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 Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 11:19 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 2:33 pm
Awesome! You have some solid description in your prose and it is very provoking to the reader in the way that it is vivid in imagery and detail. It's doesn't need to be any longer, which I believe could be its strong point. Although no names are alluded too or detail of person, it still manages to caught the readers attention.
Good job!
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 2:51 pm
Really good! Like Queeny said, really vivid imagery. The description is wonderful. <3
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Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 3:41 pm
only some of the best writers can get such a strong piont across in such a short story. good job
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 4:02 pm
That is very good. Without giving any names, and without being very long at all, it describes something that I'm sure has taken many pages to describe for others. I like the way it leaves a lot of things for the reader to figure out and think about.
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:51 pm
I'm not able to find how this references to Christ. eek I'm a Christian, but I can't see it. If you can understand it, that's great, but if you want the majority of people to feel the point, try to make it more clear. Keep it vague though. It needs to be more clear, but if it is kept a slight vague, it's more interesting then laying down blank facts.
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:28 am
I'm not really that much of a religeiouse person, but this is pretty good. I got the referenses easily, but I could see how some people might not get it. Maybe wyou could make it a tiny bit more clear as to who you're tlaking about, but at the same time, keep it vauge. I like the vaugeness about this. Good job. I like. ^_^
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:34 am
It's been a very long time since I was a practicing Christian, and even longer since I spent any time studying the faith, but going back through the story I can see the references. The minute you mentioned Christianity, I knew. Until I saw that, however, the piece struck me as demonic. sweatdrop
I think prose is a more appropriate name for this, rather than a short story. As prose, it's beautiful. As a story, it seems only partly done, a very dramatic segment taken from something longer. Regardless, it's elegantly written.
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The Bookwyrm Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:40 am
Merenwen99 I'm not able to find how this references to Christ. eek I'm a Christian, but I can't see it. If you can understand it, that's great, but if you want the majority of people to feel the point, try to make it more clear. Keep it vague though. It needs to be more clear, but if it is kept a slight vague, it's more interesting then laying down blank facts. The blood is a reference, but other than that it's not too clear.
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 12:09 pm
Jehosaphat Merenwen99 I'm not able to find how this references to Christ. eek I'm a Christian, but I can't see it. If you can understand it, that's great, but if you want the majority of people to feel the point, try to make it more clear. Keep it vague though. It needs to be more clear, but if it is kept a slight vague, it's more interesting then laying down blank facts. The blood is a reference, but other than that it's not too clear. The blood, I understood. It's the rest of it that seems a bit confusing. . .
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 11:14 am
I really liked it, the words flowed nicely and the imagery was fantastic. Great job! -thumbs up!-
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Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 1:31 pm
I don't really understand. But it intrigued me. Can anyone point me in the right direction? I can understand that it's Christ now you've all mentioned it, but I'm still not sure on all the references. I wouldn't have thought it was Christ if I hadn't read the discussion. sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Nov 18, 2005 8:09 pm
It was really interesting, but for some reason I found the intro sentence really confusing... maybe it's just my cold messing with my head sweatdrop
Anyway, I thought this piece was really interesting. Now I see where the Biblical references are, but at first glance I thought he was just some mythical being. Is there anyway to make it a bit more clear? Other than that, it was really good. Keep up the good work!
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