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 Posted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 5:18 pm
My friends have finally convinced me there's something wrong with the way I view myself... but all of them keep telling me that they're in no position to help me.
I have VERY low self confidence, and basically I'm a human screw up... I'm not pretty, I'm DEFINATLY not smart, I have nothing special that sets me appart, and I'm a pretty horrible friend if you look over my record.
My friends... to prove a point they made me weigh myself along with them, I always see room for improvment in this catagory. The 2 friends that where with me are roughly the same hight as me, we're 5 foot 8, one of my friends was 130 pounds, the other was 124... I'm 103.
I had never weighed myself before that, I always judge by the mirror... anyways, now both are telling me it's my problem to work out. I know in a whole sence they're right but I don't think I can... I hate myself, I remember in grade 8 (in grade 11 now) I actually wanted to be sick really baddly... guess I got my wish in a way. The other day I even had the thought "maybe this'll kill me" but it was a happy thought.
I'm NOT suicidal, I'd never have the guts to do that... there are definatly people in this guild who need more help then I do and I feel a little guilty for posting this but if anyone has something to say please do. <3
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Posted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 12:12 pm
Don't be afraid to talk to a counselor at school or to ask your parents to take you to see someone.
It sounds like they are probably right. You sound like you might be very underweight, and if you lose more it could be very dangerous. Eating disorders take different forms. Some people assume that they don't have one just because they do eat sometimes or because they don't throw up, but that doesn't rule out an eating disorder. Some people can be your height and weight and still be healthy, but not most.
You mention not being pretty. So what? I am not pretty either. I consider myself average. The way I see it, it doesn't matter. In fact, how could it matter? If you can't really control how you look, then how can people really judge you on it? I know that some people do judge by looks, but so what. Let them be shallow over there if that's what they want. If you can feel comfortable with the way that you look, then you can take pride in that. My teeth aren't straight. I had the option to get braces. I grew up with money. But I said "no." I take pride in that. I take pride in the fact that I am all natural because I feel like I know something that a lot of other people don't get yet. I know that it doesn't matter.
As far not being smart goes, well I would say that's far more important than how you look. The great thing about being smart is that pretty much anyone can do it if they try. Very few people are really knowledgeable about everything. Even the kids who get straight As don't necessarily know a lot about every single subject. Often times they are just good at taking tests, writing, and following directions. I can speak from experience there. So study something. Learn something. I am teaching myself sign language at the moment. No particular reason.
If you can't think of anything that you want to learn, you could look into volunteer work. Often times you don't have to know anything, but it can make you feel great when you do it.
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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 3:45 pm
First of all, don't feel guilty. <3 We're here to help. :3 Even if you just got a paper cut and needed comforting because it stung, we'd be here for chu'. heart
But really, you shouldn't worry about the way you look so much! Those people were/are your friends for a reason; they like you for who you are. And also, who cares if you don't get the best of grades? You only use 8% of what you learn in school after you graduate.
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Posted: Thu Mar 08, 2007 5:02 pm
Trust me, it's something everyone goes through eventually.
Try not to worry so much of imagery.
I mean, is it better to be loved for someone you're not or hated for who you really are?
<3;
We will all always be here for you no matter the problem.
Sometimes it's hard to give up what you used to be for who you are now. But changed happen all the time. :3
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Posted: Mon Apr 02, 2007 7:49 pm
Thank you for replying...
But as of last Monday I've officially given up... I had a full check up thing and they checked for all sorts of things... of all the things I could have... I tested HIV positive, my mom cried when she heard but I havn't yet.
Oddly, I've yet to go down in shock.
I figured out who I got it from as well, but I'm not angry with him.
Whatever... I'll just keep on keeping on.
Thank you again... but apparently I have more pressing issues I should be concerned with... I regret complaining before...
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