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 Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 8:29 am
"Stab my Heart"
Burning the pillars that are standing alone
Bury the feelings that will never be shown
The darkness that seeped through was just a desire
Now the love has burned out like water on fire.
Anyone like? I have posted all my poetry in several guilds.
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 9:48 am
Okay, I've unlocked this, so reviews can begin. 4laugh
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 5:10 pm
Cereah Okay, I've unlocked this, so reviews can begin. 4laugh much appreciated! wink
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 5:12 pm
I like it alot- it reads well and even though it's short, it gets its point across. One thing I would like to see in it is punctuation (yeah, I know I seem to be a fan of that sweatdrop ). It adds a bit more emphasis on each line. However, since it's so short, I think it can get away without it. Overall, it's really good!
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 7:53 pm
It's pretty good. I usually prefer to read poems that are a bit longer, but that's just me.
I really like the last line. And I also agree with Cereah about the punctuation. Depending on the way it's read, it could add a tiny bit more emotion into it, though I can tell that there already is a lot.
All in all, I like it. smile Good job.
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 8:56 am
Thanks guys, the only reason I only have a period in there is that I wanted that to symbolize the immediate end. Peace
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 4:12 pm
This is a very nice piece. I like the length. It's short, sweet, and to the point, but it is also impactful. The shortness of it can make it be good even without punctuation, so whether you add in any punctuation is really up to you. In the last line, you may want to take out "water on" and just say "fire" at the end. Somehow it sounds better to me. That is also up to you, it could just be a preference of my ear.
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 3:02 pm
Wow. I really like it. biggrin Very short, very to the point, and that makes it very effective. I love how the lines flow smoothly and nearly seamlessly into one another. Congrats.
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 10:10 am
I like it. biggrin It's short and meaningful, a good contrast from most poems, which seem to be long and not meaning to much at all. I liked the powerful words and the expressive images.
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Reply
