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 Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 7:44 am
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 10:06 am
I like the way you said things without really saying them. You presented the fight within a mind, making your poem quite interesting. There were some things that made the poem a little awkward to read. Your stanza's had different rthyms, for example. But, your poem did not ryhme. Quite often, I like ryhming poems better than non-ryhming poems. However, your poem flowed very well and presented itself as being very poetic. It would have not made as much of an impact if it had ryhmed. Good job.
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 12:16 pm
good poem, nice word choice throughout.
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2005 1:26 pm
It has good emotions, but as mentioned before it could use a bit more work on the rhythm to help unify the poem. I also found that some of the punctuation marks weren't necessary, like in the first stanza, the ',' at the end of the second line I didn't find necessary. But as I usually say, you might have a reason for it I don't understand. Overall, it's a good piece biggrin
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:58 am
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 6:21 pm
No problem, I hope to see more of your work around.
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