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“Sleeping Beauty”
Sleeping Beauty’s a hemophiliac, yup, betcha didn’t know that, but you know what? Now you do. Oh, and did I mention? She’s actually a he, yeah, it works like that. So anyways, this is my story. I’m Jonathan (a.k.a GOD) and I’m the caretaker of this child. Actually, it’s more like a babysitter, but let’s not sweat the details; all that matters is me right now, so suck it up.
So, you’re probably wondering, who Sleeping Beauty really is, I’ll tell you, since I’ve known this kid since birth. So, her… er… his real name’s actually Mary-Sue. No, I’m not joking, not a bit, his parents really did hate him that much. Growing up, this kid’s always been the indoorsy kind of person, which made my job just that much harder. Ever had to play Hide-And-Seek with a soon to be drag queen who would blend into with all the rest of the girls in the castle? If you don’t believe me, all girls look the same at this stage. Everyone has long golden hair and a lovely pink dress that’s covered with frills, walk into a room and *BAM* what do you find? A bunch of people all dressed the same and looking the same. Have you any idea in the name of Holy Latona how annoying that is? So anyways, poor Mary-sue eventually figured that his parents really wanted a pretty little girl to marry off and instead of getting what they wanted; they got the wrong end of the bargain with the baby fairies and instead got a son.
Man, the day that the boy was given gifts for his first birthday, all I saw were swords and knives and weaponry, everything that I had always wanted, everything that I had wanted to use, all these were given to this child, everything was given to this child. Even me, I was twelve when I was given away to serve this pretty boy… but that’s enough ranting for now.
Anyways, that wicked stepsister that everyone’s rambling about? The one that wasn’t invited? Yeah, her, the one that ‘ruined’ the party, she’s actually a doctor and figured that Mary-sue’s got problems with his blood; but did anyone listen? Nope, not at all. They just wrote it off as a bad omen and made sure I took care of it myself… when I was twelve. Isn’t that a lovely thought for all of y’all?
Well anyways, lovely little Mary-sue grew up to be a ‘fine and dainty lady’. Okay, that’s actually an understatement, he became a lady in ever sense save for one part of the human anatomy. Simple as that. He wears dresses all the time and was courted by all the men. Sometimes, I kinda want to see their faces when they find out that the ‘fair lady’ is actually a ‘handsome gentlemen’. But hey, that’s not my problem anymore, he finally found someone for him, another one that’s crazy as he is. And from what I hear, they’re gonna tie the knot.
Spiffy eh?
So… Sleeping Beauty’s going to get married, after being in a coma for who knows how long, several years from what I hear, but hey, the calendars in this place SUCK, so what am I supposed to know? But yeah, he’s getting married…. THANK YOU GREAT ST. ELIMINE! I HAD ALMOST LOST FAITH IN YOU!!! Ahem… I mean… Sucks not being his caretaker anymore? But seriously, sixteen years, sixteen years with this horror of a person, sixteen years where I could have been a normal person, for crying out loud! I’m 28 and I still don’t have a girlfriend! What kind of life is this?! Someone stab me now with a spear… or sword… or arrow… or whatever… just do it now. Why me of all people... Why me?!
“I wish to congratulate you on bringing up Mary-sue into such a fine piece of art.” The groom to be said with a smile, snapping me out of my trance of angst.
Dear Latona… please tell me there are two of them in this world and that he’s actually a she…
“Thank you” I reply as politely as possible. “Dear Mary has been in my care since birth, I can’t think of a time when h—she wasn’t a darling.”
Hurrah for Lying, gotta love it.
“I’m Gary-Stu by the way… Hope you enjoy the party.”
“Sure will”
Huzzah for more lying.
While on the topic of weird things, can someone explain to me why I’m getting hit on by men? I know people tell me I’m a pretty boy… but what is this… yaoi that these people speak of? Is it some kind of food? Seriously, I am all male, short hair, flat chest, and obviously manly… well… minus my long lashes and innocent look… could never get rid of them though all these years…
Wait… did one of them just call me Uke? What the hell is an Uke?!
Okay… weirdos… gotta get out of this castle before I go insane… wait, I already am… well get me outta here anyways… now…
Please?
