NRA Ft. System of a Down. | Page 1 | FanFictions/FanArt | Guild Forums

J.J. Starscream

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Posted: Wed Mar 07, 2007 7:06 pm

Minor cuss words here and there, but not enough to explode someone's head.

NRA=National Random Day. HAH! I fooled you.

It was a bright and sunny morning in the oh-so-convenient-for-the-author SOAD house. Better yet, maybe it wasn’t, Daron could’ve just put on that window shade that made it look like 5 year old had reanimated the world, again.

Regardless of the weather, it was morning. Serj knew that because as he walked away from his room, he spotted Shavo sleeping on the couch, cuddling a fluffy, faded blue teddy bear. Serj also knew that Shavo’s internal clock woke him up at 2 PM every day. It would be hours before that couch was once again accessible.

He continued his daily morning check up on everything until something caught his eye.
“Oh, God no.” he half-whispered when he looked at the calendar, “It can’t be!”

But it was. It was the twelfth day of the month, and it just so happened to fall on a Saturday. Everyone knew that Daron had designated every Saturday that just so happened to be the twelfth as ‘National Random Day’.

Now, a calm and composed person could only take so much before he lost it. Which was why Serj hated ‘National Random Day’ with a passion. Daron would go out of his way making the most confusing, absurd and, oft times, annoying random comments and actions, all in the name of attention. These comments and actions would further confuse and frustrate Serj as he attempted to find any logic in them.

Serj needed to come up with a plan, and fast. He heard Daron’s daily fall out of his bed, he would be heading this way any sec-
“What up S-Dawg?” he heard Daron mumble groggily. Serj almost screamed with fright.

He quickly tore the offending page out of the calendar and stuffed it in his mouth.
“Huuuu mmmu.” He said. Daron’s eyes shot open and a look of worry crept across his face.
“Why… did you eat… the calendar?” he asked.
“It… looked tasty.” Serj lied quickly. Daron nodded his head slowly and began walking away.

Serj wiped his forehead, and began silently congratulating himself for almost single-handedly putting an end to ‘National Random Day’, when Daron suddenly screamed, “I AM A BANANA!”

He ran out into the living room and saw Daron jumping on the couch, with a very distressed Shavo sitting on the floor attempting to hide the teddy bear in his pants.
“You saw nothing, Curly.” He sneered at Serj, hinting at the bear. Shavo quickly stood up and walked away.

Serj heard a loud crunch as Daron, miraculously, jumped high enough to smack his head on the ceiling.
“Goddamnit! Mah medulla oblongata! What was that for Chocolandra?!” He pointed accusingly at Serj. Serj became confused and frustrated, so he did what any confused and frustrated singer would do. Serj pulled out a book, sat down on the ground and began to read.

Daron bounced about on the couch for a few more minutes, all whilst uttering random obscenities. He found this no use as Serj had fully immersed himself in his book and was thus not paying any attention to the obscene-ness.

Daron noticed that John was staggering to the bathroom. He found this an absolutely fitting time to take a shower, so he jumped off the couch and bounded towards the bathroom, slamming the door in John’s face.

“Goddamnit.” John murmured. He grumbled about the fact that this house had not been built correctly, as 4 men could not live in a house, in peace, whilst sharing one bathroom. But the grumbling was just that, so he decided to sit and wait.

While he waited, John sat listening to Daron’s rendition of ‘I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts (in the form of Juggernauts)’ when he slowly came to the realization that it was the twelfth of the month. What that meant he wasn’t sure, but whatever it was it was more than likely something important.

“Oh well.” He said to himself as Daron began singing some nonsense about animal crackers eating people’s brains.

Two and a half hours later, Daron emerged from the bathroom, completely dry. John had fallen asleep next to the door and was snoring loudly. Daron leaned over and made a rather loud Wookiee noise in John’s ear.

“HOLY s**t CHEWWY, WE’RE GOING DOWN!” John yelled. His eyes were wide and his heart was pounding. As he came to the realization that he was, in fact, not on the Millennium Falcon, and Chewbacca was nowhere to be found, he remembered what the twelfth meant.

“Oh, hell no! Not National Random Day!!” He screamed, taking this opportunity to barricade himself in the bathroom. Daron giggled and walked back to the living room, to find Serj still sitting on the floor, reading his book. He completely ignored him and walked to the room that Shavo and John shared.

Why two grown men would willingly sleep in a bunk bed, confused Daron on so many levels. He had recently come up with the theory that he was sleeping in a bunk bed just in case of monster attack. At which point, John would be offered as a sacrificial… sacrifice, so that the monsters wouldn’t eat Mr. Fluffle-Wumples, or god forbid, Shavo himself.

But that was just a theory. A theory that has absolutely nothing to do with this story, Daron was just wasting time so that the reader of this story would be more suspense-filled by the time he got around to accomplishing the diabolical deed, he had set forth to accomplish.

Shavo was asleep in the top bunk Daron could tell that by the fact that half his body was hanging out of the bunk Shavo made an odd grunting noise and scratched at his stomach.
“HOLY a**l SEEPAGE BATMAN!” Daron yelled at the top of his lungs. Shavo jumped and hit his head on the ceiling.

Daron then began making random birdcalls, knowing that Shavo was terrified of birds. Shavo, sure enough, jumped out of the bunk with his eyes closed, screeching and swatting at the non-existent birds.
“Geddem off meee!!!” He was out of the room quicker than you could name all the residents of New Mexico.

John walked into the hall just in time for Shavo to run into him. Shavo rubbed his head and opened his eye cautiously.
“Hey… where’d the birds go?” he asked.
“Birds?”
“Yeah, they were just atta-“ Shavo paused mid-sentence. His eyes became wider than ones eyes should be. He murmured something that John could not hear. John stared at him as he stood up and began to slowly walk away. Daron followed suit, becoming increasingly frightened by the bassist’s lack of movement.

Serj had just gotten to the most exciting part of his book, something about some guy doing some kind of exciting guy thing, when he began to worry. It was National Random Day, and Daron had not said something for a long (albeit blissful) 3 minutes.

He put the book away and had just begun investigating the quiet-ness, when he heard an earsplitting scream from the other room.

“NOT NATIONAL RANDOM DAY!!” shrieked Shavo in about the girly scream he had heard in all his years. Taking to heart that Shavo had just entered mental breakdown mode, Serj picked up his book again, and read.

Enough was enough. John was absolutely sick of ‘National Random Day. He needed to put an end to it. Even if it meant he would have to, dare he think it?

Out random Daron was the name of the game. John thought up a game plan, whilst he hid behind the fake ficus (coincidentally name Fredericka the Ficus). That damn plant had finally come in handy.

Daron had crept up behind Serj. He grabbed random hairs, pulled on them and then let go. As they bounced back to their original state, Daron would say ‘Spoing’. Serj tried to ignore him, but Daron kept uttering spoing, and spoing was Serj’s least favorite word. It drove him crazy. And not a good crazy either, every time he heard it, he would turn Hulk-Serj.

And Hulk-Serj was enough to spoil anyone’s day.

Serj closed the book, and turned around slowly. Daron had been stopped mid-pull. He let go of the curl.
“Say ‘spoing’ one more time, Daron, and I’m going to give you something to ‘spoing’ about.” He hissed.

Daron’s eyes went wide, as if he were considering the consequences of another ‘spoing’. He had begun to make the lip movements necessary for a ‘spoing’ when John jumped out from behind Fredericka the Ficus.

“Eat some shrimp n**, Capitan Crunchier!!” John pointed at Daron menacingly.
“Fart-muncher!!” Daron looked taken-aback. He b***h-slapped John.
“Your mother drinks like a soda!” John screamed.
“YOUR MOM IS A…” Daron paused.
“YES! I have out-randomed Daron!” John began a victory dance of victoriousness.

Now, what John didn’t know, was that Daron had not been out-randomed, but was, in fact, devising another diabolical scheme. He remembered something that Serj had said earlier. Daron grinned an evil grin; a grin so evil, that it stopped John’s victory dance. Daron jumped in behind John.
“Spoing.” He said.
“Wha-“ John was cut off by Serj jump tackling him.
“WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE ‘SPOING’?!?” Serj shouted angrily.

Daron giggled at the scene of mayhem unraveling in front of him.

Until, of course, he felt the grip of an angry drummer, and the equally, if not more so, angry vocalist, Hulk-Serj, on his ankles.
“AHH!! NOOO!! I DIDN’T MEAN IT!!” He shrieked as they pulled him into the middle of the conveniently placed dust cloud that had magically poofed into existence.

Shavo wandered into the room and fell into the dust cloud… just because.

Lo and behold, the band fought in the middle of their living room. This particular battle was so vicious however, that the FCC threatened to sue my a** if I repeated any of the viciousness. (Man, are you missing out on a great battle or what!?)

So we will cut ahead to about an hour later, when everyone was all fought out. The band sat on the couch, watching the Home Shopping Network, for reasons unbeknownst to leading Systemofadownologists.

Serj was the best off with only a black eye, because nobody wanted to hit him and be cast into a volcano, or the open mouth of a giant rabid deer. Shavo had a fractured skull and countless nameless wounds. John had splinters on every part of his body and was missing approximately 4.66912 teeth. Daron was wrapped in a duct tape/bubble wrap monstrosity to prevent any movement and/or speaking.

“Muuuuu!!” protested Daron. The other band members shot nasty glances at him and he immediately stopped protesting.

An antique grandfather clock appeared out of nowhere and began to chime the time. It began to chime the theme song from ‘Beverly Hills Cop’, when John began to smash it with a bat. John hated that song with a passion, and it always threw him into a violent fit of rage.

As soon as the smashing of the clock was finished, Serj looked at Daron.
“Well, Daron. It’s officially the thirteenth. We will now commence the unwrapage if you make a promise.” Daron nodded quickly. Shavo ripped the tape off Daron’s mouth.
“No more National Random Day, ever!” Daron squeaked.
“Actually, I was going to make you run out and get some more shampoo” Serj said under his breath.

“Zoe mah God!” Shavo suddenly shrieked, reaching for the phone, and ordering the ‘Brand Spanking New Michael Frummel One-of-a-Kind Double Headed Apple Smasher’, because no house was complete without one.

So System of a Down lived happily ever after, without fear of National Random Day, whilst enjoying the pleasure of double headed apple smashing action.

FIN, SON.