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 Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 6:58 pm
The silhouettes rise and they fall
A myriad of images
Go floating along on the wall
As she stands by the window shade
But he can’t see through curtain’s blind
He needs to hear her soft, sweet voice
As she stands with the light behind
And casts her subtle silhouette
He stands out in the cold winter wind
As it howls outside her window
He walks in shame as though he’d sinned
Out of the light of the porch lamp
She hesitates then pulls aside
Her curtain in the dark of night
All the hope of her life denied
As he wanders out of her sight.
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Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 9:12 pm
Oooh... I love it. I especially love your rhyme scheme: ABAC. I usually only see ABCB. I love everything about it and can't think of much to edit. The only thing that really bugs me is the last stanza. I'm a stickler for rhyme patterns. That stanza breaks what you have so far.
But it's a really cool poem. biggrin
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:17 am
rhyme is something that serves two functions.. it adds sctructure (and yes, i love the ABAC format because putting it on lines 1 and 3 it's not as prominent and easyer to ignore) but it can also be used for emphasis. i like to use it at the end of a poem to sort of tie it up indicating an end.
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