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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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 Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:13 pm
I wrote this for a piece of work in History. It's about a man writing an uncensored letter home to his wife. Please read, re read and tell me what you think of my piece of crap.
Much appreciated! Merci heart
17th July 1917
Mrs E. L. Thompson
4 Baker Street
London
Dear Ellie,
I wanted to write to you for some time now, but ever since I came to the front line, time, and paper, has been scarce. It?s really hard to concentrate with all the noise, and even though I fear this letter may never reach you, I feel I must try to explain my emotions, tell you what I?ve seen, what I?ve learnt and I must let you know just how much I love you. In this letter I shall tell you the truth. I will tell you all that I know, and I ask you to tell Michael. I know he wanted to come here, but you must tell him the truth- Maybe not all of it, but you have to get him to believe you. War is no honorary thing.
Yesterday, Jim and Danny were sent over the top. All I could hear were the great metallic booms of the shells and grenades as they flew to and from enemy territory. I stood waiting in the support trench; we had fear in our eyes and in our hearts. The men all around me were in a mild state of paranoia, none of us knowing if we would be next to go ?over the top?.
When the whistle went there was a loud strike of a flying shell, everybody ducked into the funk holes, then when it was safe, the trench erupted in a mass of clambering men; all of which were trying to stay together and get out into the terrible place that we call ?No-man?s land?. No-man?s land is a horrific nightmare of a place; the once green fields are filled with shell holes which our men use for cover. The floor is a wreaked mess of scared land and burnt human remains. All men that have been before us, left to the rats, their bodies are not much more than the fleshy sinew under the skin and bones; all the rest having been ripped from them by the rabbit sized rodents. Every time I think of that place between us and them, I shudder; the bare though of all the death there brings haunted images to my mind. It?s no wonder that Tommy never had the courage to go. Just as the whistle went his whole body froze, he just stood staring over the top, through the defence of the barbed wire and deep into No-man?s land, and muttering to himself like a madman. Jim and Danny both tried to make him move, anything must be better than to be taken out by your own side? I know for sure I wouldn?t want that?
In the end I guess the boys stopped trying and went over the top with him. I heard a gruff shout as the rest of the men went over the top and that was the last I heard from them. After that all I could make out were the immense explosions rocking the earth. They came from the ?creeping barrage?. Even though the creeping barrage is supposed to make it safer for the attacking soldiers, it doesn?t actually seem to be; it?s just lots of shells being tossed right in front of the outgoing troupes, they detonate and as they go off they leave the area around them covered by dust and flying shards. It does make it harder for the Jerrys to make out where we are, but it sure is dangerous. I was dreadfully afraid for John, he runs much quicker than the others, and with all those shells flying in front of them I began to think that he might get hit.
As the battle on the field went on I kept mostly to myself- well, as far away from the other soldiers I could get; which wasn?t far considering the size of the trench. I stood quietly with David until we went to get ready; just in case, we didn?t know if or when it would be our turn, we still don?t know. The only thing I know for sure right now is that the only one that came back to our side of the trenches was Jim. As he ran all I could see was the unadulterated terror in his eyes. I don?t think he was supposed to come back here. They were the first wave of soldiers, they didn?t say if any of us would be needed, I know that I for sure don?t want to go over- I?m not a coward but I don?t care if we don?t go. Even here- Hell on earth- has to be better than over there?
The trenches here are starting to get water logged. After the rain of last week all the mud and water is rising. The duck boards that have been put down to spare our legs have begun to sink into the toxic waste, and the sand bags that are placed on the rims of this prison; they do nothing more than obstruct our view from the fire step where we must stand to aim. Those great big bulky things are pretty useless if you ask me.
It is a sick thing to know that after a long day of standing guard maybe when you remove your boots you will be left with no toes. The ghastly mixture seeps into your boots while you stand, sinking and allowing more in. The soldiers call it trench foot. It can leave a man with nothing but a stump for toes. And the stench! That vile horrible stink of human waste mingled with the sickly-sweet tang of unwashed souls. It makes me feel so ill; my hands shake with the effort of trying to control my small lunch.
Oh my! Gas!
18th July
We had news of gas over in the first trench. Damn Jerrys! Mustard Gas no less! When will this horrible waste of men end? Oh Ellie? How I miss you, I miss all of you; please protect them, protect the children. Tell Lizzie, Eve and Michael that Daddy misses them so much!
At night, when we?re supposed to sleep I can?t. I just sit cramped in my funk hole listening to the deafening rumbles that come from the constant onslaught of shells and grenades. I think about you. And sometimes I get no sleep at all, it?s impossible to shut off; not with all this noise. I can feel my tiredness growing with each day. I know that I won?t last long, not like this. The lice crawl everywhere; on my skin, in my food, the damn things have even infested my underwear and are buried inside the deepest folds in my clothing. They itch and no matter how much I scratch, they just won?t go away! I guess they do give us a little entertainment. When we?re not up at the front, we pick them from our clothing and burn them until they pop!
They say men have been sent mad by the lack of sleep and the steady bombardment between us, by this stalemate of a battle. I know that this cannot go on foe much longer. Surely Haig will realise it soon too. He cannot keep sending us men up there, just to go to our deaths!
Bobby was truly quiet for a day or two before he did it. I don?t know whether it was the shellshock that sent him up there, or maybe he just wanted to end it himself. No whistle went but he wandered aimlessly away from us, dragging his weary body up and over the top. I clapped my hands to my ears in the hope of shielding my already weakened ears from what was about to happen, but even my closely pressed hands could not drown out the sound that terrifies me most.
CRASH! And he was gone. Jo was sent over to find him but when he came back he carried only a riffle. That was all that was left of him. All that hadn?t been entirely destroyed. It was useless, but a token of our love for him. I can feel my own mind closing in. I know it won?t be long now, I hope to outlast this dreadful thing that sweeps through us men like a plague, a plague of empty minds and blank eyes. The paranoia among us is building, they?re becoming convinced that even we are against each other; they raid guns on their fellow men, strike their officers get themselves killed. Why this waste? Why not just end it now? Why not just leave us be? We were happy before, before this. We had a family, every man did, and we had lives of our own. Not one giant collective life that was worth less than a death amid us, no, now we are just dispensable equipment, things that break after a while and are thrown on the trash. The insanity is spreading like wildfire. I don?t know what to do. Die for my country and my people? Or return home safe for my wife and children? Oh Ellie? Listen to me, rambling on like a medical patient. Please ignore it- or better, understand it. You are the only one I can trust with my heart. Please take it and keep it safe until I return.
Sweet, sweet Ellie, please don?t let me go. I?ll be back before you know it- at least, I hope so. Kiss the children for me. Let them know how much Daddy loves them, make sure Eve looks after Michael and Lizzie for me, and just remind Michael how important he is to me.
With all the love that I can give to you honey, all my love, Tom.
Sweet dreams my darling.
Sweet love, don?t cry, and maybe he?ll strike from heaven and save us all.
_____________________________________________________________________
It was written to represent the emotional and physical stress of someone, plus it had to have technical terms...
Edit: now with new paragraphing action!! xD
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:18 pm
uhhhh... it was loooooooooooooooong alright. gonk xp neutral
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:25 pm
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:38 pm
Anyone at all? I'm going to try and break up the paragraphs that gaia got rid of...
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:48 pm
I already read it, and commented. But it's still awesome! <3 Very nice.
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:50 pm
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 12:57 pm
[ Toxic ] I already read it, and commented. But it's still awesome! <3 Very nice.
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Posted: Wed Jul 06, 2005 1:20 pm
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 11:45 am
Awwww. *sniffle* That's really good. The only thing, for me, is that when I was reading it there were questionmarks where quotation marks and such should be. I know that's not your fault, that it's put there automatically cuz these posts things are dumb. XD It's happened to me before, as well. They can be fixed, but they're really not a big deal.
Great job! ^_^
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Posted: Fri Jul 08, 2005 1:28 pm
Gee thankies!! Yeah, but I didn't really want to go through the whoel thing and change the question marks... I guess I'm just lazy xD
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 8:32 am
I liked it. I like the way it kind of explains what's happening in the letter, without just going out and explaining it, if you know what I mean, because his wife would already know the main idea of what was going on, so through only explaining what seems like good things for him to explain to his wife, you also let the readers know what's going on. I also liked the references to his children in the letter. Very good. biggrin
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Posted: Thu Jul 14, 2005 5:15 pm
Very good. Albeit a bit long. But I've written letters to loved ones after not having seen them for a long period of time, and I know how long they can get. Its good how you described the living conditions they have.
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Sat Jul 16, 2005 10:02 am
Thanks for the crit guys. Very much appreciated ^^
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 8:02 am
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity
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Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2005 8:37 am
Very good. I like the way it really seems like I'm reading someone's letter to their wife. It's very realistic and . . . I can't think of anything else but "wonderful!". Hehe. I know someone already pointed this out but, there were a lot of question marks that belong where they were. I don't mean to offend you. I know it's tiring to go through the whole thing, find areas where need to insert [i][/i] or . It gets really tiring all right.
Over all, very good.
-Chi (yes, you can call me Chi)
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