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 Posted: Sun Feb 18, 2007 10:47 pm
Well how can I some up my situation, well I'll do my best, it may get a little long.
I guess it all started when I was questioning my own sexuality, it was very hard, I had trouble being touched. It was a combination of being sexually abused as a child and that I was unsure of myself. My 1st girlfriend, tried to get close but I didn't like being touched, I trusted her, I loved her, but it was myself that was holding me back. The unsure part of me, I was still figuring out who I was.
Now I know who I am. I finally understande and except that I'm a lesbian. I don't find men sexually attractive at all. I just don't get turned on by them, I just like them as friends. I'm 16 years old, I'm a sophmore, I'm no longer depressed(like suicidal), and so on. Well one of my close friends, who I love very greatly, I feel we are connected in a really cool way. I started having a relationship with her. I love every minute of it. I can get close to her, I feel safe, I trust her, and her touching me doesn't bother me one bit. But resently she has been going through gender stuff. She feels like a man, she says. It doesn't really bother me at all, I love her very much and she loves me. But sense she is going through gender confusion, she is really sensitive about being touched. I'm really worried that I can't help her through this crisis.
I know she needs time, like I did, to figure out who she is. I'm not sure if I can help her, besides being supportive, ect. Can I help her feel more comfortable about her body? Or should I leave her alone and let her deal with it? Is it a bad idea that we are in a realationship in the first place? I really just want the best for her, I love her too much to see her in so much pain.
~don't hesitate to ask me questions
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 1:33 pm
Hmmm... that is a difficult one. Do you have sex yet? You can use a strap on and it might make her feel better. There are also strap ons that look like limp penises so that they can feel like the have something between their legs. You can also help with binding her chest. It can be an experiance from what I've heard. More then anything just tell her how much you want to be there for her and how much you love her.
I'm also moving this topic to gender issues for other FtMs might find it useful or be able to help.
jaa ne
Kat
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:01 pm
No we havn't had sex yet. We desided to wait. The closest we got was a week ago, she was touching my breast area, undid bra too. I went to unbotton her shirt and when I got to the breast area she freaked out and stepped back. I didn't want to fondle her if she was having an issue with her body. She seems ok about touching me, she reallt likes it, its just I wish I could touch her but I don't want to hurt her because of her identity crisis.
She has been very self conscience with her body. She has been binding, but when she does it, it hurts her. I told her she needs to get a real binding top. We are currently looking for a shop so we can get one. Oh and the strap on, I've suggested that and she seemed to like the idea. But I believe she feels I hate her because of her whole trans thing, because she feels like a man, crossdresses ect. I don't hate her at all, she seems to feel that if sex ever did happen and she used a strap on, I would feel upset. I was sexually abused by a boy, I don't get turned on by men, I don't like penises basicly. But I'm not afraid of a d***o, I just don't know how I can address her that her trans doesn't bother me. I love her, I trust her.
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:11 pm
X_DARKWOLF_X No we havn't had sex yet. We desided to wait. The closest we got was a week ago, she was touching my breast area, undid bra too. I went to unbotton her shirt and when I got to the breast area she freaked out and stepped back. I didn't want to fondle her if she was having an issue with her body. She seems ok about touching me, she reallt likes it, its just I wish I could touch her but I don't want to hurt her because of her identity crisis.
She has been very self conscience with her body. She has been binding, but when she does it, it hurts her. I told her she needs to get a real binding top. We are currently looking for a shop so we can get one. Oh and the strap on, I've suggested that and she seemed to like the idea. But I believe she feels I hate her because of her whole trans thing, because she feels like a man, crossdresses ect. I don't hate her at all, she seems to feel that if sex ever did happen and she used a strap on, I would feel upset. I was sexually abused by a boy, I don't get turned on by men, I don't like penises basicly. But I'm not afraid of a d***o, I just don't know how I can address her that her trans doesn't bother me. I love her, I trust her. Binding can hurt alot if done wrong and too tight. One thing you can do is to tell her she does not have to take off her shirt. There are things one can do with their clothes on too. As for d***o, try to find one that is not realistic and explain that the shape doesn't bother you if it is her doing it. Yeah, the whole body image thing can really mess with you thou. I'm not a trans, but if you look at the intersex thread you'll understand more of my situation. I've broken a mirror because I hated myself so much. My breast are very small and I get som facial hair, but my wife loves it. She keeps reminding me that I don't look male at all. I have a very feminine body, it is my face that drives me nuts. It is so in the middle that it is insane. So I can understand her self esteem issues. That is going to be the hardest par to deal with. So just keep telling her how you feel and hold her when she cries. The thing that she needs more then anything is your support. Well I wish you all the luck jaa ne Kat
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Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 2:19 pm
I'm going to see her later today/tonight. I will talk to her, I really love her. I want her to be as happy as she can. I'll support her, as I always have been, she came out to her dad last night about the trans and her dad didn't seem to get it. Her dad already knows about her being gay, he understandes that atleast. I talked to her and she cried, I felt so powerless. But I think just being there and supporting her helps. I'm so proud of her, she is very strong.
~thanks so much
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 6:22 pm
all you can do for her sexuality, as her partner, is tell her that you love her and will never leave her because of her sexuality. I know that fear of what my partner might do or say when/if I ever transition often holds me back in a relationshship. Mostly for fear of being crushed from attachment. What she is feeling may be similar. All you can rally do is be encouraging.
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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 9:43 pm
bootsy girl all you can do for her sexuality, as her partner, is tell her that you love her and will never leave her because of her sexuality. I know that fear of what my partner might do or say when/if I ever transition often holds me back in a relationshship. Mostly for fear of being crushed from attachment. What she is feeling may be similar. All you can rally do is be encouraging.
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 2:55 am
lol dont rush her then, as long as you tell her you love he and show her hat its true often I'm sure it will do worlds for her, you really dont need to do anymore than what your doing now but wait.
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Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 5:10 pm
X_DARKWOLF_X bootsy girl all you can do for her sexuality, as her partner, is tell her that you love her and will never leave her because of her sexuality. I know that fear of what my partner might do or say when/if I ever transition often holds me back in a relationshship. Mostly for fear of being crushed from attachment. What she is feeling may be similar. All you can rally do is be encouraging. Ehe. I wish mine biffle was more like you in that.
But as long as you let her(/him?) know that you feel that love is about one's mind, not their body, then I can't predict anything going wrong in your relationship. o3o
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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:28 pm
Luigi Vampa X_DARKWOLF_X bootsy girl all you can do for her sexuality, as her partner, is tell her that you love her and will never leave her because of her sexuality. I know that fear of what my partner might do or say when/if I ever transition often holds me back in a relationshship. Mostly for fear of being crushed from attachment. What she is feeling may be similar. All you can rally do is be encouraging. Ehe. I wish mine biffle was more like you in that.
But as long as you let her(/him?) know that you feel that love is about one's mind, not their body, then I can't predict anything going wrong in your relationship. o3o
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Posted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 8:09 pm
I'm glad to here things are turning out well.
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Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 8:15 am
I agree with what Dorian said. Love is about your mind not your body. If he feels like a man instead of a woman and you are okay with that, then let him know. You are a very supporting girlfriend. Honestly, I think he's really lucky to have you. I've never had anyone who accepted me like that ever. In the future, I hope to meet someone as understanding as you are.
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Posted: Wed May 09, 2007 12:58 am
Well we broke up on 29 of april, I'm really sad. We were together for almost 7 months, well it would have been 7 months on the 7th of May. I'm really depressed but we are still friends and still talking. We havn't seen each other since we broke up on the 29th. The reason we did this is because he needs time to learn to love himself for who he is. Like being trans and not feeling shitty, guilty, etc. He loves me and I love him... but he can't be with me and happy when he can't even love himself. So we desided to just be friends for now... I've desided though, that I'm not waiting for him and I'm not looking to replace him. I'm just out there and I'm going to let things go the way they go. And I don't think I can deal with another breakup at this moment... I miss him so much.
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Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 8:49 pm
I'm sorry to hear that you broke-up. crying But maybe you two just need a break, you know? It sounds like there's still some connection there if you guys are still friends (which is always the best way to break up anyway).
Also, it's good to be open to new experiences. I hope that it turns out well for you, my friend.
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Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2007 11:18 pm
I think our relationship as friends is over. I think he found a new girlfriend. He is afraid of me and I don't know why. I try to talk to him and he pushes me away. I feel so horrible. I never open myself up like I did with him, I trusted him when I don't trust anyone else. I don't even trust my mother anymore. I feel so betrayed and so petty. Just garbage that was tossed aside. I feel like I was lead on, used as a tissue, and thrown away. Its been almost two months sense the breakup yet I'm not over him. I'm so pethetic. I feel like my mental state is really shaken. I don't know if I should continue to give him space or I'm over reacting or I should move on or what! I feel numb and at the sametime full of uncontrolable emotion. I think I'm loosing it...
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