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 Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 4:03 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Sat Jul 09, 2005 8:32 pm
Crimson_Nightmares Just to grow wings
And fly far away
Into a sky of deep blue
I?d capture the dream
Of reaching my freedom
And capture what I can hold true
But I?ve spent all my life
Stuck in this place
Trapped to the ground
In an endless cycle
Of repeating torment
Everything going ?round
The visions of you
I see in the sky
Keep me going my way
If only to find
You by my side
I press through each grueling day Awww. I love it. It's so sweet. The only thing, before you do the copy paste thing, check it over. fix commas and all that, cuz when it's read, they come up as question marks. Other than that, it's great and I love it.
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 12:54 am
It is a deeply emotional poem but I can see the edits that are needed. I hate when I have to deal with my own typoes as it means that I haven't been concentrating. Meh! Oh, well... Like I said earlier, good poem, CN. blaugh
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:10 am
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 10:14 am
MalineMoonFeather Crimson_Nightmares Just to grow wings
And fly far away
Into a sky of deep blue
I?d capture the dream
Of reaching my freedom
And capture what I can hold true
But I?ve spent all my life
Stuck in this place
Trapped to the ground
In an endless cycle
Of repeating torment
Everything going ?round
The visions of you
I see in the sky
Keep me going my way
If only to find
You by my side
I press through each grueling day Awww. I love it. It's so sweet. The only thing, before you do the copy paste thing, check it over. fix commas and all that, cuz when it's read, they come up as question marks. Other than that, it's great and I love it. Heheh.....sorry about that.... sweatdrop . Thank you for the comment though, and I'll make sure I do that. 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 10:16 am
Keiko_Mushi It is a deeply emotional poem but I can see the edits that are needed. I hate when I have to deal with my own typoes as it means that I haven't been concentrating. Meh! Oh, well... Like I said earlier, good poem, CN. blaugh Thank you and I'll check it from now on 3nodding
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Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 10:17 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 11, 2005 2:01 pm
Great poem. It had emotion and sweetness like everyone else said. 3nodding
Another true artist. smile
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Posted: Wed Jul 13, 2005 9:15 pm
I like your ryhme. It was so subtle that I hardly noticed it but at the end I realized, wow, it ryhmed. I liked it. It has nice imagery.
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Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2005 6:24 pm
It was a great piece- you did an excellent job of capturing how we all wish for freedom from this world at some point in our lives... but how we can never have it. It had an slmost bittersweet ring to it... I like the way you rhymed it, as well. Unique.
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Posted: Thu Jul 21, 2005 11:33 pm
The emotion is very tangible in your poetry, beautiful. There is definite longing here. I really like your rhythm and your rhyme, you did excellent on both in this poem. biggrin
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 1:22 pm
nice job, though i think it would have been better in six-lined stanzas rather then three. Quote: Just to grow wings And fly far away Into a sky of deep blue I'd capture the dream Of reaching my freedom And capture what I can hold true But I've spent all my life Stuck in this place Trapped to the ground In an endless cycle Of repeating torment Everything going 'round The visions of you I see in the sky Keep me going my way If only to find You by my side I press through each grueling day anyways, i like how you ended it, overall nice job.
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Posted: Tue Jul 26, 2005 4:28 pm
Yeah that was great poem it was short but had a very nice feeling to it.
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Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 10:00 pm
It was a very good poem, but I think punctuation could help the flow of the poem. Very nice with the rhyme scheme, and good job with the imagery! It was a very good poem- keep up the good work!
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Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 4:26 am
ahh, wasn' that nice. I liked the ideas and the feelings behind it but I felt it could have been a little less abstract if you had maybe used place names where the person is held down.
Nice.
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