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 Posted: Tue Feb 13, 2007 7:13 pm
Okay so... ah. Just to keep up, I will write in bullet form for now until something makes me crazy >.>;
- Playing principal flute for college orchestra
- Tonight, playing Enesco first movement for recital
- Just had lesson, other flutist in orchestra wants to take my teacher out to dinner O__O (they never get along)
- Piano accompanist confuses me like hell
- I'm not angry in college wind symphony anymore
- Ms. G told me about Introduction and Variations being in her senior recital in college (OMFGGGGGGG I WANT TO PLAY IT! X_X)
- The professor at Chapman of flute is a b***h and a half
- There was a professor at Cal State Fullerton (I think) who has a thing for Asians, he totally pissed my teacher off >.>;
- People are trying to make me sit first seat in college wind symphony D:
- Getting ready for Interlochen
- Playing stupid Flower Duet with oboe player tonight, and Dance of the Reed Flutes with another stupid flute player. GRRRRR -.-
- Can't believe they dragged our good upright piano down to the theatre
- Me and friend was bored as ******** yesterday and sat in the mall parking lot playing along to fricken techno music with our flutes. -.- Random people were like coming up to us wanting pictures and smiling and clapping, and I was like... uhhh... this is starting to scare me >_>;;
- Is a little jumpy for tonight, bf and his family and my teacher will be watching me T_______T gonk And they try their best to stay away from our evil band teacher too. gonk gonk
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 1:00 am
Recital didn't go too bad, although my teacher tore me apart. Bf's daddy, Dr. H kept constantly saying how great it was, he slapped me on the back yesterday about it, today he even had to remind me about it. I'm like, shut UP! IT SUCKED SO BADLY! -_- The piano player was like... dude, you don't even want to know. My sound wasn't projecting in that dead theatre, it was a nightmare (although no one else besides my teacher would know that). Michael told me it was wonderful today lol, he was baffled >< God I love that guy, he's an amazing as hell trumpet player, not to mention freaking sexy! xD Threw a rose at me as I walked on stage lol. Anyways... I had orchestra tonight. We're playing Lieutenant Kij'e and Schumann's Piano Concerto No. 1. I nailed the symphony, but the counting in Schumann is crazy. We have 83 measures of rest, Michael has hundreds of measures of rest. s**t man...
I'm so happy though because my teacher and the other flutist in orchestra (the rich guy) actually get along now. It's so shocking, I was amazed. Rich guy actually wants to take my teacher to dinner tomorrow night O_O And she just dumped her fiance very recently too -dies- I'm like, dude... rich guy is married. Those two are like my flute parents. Before going I stopped by the mall and grabbed two big bags of chocolates and gave them both their little Happy Valentine's Day gifts lol. It was funny because they both grabbed the chocolate with their left hands at the same time XDDDDD Then I ran outside >_>; I'm just... it's just so much better when they get along. It makes me not worry anymore and I perform so much better.
In Lieutenant Kij'e, we had our singer come in today and sing in Russian. Arnold Meister, he's great. He adds such flavor to the scene. Michael and his twin Matthew didn't come today because they were preparing for this professional jazz band concert thing they're in (they're my age, ******** amazing guys). Eeee their next show is this Friday, I can't wait to watch Michael blow me away heart On Saturday we're watching a play that my flute friend Marica composed a few pieces for, she's also acting. I can't wait for that either lol. Ahh... all is so good right now. I love music. I love Ms. Gullotta and Loren getting along together, I love not being angry at Ms. Hironaka in college wind symphony anymore too. I just... am... happy about love? O_o lol >< Well anyways, here's a picture from last night.
I'm the one crossing my arms in the middle ._. Far left is foreign exchange student from Japan - Chisato, girl next to her is Tiare, guy next to her is Nick, guy behind is Kelly, me, Carolyn, Crystal, and Megan.
heart Happy Valentine's Day! heart
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Posted: Thu Feb 15, 2007 4:46 pm
Eeeee today my flute friend Samantha came to visit us from Oregon! She is pretty good, she was only playing Annie's school-borrowed flute - I can imagine how she'd sound on my flute. She's a good sight reader too. Tonight she will be at college band, it'll be a real something. I'm kinda sad right now though... Michael's pissed because I was talking to his twin all day in World History instead of him. I was flirting, the whole shabang, but for a reason - these two other girls in class annoy the s**t out of me and would always talk so damn loud to him about stuff that isn't even important or funny. Eventually I got so irritated with it that I freaking got up and starting talking to him in the "like, omg OMFG" manner, and the annoying ones got intimidated and didn't know what the hell we were talking about, so they finally shut the hell up. Bad thing though, Michael totally glared at me while I was doing it crying I hope he talks to Matthew about it, he knows why I was all up in his face >.>; o.o;;;
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Posted: Sat Feb 17, 2007 11:03 am
Yesterday was crazy. -_- I went to go watch The Starlighters, the professional jazz band that Michael and his brother and his dad are in to return the favor of them coming to my recital. It was quite wonderful heart I got to know one of the Japanese foreign exchange students a little better, a baritone player. It was pretty crazy because I thought she was the best baritone player I have ever heard - ever. She told me she never even took any private lessons in Japan. That gives me an idea of how good they all must be. I got her to meet Michael and Matthew afterwards and they were all flattering me about my fluteness, although the whole reason I was there was to make Michael feel special xD I talked to his mom about band at school and how the students are all ridiculous for saying that I'm not "dedicated" for dropping jazz band. Their mom has the exact same viewpoints as I do x.x; This guy was all, "You got girls hanging all over you! ALL OVER YOU! -shakes head-" XD He is the best ^_^ They're trying to get me to join their band, me on trumpet. I'm like, you're freaking kidding me right... ? If I joined them I wouldn't have the opportunity to admire them from the audience anymore, I'd be playing with them all the time. -sigh-
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 11:59 pm
My teacher is freaking taunting me with the Schubert piece, absolutely TAUNTING me. She won't give me the damn thing until I perfect everything else she assigns me, and she threw it around making me soooo freaking.... UGH! XD I saw it in her folder today in college band, I was like omfg. She later mentioned, "Heh heh I knew you would have seen it xD" GAH. The director pissed me off tonight though - I'm second chair since this ********... forty something year old SHITTY flute player takes too much pride in being section leader of a shitty band (it's not shitty - I only think this way because it's my standard of shitty). I do my own thing, I use vibrato however I want to, and everyone always says how much better it is than that b*****d - but the director was all, "You have to match to the first flute's vibrato" I got irked of course, and then I just didn't play vibrato anymore and let the jackass play her very indistinguishable - emotion-lacking - unprojecting, stuff =) Ms. G told me she could tell I was pissed.
I convinced my friend Annie to take lessons from her too, it's so great. I always knew I could get anyone to want to learn from her. Muahahaha!
Omg - I got so many people to act like the dumbass in the video on my profile, it's so hilarious. All the young people in college band were freaking tweaking out on it, and Loren - business owning rich fluter - looked at me like, "WTF!?" I tried to get him to act that way but he's all, no thanks xDDD. Eventually after practice he was like, "Did I miss something?" I told him about the video and I have to send it to him now. Ohhh boy... I can imagine him at work looking at it, thinking I'm just about the weirdest person in the world LMFAO XDDDDDDDDD
Mr. Mac (director) was like... getting scared of us >.>; His eyes got HUGE when he looked at me and people were singing like... omg xD He never gets that expression. He was laughing at me and I'm thinking, BAH!!!! XDD
<_<; Yesh. You all should check out the s**t in my profile - the video.
It's the reason why people commit suicide.
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 6:53 pm
I dropped my flute yesterday. It rolled off of the table in the living room onto the cold, hard, tiled floor. The noise it made was "CRACK!" and before I looked I started to get teary-eyed. My flute has fallen, and I wanted to die.
Luckily there's only a small dent, I'm REALLY lucky all the keys are working just fine - it fell on the keys. Damn it...
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Posted: Fri Mar 09, 2007 12:27 am
I think my karma is catching up to me. All the hatred I held in towards the other flute teacher and her student now was released in the form of revenge towards them from myself. The only thing different now though, I don't even hate them anymore. I'm fine with them. Today in practice the teacher dropped her flute. She said "Oh my god". Later, her student dropped her flute also and the entire room was super quiet. We just stared at eachother with our hands to our mouths, with the "OMFG" look. s**t man... and it's creepy because there's this one person I have hated for some time now, I still hate them, but I don't care about it anymore. Right now they're missing. Her mom and my friend were calling Kelly over and over asking if we knew where she was. Hah. ******** her. I actually hope she killed herself like she always said she would. -.-
I dunno though. Life seems really good right now. If all of my past hatred is finally going to be released upon those I so greatly once despised now, I can imagine the bad luck I'm going to get soon. Although I don't sense any, life has been so perfect. -sigh- I guess I'll just have to wait and see...
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Posted: Fri Apr 06, 2007 3:46 pm
I haven't posted anything here for awhile. My flute life is going just fine I suppose. I moved my headjoint more towards the center of my embouchure, and I'm more in tune in the low register and my high register projects more easily. I decided I felt pretty greedy in my school's band class so I gave my friend a few piccolo parts as well as a solo. I liked that solo, but I've been given the star role of the concert as it is. I'm like the queen and sometimes the ones with power would look very nice if they shared. I really hate sectionals, they make me want to rip my hair out. My friend Matthew and his dad decided to join college band and so I was talking to Matt outside at 9 PM yesterday. My teacher told me something about how she was applying politics when she was teaching this one piece to us. I totally did not understand what she meant, but alright. I practiced my a** off two weeks ago to make sure there are no flaws or mistunings in the orchestra piece we're performing. It wouldn't be very professional if I ended a movement flat. That would be embarassing. All in all, I've finally achieved matching my teacher's tone exactly. Even if she's on a Muramatsu and I'm on an Armstrong, there is no difference in tone color anymore. That makes me happy, it means I barely have anything to work on now. Just cruising it away and giving pointers here and there (if I feel like it's worth anything). My social life has been pretty crazy lately, but there's only two months left in this school year and I'm looking forward to the end of it. Next year I'm going to be as independent as I possibly can. Yeah..
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2007 9:21 pm
I feel ******** good right now. SIGH! -_- AND NO, I'm not really being sarcastic! HAHA.
So the other day, my wonderful friend and I had a good little therapy session for me... and you know, I'm not a truly happy person. I've been forced to mature between semesters this year in order to make the god damned adults in the music groups happy. And you know what? I've been told that I matured way too ******** fast. HAHAHAHHAA. I know, it's good for my future, but now that I think about it, it's all too freaking true. I did it to make them happy. Now, they're asking me why I have such a blank look on my face. Well jeez... now they want me to smile. With me, smiles lead to laughter. With laughter, that leads to jokes. And that's immature now isn't it? I'm done with blogging every single problem I have in my stupid myspace thing already. So I guess I'll leave that alone.
My teacher was so out of it today. She sat down the entire time making me play. She said I've become so serious with my playing that I'm trying way too hard - that I'm tensing up and is determined to not ******** up all the time. Heh heh. Looks like I need a lesson in relaxation. I never had a problem with this before - never. These days, when I have 6 hour practices at a time - I think too much. Great... haha... <_< My playing is fine. By fine, everyone means fine. I'm experimenting a lot man... a lot... ********. I'm swearing a lot. Jeslyn said my life is slowly driving me crazy, and she's giving me three weeks before I "crack". Hahaha... intervals of three weeks at a time alright... three weeks.
Anyways... heh. Our college music group's benefactor is Loren. The rich guy. The guy who decides to pay for this $7000 camp for me... the guy who randomly is very generous (yet was one of those people who gave me no choice but to let go of my childhood) like hell. If the Schumann piano concerto doesn't go right, Mr. Mac went and said that Loren could play a god damned Mozart flute concerto with our OUR orchestra. Mr. ******** Mac didn't ask my teacher if she wanted to. WTF. OH WOW. We can't make our god damned BENEFACTOR angry now can't we? He's always the star isn't he? And guess what man... he's tired of Mr. Mac picking on him about the piccolo, so now he's going to attempt at playing FIRST SEAT next semester. This is the part where Ms. G isn't taking the bullshit any more and is not returning to the programs next semester. Great. ******** great, I have to do this alone again. And not only will I be alone - as I was in 9th grade - ALL OF THE DAMN KIDS WILL BE GONE. YOU know?? The seniors, all of them. Gone. The only ones in my grade, the only young kids around left, the only "gifted" sons of a guns left will be Donny - who we don't even talk to and the Haacks don't really want to get along with - Matthew Haack, Michael Haack (first semester only), and me. GREAT. Yeah, I'm going to be going crazy next year. I can imagine. And along with the fact that I may be enrolling fulltime in college classes, since I'm SICK of our school - although I'd miss my wonderful friends to death - I guess I'd even have moooooooooore craziness. This year's coming to an end, I've said it before. But man this just bites.
Alright I should stfu - I have a good life, but I'M NOT HAPPY. WHAT IS UP! Alright... I know what is up... man. But what's soothing this... yearn for happiness... seems... kind of immoral honestly. Think whatever "immoral" you may want to.
The look on Ms. G's face today almost made me want to cry. So that's what Loren meant by furthering my maturity and making me play the stupid piccolo in college band - he'll be attacking the other b***h that I hate! WOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Well, I'd rather him be first seat than Ms. Hironaka - but not to the point where it'll scare my god damned teacher away. I have to witness all this stupid bullshit, adults fighting and being catty with eachother. I handle situations pretty ******** well these days, but it builds up - it all definitely builds up. Last semester, I was a weak piece of crap. Now, I don't break. I really don't. But man. I started nagging at my teacher, wailing, "I DON'T WANT TO PLAY PICCOLO!!!!!!! gonk " and she sounded so sad. ******** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm ready for the independence. I'm ready for us almost ruling the school. I'm not ready for more drama, I'm not ready for Matthew bringing me to college band second semester without Michael (******** is going to start hating me.), I just don't know man. How can I be happy? Realism... realism kills...
Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. This is such bullshit. XD HAHAHA. Ya know... I had a friend who actually had to go to the mental hospital last year. Earlier, I was going nuts after band when we were at a resturaunt. She just shrugged, and said "music drives you crazy". Hah hahahahaha.
You know something else?
LET'S GET SOME SHOES!
O_O HAHAHA OMG XHAOTHSTW (IUN(*Tu3wqnyt98uhewoign)*Y&#xGH;SUIJ
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Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 5:30 pm
HAHAH! So I was right! My karma finally did catch up to me... hehehe. But it's not TERRIBLY bad... it's bad enough though.
I've been feeling down lately because I barely get to see Michael since he's so wrapped up in tennis these days, so I'm becoming closer to Matthew. It's a lot of fun, yesterday we even bought eye shadow, lip gloss, bright red nail polish, jewels, a bracelet, foundation, all in a nice little red basket with hearts on it for Dr. Haack. LMFAO XDDDDDDDDDD That was fricken priceless! I wouldn't let Matthew have his stick bag that he left in the car from the other day. >.>; Good times alright. Dr. H yelled "THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!" to us when he found it hanging from his car window. Jeez. The good times are great. Michael... he's been slightly not tolerant of the way I've been acting lately, and hell I'm not taking his attitude lightly either. Today we had a good talk though. It was like them old times. Siiigh... yeah... looks like no matter what, in the end he's always going to be the damn "one".
Alright. So the most band drama EVER happened yesterday in college band. Carolyn broke up with Brewer and cried all night - while Brewer just totally laughed and smiled at me and Matthew. Chadwin told Nick off, and that resulted in both of them crying. Me, I've just always been down because of stupid Michael but that's over with now. Thank goodness... T__T Chisato, I heard her swear for the first time last night when she saw all the drama happening. She was like, "AHHH ******** STUPID BASTARDS!" O.O... >.> I think we swear way too much if she picked all that up on her own. s**t x.x Oh well...
On the subject of band drama, I've made my decision to leave band at our school for the remainder of the year and I'll be joining Michael and Matthew in PE. The teacher doesn't appreciate me at all, and I'll just leave it at that. I work my a** off in this field of my life, and she doesn't respect me enough. She doesn't realize that it hurts for her to just even give the other flutes a chance at the solos I've been playing for the whole quarter now. The other very out of tune, crappy toned flutes. It feels like she was actually comparing me to them, so I put my piccolo and my flute away. She tried to talk to me, but I just turned my head and didn't look till she left. I proceeded on going into a practice room with some friends. Looks like they're going to have to drop Stars and Stripes since no one else can do the piccolo solo. We renamed the song to "That ******** b***h". The chorus part, "Three cheers for the red white and bluuuuuue" was changed to, "THAT b***h, ******** b***h ******** BIIIIIITCH!!!!!" Haha. Afterwards she tried to talk to me and Annie, and I just walked away to the car, and Annie stayed for a minute saying that she'll never talk to her, ever. =) I love my friends man. Michael, Matthew, and I were the most talent in that class, and we're out of it now. Beautiful. Hey, at least I'll be getting rid of blubber in PE instead of feeling like dirt in band. I'm not going to the concert - they can always get those other flutes to do it.
On the bright side, my music professor who taught Kauai High School - our rival school - for 40 years and the college bands for 21 years is actually going to teach our band next year. I hope everything will be happy go-lucky next year then, we'll all be in it and hey - it'll be ******** awesome. Ugh man... xD I can finally establish a good friendship with Mac and he will never piss me off in college band and orchestra again. Yes!
On the other hand, Ms. G was tearing up in practice yesterday. Orchestra was very very tense. Again. Yet again. For a moment, I was telling myself to convince Loren to not pull out that stupid Mozart concerto... but I started to feel bad. It's like... how would you feel if a 15-year-old girl suddenly pulled the principal part in a major symphony in this ADULT music group from you? I felt bad. I tried to be enthusiastic about it with him, and well... it wasn't that bad after convincing myself that it'd be good actually... and in the words of Loren himself, he's going to "beat the crap of out of" Ms. Hironaka next year. I'd like to see that, I'll play piccolo for the chance to see that. And the funny thing is, the piccolo player has to sit second. That means Ms. b***h-a** is going to be bumped to third by us. Hahaha! How funny. But man, if Ms. G felt anything close to what I was feeling today in band, I feel so so so bad.
Ms. G is an amazing woman, I swear. She has taken crap from most of her college professors, she worked so hard to get where she is now - which is back in college studying for a nursing degree and teaching a few students - and now, in what should be her prime of life, these men are completely ruining her. Mac and Loren. Mac noticed the way she was feeling and she talked to him afterwards, which she did not look forward to. Ah yes, more band drama. Which is kind of funny because the same thing happened to me today huh? But instead of talking to the teacher, I bagged. To be perfectly honest though, I probably would have talked to her had she not ******** over everyone else. The way I've seen her scream at Matthew before, the way she chased them out of band... no ******** way. This has actually happened before, when I was feeling the damn burn from too much fricken flute-like activities. I full out cried and told her to go away in the back room. She shouldn't have done that again. She feels the loss, and I hope it burns. =D
We finished HSA testing today and boy does it feel good. I'm okay with Michael again... that feels really REALLY good. My god. For a moment I was trying to lock him out of my life completely and forget about him, and actually give other guys a chance. In this moment in time, I can honestly admit that I do love him. I cannot imagine anyone else. I'm glad we're being very careful to not completely destroy what we had and have. Doing that too early can result in an even more painful downfall later in life.
Oh, and another weird thing - we were sitting in the car before school talking. All of a sudden I see two people in the SUV parked in front of us. Then I'm like, why the hell are they in there? Then I was like "O_O" as I saw the vehicle starting to rock back and forth. >.>;;;;;;;;;;;;; Duuuuude.... my friend who also saw that is going to call the guy in there's older bro in college about it. That is going to be effing HILARIOUS.
But in the end? Life is good. Life is great. Lots of obstacles to go through, but it's just one big long techno trance song. Just keep going. Keep dancing, it gets difficult, but it's just so much fun when you're in the right moods and not screw everything up. Cough.
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Posted: Tue Apr 17, 2007 8:34 pm
Finally. I can say that life is good, and I am happy.
The band teacher was kissing my a** today, desperately trying to make me play all the solos again. I figured, screw switching classes if there's only a month and a half left already. Being a mature flutist means playing the game of kissing a** all the time, before you get screwed. So I'll live through it, and the solos. x)
I'm fixing all my pitch problems, and I'm playing the Japanese bamboo flute for a taiko group. We played two shows last Saturday.
Aaaand... yeah... no more dramas... I love it.
I wrote a long long paper about things that are bugging me, and I'm gonna buy a giant helium balloon tomorrow and tie the paper to it and watch it fly away... yes... biggrin
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Posted: Fri Apr 27, 2007 3:01 am
Did the helium balloon thing, felt a lot better. Orchestra was f**king awesome, I never laughed that hard in a long time. Thank god for Michael. Sigh. =) The concert time is coming up soon, orchestra will consume my entire week. Yesterday we played at the middle school, and today we're playing for two other elementary schools. I was at my friend's house today and I dug up some old s**t, even a video from last semester's college band concert.
]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UCN-Uk_qARE
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Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 1:03 am
Horrible lesson today. I have a thing for not being optimistic. My teacher wanted me to say, "I play this piece well" out loud, and I'm like OMG. I can't. I just can't. I don't make a situation seem better than it really is, and making myself seem like I'm so good doesn't help at all. It adds pressure. But I'm going to start the Poulenc soon haha. I can't wait, the piece is the shitz and a half. Wow. So, tomorrow is orchestra, the next is college band at the performing arts center, Saturday is the college band concert, Michael leaves on Monday, Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday are orchestra practices, that following Saturday is the Orchestra concert, then that following week is our high school concert, as well as the other high school's concert. Busy busy.
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Posted: Fri May 04, 2007 5:31 pm
Last night was a very very moving night for me. We're playing this fricken kick-a** medley of jazz songs, and we have very very skilled soloists in it. During Jon (alto sax)'s solo, I felt like totally crying. That stage is my sanctuary, that stage is where I endured so much. That's where I was confronted by Loren about how my attitude towards Ms. Hironaka needed to change and I nearly cried. That's where I was so pissed off at last semester's concert. That's where Michael and I always screwed around after practice/concerts, that's where I've seen the world's best musicians play, it was so goddamned moving. There on that stage, all of my memories of everything came flooding back. It was like a song for ending credits for this year or something. Everything fell back into place, and I am so ******** greatful now. God... I will always have memories when I'm there. T__T
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