by the moon and the scant starlight - it shone a silver-white, although she supposed it could be any shade of pale in the sun. His mane and tail tuft were darker, possibly black. One thing was certain though - she'd never seen him before.
He looked strong, and his voice had been so concerned. Tara sank back on her haunches and sighed, her eyes drifting closed for a moment. She was so tired. But sleep wouldn't come, or if it did... well, she didn't want to face those dreams again.
Maybe he would let her just stay here for a little while, with him. She thought of her father and wondered if she would ever see him again.
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 2:22 pm
His expression remained sober even as she replied, in a sort of defensive manner, almost as if she had been offended he'd asked her such a thing. He'd received such responses before, however, thus the lion simply watched as Tara winced and shook her head.
Again, a physical sign of internal struggle.
So he sat in the grass and simply watched the paranoid female as she investigated him (he hadn't thought himself to be THAT daunting.. ), then seemed to think, considered things, sat. Auron almost wanted to smirk at how much he was being judged from her safe distance away from the warrior. It was a good enough distance for him, he'd guess.
Auron had never been good about allowing others to invade his personal space either, so it was only fair she could back away from him and keep to her own personal space as well.
Everybody was safer at a distance.
"I only asked because you carry yourself as though you have a deep wound into your being."
The way he said it, it didn't sound like he was talking about a physical scar to her body, but more of something that hit the very depths of who she was. He remembered the weight of leaving home as well, so that was all he could guess of her current plights. A young bird taking her first free flaps of her wings to fly away.
A night breeze caused the older lion to lift his head and look up towards the sky, the wind rustling his mane. Auron closed both of his eyes while it blew against his face, only to open them when it died down, though he did not look back at the lioness.
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 3:35 pm
Tara suprised herself with a laugh. It bubbled up out of her before she could stop it, and it frightened her. Dark, bitter... when did that happen? Her voice echoed loudly in the silent night and she quickly snapped her mouth shut. Laughter threatened again, but she managed to hold it back. Taking a deep breath to quell her strange emotions, she spoke.
"If anyone has soul-deep wounds, it would be the family I left behind."
Conceited much? Perhaps. But wounds didn't mean they still loved her, and she was sure she'd hurt them. Hahi in the least would be inraged at her betrayal of the family. Has- Mother, well... Tara didn't even know what mother would do. Pine or latch onto another one of her six daughters. She tried not to care, she really did.
But Nyu...
"I left her in a cave."
Tara's voice was little more than a low moan. Her head lowered, ears pinned, eyes squeezed shut. Poor lonely Nyu. Poor stupid, trusting Nyu. Why did you believe me? Why didn't you just go home? She mourned. Banji... she wished she could blame him. But he had only give her the idea. She was the one who put it to action.
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Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 3:50 pm
His head turned towards the venomous female, his good eye narrowing a bit, while the useless and scarred eye seemed to almost not move at all. That had not been a laugh. That was the mask of insecurity. About what, He wouldn't ask. Instead, Auron simply observed and listened, such was his skill.
"Truely?" he repeated, again looking away from the striped lioness as she sorted her thoughts, seeming to be amused by how things were treated by her as she thought.
Auron had been left alone with the thoughts of the family he hadn't so much as wounded with his leaving, as with what he'd taken in order to exist to begin with. It was a bit of a nostalgic moment.
The voice of the female again broke the air, causing the dark-maned male to casually look back towards her.
While the words themselves were lost with the voice they'd been spoken in and how Tara cringed brought Auron to rise up in the grass again, almost silently. He'd turned his head to look back up at the sky.
However, he soon began to speak.
"I was raised in a lie, those whom were my 'parents' treating me as if I was something I really wasn't. Even when I knew the truth, I held on to the facade, if only to make them happy."
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Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 3:35 pm
For a moment she thought this was some kind of sick joke. Surely he knew her family, and had spoken with them recently. Perhaps they'd even sent him after her, to change her mind? ... no. That was just paranoid, stupid. Tara just wasn't the only one with a crappy childhood.
"... I know how that is. I'm sorry." What did you say to that? How could you console? There wasn't anything to do, but let someone else know you felt for them.
In a way, that was a nice thing to know, that she wasn't alone. Tara cast the pale lion next to her a sideways glance, but didn't at first reply. When she did, she spoke with a wry smile, hoping that he wouldn't think she was mocking his own unfortunate past.
"I was raised in the hopes that I could fulfill my mother's desperate desire for a son."
Something I would obviously never be. The smile faded.
"So I left."
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Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 6:26 pm
He looked over to Tara when she sympathized for him, and Auron shook his head. "It isn't something I regret. If we regret every action that has passed with our lives, we forget to live." He remained standing, looking up at the sky with a sober expression, almost like they were the saddest sight he'd ever be able to see.
Again when she spoke, his head slowly turned to look at her, expression straight, before he smirked a bit at how she treated the topic. "Would you have preferred if she'd made someone else her son? You obviously must have held some meaning to her." There was no 'comfort' or 'I'm trying to explain' in his tone. It was just a thought.
Auron had made no movement to explain what his own family bane had been, as Tara had, but he did finally sit back down again, a silent sign of sympathy. He did, however, make one explanation.
"My own sister couldn't stand the sight of me anymore. I drove her to the end of her mind. So I had to leave, if only to spare her anymore mental suffering I was causing."
Saying it out loud, he suddenly laughed, like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. He looked away again.
"Then again, those who we love, and those who love us never realize how much they hurt."
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 4:15 pm
"But I can still feel sorry for what you went through, if only because I know I didn't like it."
She paused, considering what he said. "I would have preferred to be myself. But now I'm not always certain what that is." Tara shrugged and picked at the grass by her paws. "If she had neglected me, I would have felt the same. Now I have sisters who envy me for something I never wanted, and something they never got."
But she could agree with his last statement. It was family that had the most power to hurt - when you loved someone, you gave them a power over you that, more often than not, ended up hurting you in the end.
"Hatred strengthens the heart, but love..." She smiled sadly. "... Love will break it."
She didn't remember where she'd heard that, but she'd never found a saying more true. Had her mother railed against her, had she yelled and threatened, Tara would have no remorse. She would have let things be, and walked off cold. But... now, she wasn't so certain.
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 4:58 pm
He listened, quietly, allowing her to express her feelings on what he'd said, while making no point of interuptting. This stranger made rather valid points on how her life was, and how she'd wished it had been. Auron shifted his weight a bit, his claws digging into the dirt.
He shifted the soil a bit as he claws dug into it, then, using the same paw, would rub it down again. It was almost a strange and repetitive habit. Over and over and over again. Either that, or he was entertaining himself. Or getting dirt in his claws for the hell of it.
Whichever.
Auron looked back to Tara as she stated her thoughts on love and hate and how it affected the heart. A bit of a smirk formed on the older lion's face as she said it, his attention then turning up towards the sky, though he still faced the dark lioness.
"You believe that?" he asked, lifting a paw and flexing his toes a bit, looking down at his pawpads.
"If hatred makes the heart stronger, then how come it comes full circle and hurts?" Auron looked at the lioness. "You're young. You shouldn't make brash decisions because life dealt you a bad hand. One you may love may break your heart, but the one that loves you, will not. At least, not intentionally."
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 5:26 pm
"Yes. I do, actually." She looked at him sideways. "I never said hate makes the hard stronger. I said it makes the heart harder. There's a difference."
Flicking her tail, she rose to her feet and stretched. "Trees are strong, like in the jungle. They bend when there's a storm. Hard things crumble under pressure."
Of course love was important, who could live without it? But she didn't think she wanted any love for a long time. Honestly, she didn't know if she could handle the pain again. It might be better to just... fend others off. Keep everyone at a distance, and then she wouldn't be hurt until she was ready for it.
It never really crossed her mind that love might not always end in hurt. Or, if it did, that the joy might be worth the pain. The it might indeed far exceed the hurt.
Laying back down, the lioness rolled onto her back and peered up at the night sky. On the edge of the jungle the trees still overhung the grass, giving her a sense of protection that she wouldn't have when she was out in the complete open.
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 8:09 pm
"Actually. Yes you did. 'Hatred strengthens the heart'. That's exactly what you said, correct?" Auron said, looking over to the female as she moved, the action catching his attention. Then again, anything that moved did that to everybody. Her analogy about trees was curious, so he interjected; "But even trees are split when struck by lightening." he pointed out sagely in a matter-of-fact tone.
When Tara lay back down, Auron looked away from her, rising up as if to make a move to go somewhere. But he didn't move. At least, not quite.
There was a moment, before he sighed again and sat back in the grass, leaving his back facing the emotional female. Then again, he'd been a wreck once-upon-a-time as well.
Auron finally lay in the grass as well, his pale body still able to be seen through the dark-green stalks. The old lion still looked up towards the sky.
"Then again, you should be glad that all you were dealt in life from others was to be treated as the 'son'. You could have had worse."
He spoke only after a long enough pause that he had organized his thoughts into a pattern. "And you left your family of your own accord. The only person who formed what you are now, is you."
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 8:49 pm
She didn't remember exactly what she said, but then again it didn't really matter. This pale lion seemed certain he was correct, just as she was sure of her own rightness. What would be the point of arguing that?
"Yes. It's true, and then it burns to the ground and nothing is left." So in that case, if your heart was a tree, then your heart would be... ash. So... ugh. This had gone too far. Philosphy wasn't her forte, and she wasn't really in the mood to discuss it anyways.
"I know." She muttered. "But I would have liked to be treated like a daughter. Just for a little while." After all, that's what she was.
It was true though. She -had- run away from her family. She'd left the responsibility behind and fled, left her sisters and her mother alone with whatever guilt they felt. Or hatred. She thought of the look in Hahi's eyes and shuddered.
"My family was everything, and THEY made me who I am." She disagreed. "We all affected each other. But I only have myself to blame for my actions." Oh, she knew -that- all too well. But there was a difference, she thought. It was the people you met in life, and the situations they met you in, that made you who you were.
"And someone helped -you- become who you are too."
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 9:02 pm
Auron shook his head. "Nobody helped me become who I am. Others simply created situations, and it was I alone who decided how to respond. It is that which creates a being." He licked the dirt from his paws, seeming to mull over how to best finish the thought.
"If others helped make you, are you truely an individual? If so, then go home. Those who cut-and-paste from others should not be out in the world."
The old lion heaved himself up to his feet, his muscles groaning a bit at how much he kept moving pointlessly. They were exhausted. Why wouldn't he SLEEP already?
"You made yourself. You alone. You cannot blame others for what you became. You could have put a paw down as a child and demanded to be treated as what you were and nipped it in the bud. Did you even try to do that?"
Auron gave Tara a firm stare.
"Besides. You know what a mother shouldn't be like now. Won't that give you the ability to create positive situations for others to react to in the future you create for them."
He walked through the grass towards her, stopping, still, outside of the reach of his own paws (He was bigger, she probably couldn't get him if he couldn't get her.)
"You are writing your own story now. Are you going to start it off by arguing with an old lion like me about things you can't change, or are you going to get up, and show me that my first opinion of you is wrong, and show your family what you're really made of?"
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