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 Posted: Thu Feb 08, 2007 9:42 pm
I posted this rant on my forum a while ago and many thought it was good so I thought I would post it here.
*****
I've noticed a few girls questioning if their problems with men is the reason for them being gay. I wanted to post my findings here but did not want to interupt the other topics flow. I'll say this right off. No matter what happened to someone during the past it has little effect on them becoming gay. I know that I've had my own issues with men over the years and used to ask the same questions but then I met alot more girls who also had problems with men at a young age and just kept getting into more trouble over and over again. It has been found that most girls who are raped do not become lesbians, infact they are more likely to end up in other bad relationships with men because the past experance makes them feel weak and vunerable when around men. Some even feel they need a man around to control them or they are lost. Some have tried to turn away from men but loving a women is something that comes from deep within and there is nothing that can change it. No matter how much hatred a woman has for men it isn't really the force that makes one a lesbian. Sure it can be the push that makes it easier to accept, but not really the reason for the interest in women.
And while I'm on my rant. The reason I know I love women goes far deeper then some think. I know alot of people like to question why someone is gay but one thing I've found is that I can not live without beign with a women. Her smell, her touch and I even crave the taste of her c**. I remember when I was young I yearned to be with another girl so badly it hurt. I could not understand why I felt this way but I knew what I wanted. I tried to follow what others said and go out with guys but that really did not do anything for me. I am a lesbian through and through.
The reason I say this now is because all you girl's here who feel that overpowering love for girls should not let anyone tell you that it is a phase or that you are learning it from somewhere or anything like that. They never ask why a straight person likes the opposite sex so none of us should have to explain why we love who we do. So the next time someone questions who you are remember that only you know and be proud of it. Shout it out if you feel safe in doing so or cheer inside. Just know that you can be yourself here.
*steps down from soapbox*
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 2:51 pm
Wow. Thanks... Because I was really wondering about my sexual orientation.
I liked guys until recently... Though I had realized I was bi a few months ago.
My parents told me about something two older boys had done to me when I was 3-4. It really messed me up knowing that. A day or so after I found out, I had my heart shattered into thousands of pieces by a guy. Then... Heterosexual sex completely lost its appeal for me. Eventually, I stopped liking guys altogether, and the pain of that heartbreak vanished. With my friend (who is a girl) I fell in love with, though, it still hurts... And having my heart broken by her was longer ago than the guy breaking my heart.
So, yeah. Thank you for the rant. It makes me feel better about being a lesbian now.
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 4:33 pm
Messenger_Of_The_Moon Wow. Thanks... Because I was really wondering about my sexual orientation.
I liked guys until recently... Though I had realized I was bi a few months ago.
My parents told me about something two older boys had done to me when I was 3-4. It really messed me up knowing that. A day or so after I found out, I had my heart shattered into thousands of pieces by a guy. Then... Heterosexual sex completely lost its appeal for me. Eventually, I stopped liking guys altogether, and the pain of that heartbreak vanished. With my friend (who is a girl) I fell in love with, though, it still hurts... And having my heart broken by her was longer ago than the guy breaking my heart.
So, yeah. Thank you for the rant. It makes me feel better about being a lesbian now. You were one of the reasons for my posting this. I'm glad you read it and it made you feel better. I've been through a number of issues over the years and I know that I've loved girls as long as I can remember. Sure my issues with men cause me problems with going near them but it has nothing to do with my sexual desires to be with women. Actually I've been abused by both men and women so one would think I'd become asexual more then become a lesbian. Anyways, Just beleive in yourself alright? jaa ne Kat
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 6:47 pm
Messenger_Of_The_Moon Wow. Thanks... Because I was really wondering about my sexual orientation.
I liked guys until recently... Though I had realized I was bi a few months ago.
My parents told me about something two older boys had done to me when I was 3-4. It really messed me up knowing that. A day or so after I found out, I had my heart shattered into thousands of pieces by a guy. Then... Heterosexual sex completely lost its appeal for me. Eventually, I stopped liking guys altogether, and the pain of that heartbreak vanished. With my friend (who is a girl) I fell in love with, though, it still hurts... And having my heart broken by her was longer ago than the guy breaking my heart.
So, yeah. Thank you for the rant. It makes me feel better about being a lesbian now. Warning: Excessively Long Post Not Worth Reading You and I are very alike. I thought I was bi from the nineth until 11th grade. Most of my boyfriends during that point had been abusive. One pressured me into sex at the age of fourteen (I ended up with symptoms of a rape victom which I had to fight for 2 years) and the other was manipulative and controlling. A year after the second one I dated my first girlfriend and loved her dearly. I would have stopped the world for her. I started losing interest in guys after my first kiss with her and after awhile I realized that I didn't want to be with guys. I turned down 4 guys last year telling them the honest truth. In the back of my mind though I always wondered if I was just a bisexual who had problems with guys because of her past with them. I don't hate guys, A good amount of my friends are guys. I'm just not attracted to any of them. There's something I didn't say before. About... 3 months before I came out as a lesbian to my closest friends, that first boyfriend had a breakup with his girlfriend. It was part experiment and part getting back the power that I lost to him... I'm sure you guys can guess what happened. That day haunted my mind for the next few monrhs. I can honestly say it does absolutely nothing for me. Let's end that there lol. In my confused time I also looked back. When that boyfriend dumped me I cried for a week. When my first female crush rejected me, I cried for about a year. (She toyed with me a lot.) I realized then that my past with girls were not any better at the end than mine with guys, but I was happier during them. I have to say, when I date guys, my personality conpletely changes. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm not me but a program created in my image. That was long and I apologize. I just really needed to get all that off my chest. Even though I knew all that, I still worried that maybe I was a bi who just gave up on men.
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 8:46 pm
[(~Callista~)] Warning: Excessively Long Post Not Worth Reading You and I are very alike. I thought I was bi from the nineth until 11th grade. Most of my boyfriends during that point had been abusive. One pressured me into sex at the age of fourteen (I ended up with symptoms of a rape victom which I had to fight for 2 years) and the other was manipulative and controlling. A year after the second one I dated my first girlfriend and loved her dearly. I would have stopped the world for her. I started losing interest in guys after my first kiss with her and after awhile I realized that I didn't want to be with guys. I turned down 4 guys last year telling them the honest truth. In the back of my mind though I always wondered if I was just a bisexual who had problems with guys because of her past with them. I don't hate guys, A good amount of my friends are guys. I'm just not attracted to any of them. There's something I didn't say before. About... 3 months before I came out as a lesbian to my closest friends, that first boyfriend had a breakup with his girlfriend. It was part experiment and part getting back the power that I lost to him... I'm sure you guys can guess what happened. That day haunted my mind for the next few monrhs. I can honestly say it does absolutely nothing for me. Let's end that there lol. In my confused time I also looked back. When that boyfriend dumped me I cried for a week. When my first female crush rejected me, I cried for about a year. (She toyed with me a lot.) I realized then that my past with girls were not any better at the end than mine with guys, but I was happier during them. I have to say, when I date guys, my personality conpletely changes. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm not me but a program created in my image. That was long and I apologize. I just really needed to get all that off my chest. Even though I knew all that, I still worried that maybe I was a bi who just gave up on men. No need to appologize. You post was not that long and you should feel free to talk all you need. I'm sorry you have gone through so much pain in the years. I hope you find happiness in the future. Not sure what else to say at the moment other then feel free to rant if you need to. It is better to get things off your chest then to let them simmer inside. jaa ne Kat
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 9:22 pm
Kims_Prince Messenger_Of_The_Moon Wow. Thanks... Because I was really wondering about my sexual orientation.
I liked guys until recently... Though I had realized I was bi a few months ago.
My parents told me about something two older boys had done to me when I was 3-4. It really messed me up knowing that. A day or so after I found out, I had my heart shattered into thousands of pieces by a guy. Then... Heterosexual sex completely lost its appeal for me. Eventually, I stopped liking guys altogether, and the pain of that heartbreak vanished. With my friend (who is a girl) I fell in love with, though, it still hurts... And having my heart broken by her was longer ago than the guy breaking my heart.
So, yeah. Thank you for the rant. It makes me feel better about being a lesbian now. You were one of the reasons for my posting this. I'm glad you read it and it made you feel better. I've been through a number of issues over the years and I know that I've loved girls as long as I can remember. Sure my issues with men cause me problems with going near them but it has nothing to do with my sexual desires to be with women. Actually I've been abused by both men and women so one would think I'd become asexual more then become a lesbian. Anyways, Just beleive in yourself alright? jaa ne Kat My best friend, Sean (who is gay), basically hates guys, even though he is gay. I mean, he thinks almost all guys are assholes (I tend to agree >.>). Basically all of his friends are girls (and all of them are either bi/pan or lesbian!). Lol. But anyway... saying that was pointless. I was just saying that he's basically asexual.
Alright. And thank you again for posting that. <3
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Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2007 9:25 pm
[(~Callista~)] Messenger_Of_The_Moon Wow. Thanks... Because I was really wondering about my sexual orientation.
I liked guys until recently... Though I had realized I was bi a few months ago.
My parents told me about something two older boys had done to me when I was 3-4. It really messed me up knowing that. A day or so after I found out, I had my heart shattered into thousands of pieces by a guy. Then... Heterosexual sex completely lost its appeal for me. Eventually, I stopped liking guys altogether, and the pain of that heartbreak vanished. With my friend (who is a girl) I fell in love with, though, it still hurts... And having my heart broken by her was longer ago than the guy breaking my heart.
So, yeah. Thank you for the rant. It makes me feel better about being a lesbian now. Warning: Excessively Long Post Not Worth Reading You and I are very alike. I thought I was bi from the nineth until 11th grade. Most of my boyfriends during that point had been abusive. One pressured me into sex at the age of fourteen (I ended up with symptoms of a rape victom which I had to fight for 2 years) and the other was manipulative and controlling. A year after the second one I dated my first girlfriend and loved her dearly. I would have stopped the world for her. I started losing interest in guys after my first kiss with her and after awhile I realized that I didn't want to be with guys. I turned down 4 guys last year telling them the honest truth. In the back of my mind though I always wondered if I was just a bisexual who had problems with guys because of her past with them. I don't hate guys, A good amount of my friends are guys. I'm just not attracted to any of them. There's something I didn't say before. About... 3 months before I came out as a lesbian to my closest friends, that first boyfriend had a breakup with his girlfriend. It was part experiment and part getting back the power that I lost to him... I'm sure you guys can guess what happened. That day haunted my mind for the next few monrhs. I can honestly say it does absolutely nothing for me. Let's end that there lol. In my confused time I also looked back. When that boyfriend dumped me I cried for a week. When my first female crush rejected me, I cried for about a year. (She toyed with me a lot.) I realized then that my past with girls were not any better at the end than mine with guys, but I was happier during them. I have to say, when I date guys, my personality conpletely changes. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm not me but a program created in my image. That was long and I apologize. I just really needed to get all that off my chest. Even though I knew all that, I still worried that maybe I was a bi who just gave up on men. Empathy.
I always prefer empathy to sympathy; I really don't like people feeling sorry for me. That's why my best friend is my best friend. He and I have been through a lot of the same stuff, in general, and can understand and feel each other's pain.
Seriously, I don't mind if you have to make long posts to get something off your chest, and I'll read it no matter how long it is. God knows I make long, ranting posts pretty often... not that yours was really a rant at all. Just saying. xP
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Posted: Sat Feb 10, 2007 2:18 pm
Done with it now though. lol. I was actually not even going to check to see if anyone read it. I'm glad I did though.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 10:26 am
[(~Callista~)] Done with it now though. lol. I was actually not even going to check to see if anyone read it. I'm glad I did though. At the very least, I'll always read your posts.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 4:12 pm
Messenger_Of_The_Moon [(~Callista~)] Done with it now though. lol. I was actually not even going to check to see if anyone read it. I'm glad I did though. At the very least, I'll always read your posts. I read everyone's posts no matter the length. Sometimes I even read the pages in a topic before I became active.
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Posted: Sun Feb 11, 2007 11:40 pm
I read every post too and I don't really care if it's long or short.
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 10:31 am
@kims_Prince....hehe you crave it ! xp 4laugh
when evr i seee Warning: Excessively Long Post Not Worth Reading
I SO READ IT !!!!!
do me next do me next!!!!
*stands on tiptoes for rant!*
i dont know about the hating men past thingy....from what i can tell from my past i found reason to hate both sexes....isnt that hard.....though just look hard enough but thats for better much anything rly....i hate men becuase welll i see most of them as horn dogs that just seeem to dicuss about sex i hate that so much! >_< but girls talk about it to so i can say thats the only reason i guess its by the way the men do it more reallly the way they act so prideful so booostful i hate that ! but that never drove me to girls no i like girls before i hated men but its not like i dont have guy friends(to many guy friends if you ask me >_< i just recently got more gal pals) becuase not al guys are the same as well as girls so i think past can only refelected how you view and not how you feel
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 12:44 pm
You know... I really was too caught up in my ranting to realize how much I shared. I feel like my life story is out now lol.
Would anyone care if I edited or deleted it?
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 1:41 pm
[(~Callista~)] Messenger_Of_The_Moon [(~Callista~)] Done with it now though. lol. I was actually not even going to check to see if anyone read it. I'm glad I did though. At the very least, I'll always read your posts. I read everyone's posts no matter the length. Sometimes I even read the pages in a topic before I became active. Yeah, I do that sometimes, too.
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Posted: Mon Feb 12, 2007 3:57 pm
[(~Callista~)] You know... I really was too caught up in my ranting to realize how much I shared. I feel like my life story is out now lol. Would anyone care if I edited or deleted it? Only do that if you really wish to. But don't worry we will not look down upon you or anything for what you have said. You have no idea the depth of darkness and stuff that I've done in my past. Things I barely talk about but when my state of mind get the way it is right now I have to be careful not to ramble to much or I might have yet another breakdown... Anyways, Only edit or delete it if you really feel bothers by us knowing who you are. Sometimes it helps to let others in and know that I will not allow others to tease or torment anyone here for any reason. Kay? jaa ne Kat
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Reply
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