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Here's the first one. I wrote it at the bigging of the last school year....


Moonlight Eyes

I will never forget her company, loyalty and friendship. She was an angel from heaven that god sent to me, answering my desired prayer. I wish she never went away, because now I am alone in the big, scary world. I remember the day she first looked upon me, with her big, brown eyes that glimmered in the moonlight.

It was at 1:00am on a Saturday when my dad came running into my room yelling, "Get up, get up! Its time". I knew what this meant. My favorite horse, Angelfire, was giving birth to her 1st foal! But we all new that they might not make it, seeing as Angelfire has lockjaw disease, it is a very deadly disease, deadly because it made it impossible for the animal to move their jaw and therefore to eat, and not many animals are strong enough to pull out of it. When I got to the stables I was sent back to the house for towels.

When I finally got back the new foal was nearly out. And before I new it, a new pair of strong brown eyes were gleaming in the moonlight, staring directly at me. The foal was a beautiful black horse that had a diamond shaped star on her face. Her beauty stunned me and I was suddenly overwhelmed with a joy that filled my heart to overflowing, but then my father announced in a solemn voice that Angelfire was not as strong as we had hoped, she had not made it through the birth. That overwhelming warmth and joy seemed to fade into a dull numbness, I lost one of my life's best friends that night, but I also gained a new one, and I hoped it would be for life.

My father made me name the new foal straight away, she was a girl of course, and I named her Moonlight. I named her for her eyes and that God had seen fit for her to come into the world under a bright midnight moon, full and beautiful.

After Moonlight was taken care of I went to bed and dreamt of Angelfire, although she was no longer alive, I knew that she was still living in the spirit of her daughter, the spirit of Moonlight. The first thoughts I had that morning where of Moonlight and I was hardly dressed before I was out the door and headed to check on her. I was so focused in my thoughts of her that I didn't even mind skipping my mum's delicious, hot breakfast, even on a cold morning like this was. I was overjoyed and excited about the new foal. When I reached her stall my dad was already there standing by her with a blanket, "what's wrong?" I asked anxiously. My father looked at me and said, "I don't think she's going to make it, dear, she looks as weak as her mother did and I don’t know if she’ll make it without her.” I knew that she didn't have much chance of surviving but I never gave up hope. I stayed out in her stall all weekend. I would stay up all night watching, praying and trying to feed her. On the second night after an hour or so of this I fell asleep without realizing and when I woke up she was sucking at one of the bottles of milk that my father had taken from Angelfire's sister Angelstar, I knew this meant she was going to be ok.

I looked at my watch to see the time, it was 4:30 in the morning and I knew that my mum would be up getting breakfast ready, I hadn't hardly eaten over the past two days and what I did eat was forced on me. After reallizing that Moonlight was going get better I was sudenly, ravenous. As I walked to the house I saw my dad getting ready for another day of work on the farm through his bedroom window. I ran the rest of the way to the kitchen table and ate my mum's delicious food with haste. I wanted to get in as much time with Moonlight as possible before I had to go to school and I still had to do my morning chores. On the way to class I still had the warm sensation of my mum's cooking in my stomach and it's rich taste rolling in my mouth.

That morning before class started I told all my friends about what happened the past two nights. They all wanted to come over straight away to see my new foal. After a torturous six-hour day at school, I ran back home to check on Moonlight. She wasn't there, I felt concern and worry creep into the pit of my soul. Without hesitation, I ran to the house and asked my parents if they had seen her. I dreaded the reply and it came just the way I expected and feared. They had not seen her all day.

I went out searching for her and started near the lake. It sparkled and flickered under the sunlight and all was quiet. I was getting ready to leave and look elsewhere when suddenly I heard a knicker. I followed in the direction that the sound had come from. It was coming from some trees, and when I finally reached them I saw Moonlight, 5 Grey hounds surrounded her, and each of them were snapping at her heals. With their fierce looks and the stench of evilness that came from then I could tell that these were the dogs of the horse hunters. My entire family and I, along with half the town hated these men and would love to see them and their dogs shot and killed.

I looked around franticly for a weapon and found one in the form of a large oak branch that had fallen after a heavy snowstorm last winter. I rushed out in front of Moonlight, and one of the dogs bit me, but I was trying to protect Moonlight, and I felt no pain, my only thought was to protect her. Soon the hunters came with their guns all pointing at her, my Moonlight. "No!!! Don't shoot," I yelled, but I was too late, Moonlight was shot down before the words even left my lips. I ran to her fallen body and wept with her head in my lap. The bullet had just barely missed her heart and she was still alive… or at least she would be for a few more moments. She looked up at me with her large innocent brown eyes. "What did she ever do? What made her deserve this?" I yelled it out at the top of my lungs, I was talking to the hunters but there was no one to hear my words.

All throughout that night I was telling myself that it was all a mishap. I kept pinching myself trying to wake up, when my father finally found me I was laying next to the dead body of Moonlight, crying and covered in bruises. “It shouldn't have happened dad, not now, not to her.”

The one thing that was left to reminded me of Angelfire was now gone… I vowed to myself that night that I would seek justice and find out which ruthless people killed "MY" Moonlight. She didn't deserve to die, not in this way. Every night after that I would pray to God "was this supposed to happen?" I would ask it over and over again, but I have not received my answer. I will never forgive those who killed her, my one and only true friend. I miss her knickers, her whinny's, her cries, and her neighs. What was it all for? Her friendship lasted for 3 nights, and then she died. What is the meaning of this? It seems that all of my friends here are destined to die. I will not let it happen again…

"I will never forget her company, loyalty and friendship. She was an angel from heaven that god sent to me, answering my desired prayer. I wish she never went away, because now I am alone in the big, scary world. I remember the day you first looked upon me, with your big, brown eyes that glimmer in the moonlight."


In this part i think it would be....



"I will never forget your company, loyalty and friendship. You were an angel from heaven that god sent to me, answering my desired prayer. I wish you never went away, because now I am alone in the big, scary world. I remember the day you first looked upon me, with your big, brown eyes that glimmer in the moonlight. "


Because you used her, was, she.
Then all of a sudden you changed to talking about her to her so wouldnt the first of it be with you your were....?
Thats what i think
But other than that i love it

Oh well i was just saying
And no problem

I've been writing and entering Young Authors since I was in kindergarden. I won an award in 4th (best in county) 5th, (best in school) and one of the best in 6th-8th grade. Sorry. I just like to toot my own horn.

I thought it was good, just parts of it lacked maturity. You said you wrote it a few years ago, so that's understandible.
Also, I noticed how you said that on the first day he went out to the stables. He didn't even want to eat breakfast.

Suddenly, it switched to night. "I stayed up all night with her." I would add "I stayed all through the day with her." or something, so as not to confuse the audience.

C0okie!

Don't worry about it, sometimes there's no other way to say what's got to be said, it really helped my get the view of the person reading, I sometimes fill those gaps in my head without transfering it onto the page.

no, Waffle...