Welcome to Gaia! ::

Reply Critique My Writing?
Malarna

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

fencerboy

PostPosted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 2:27 pm


This is a little something that a Friend of mine and I created one weekend, It's built off a D&D style world, so it's filled with magic. Nay questions about races, weapons, etc... can be directed to me.

Characters:

Kifarna
race-Solar
sex-Male
class-Dragon Rider
age-745, 336
appearance-
languages-Celestial, Basic, Sylvan, Infernal

A’besh
race-High Elf
sex-Male
class-Dragon Rider
age-507
appearance-
languages-Elven, Basic, Aquan, Sylvan


Eos
race-Aasimar
sex-Female
class-Mediator
age-28
appearance-
languages-Celestial, Basic, Elven, Sylvan


Sakura
race-Elemental
sex-Female
class-Water Elemental
age-176
appearance-
languages- Immortal, Elven, Basic, Sylvan


Desh
race-Drow
sex-Male
class-Assassin
age-145
appearance-
languages-Elven, Sylvan, Basic

Eladrin
race-Centaur
sex-Male
class-Scout
age-450
appearance-
languages- Centaur, Basic, Elven, Dwarvish, Infernal

Feralin
Race-Human
Sex-Female
Class-Assassin
Age-26
Appearance-
Languages-Basic



Prologue

“Pull back Pull Back ” A’besh, hearing his commander’s orders, turned and ran. He was only wearing light armor, so he could only take so much. He looked up and saw dragons, mostly red, blue, and green. He finally spotted the one he was looking for.
“Kifarna ” The man on the largest, golden dragon swooped down and A’besh climbed on, “We have to get out of here. The Gate of Fire is lost ”
Suddenly, Debris from the volcano blasted in their direction, “INCOMING ”


Chapter I


It was twelve years later, Kifarna walked the streets of Euphoria quickly, moving towards the high council chambers. A’besh was close behind him, holding a sword in his hands, only just keeping up.
There was a meeting today, it was about to start, the Celestial Army was on the move. They were coming to Malarna. Kifarna was one if the Generals of this army, and was head of the
Dragon Riders in this area. An elite group of Celestials, Elves, and Planettouched that was the tip of the spear when war was upon them.
Kifarna walked into the beautiful halls that were the Council chambers. The council was made up of mostly Elementals, Masters of their Element. Kifarna stood in the center of the Octagonal room and saluted one of the other Generals. A’besh did the same. Kifarna spoke in his loud, booming voice, “What rwason have you called me here for?”
One master, a Planetar, Stood and bowed. She then spoke, “General, There have been reports of attacks on the floating city, we have lost contact with it. You must find it.”
Kifarna nodded. He had been to the golden city before. It was the most wonderful place anyone would ever get to be, on this plane. “Yes Masters, Was there anything else?”
A Fire-Elemental stood up, “we would like you to take Sakura, she needs training that we cannot give her. She will report to you after this meeting.”
Kifarna saluted, “Yes sir.” he nodded to A’besh and walked out.

* * * * *



Something was bothering him, A’besh knew that much as he walked away from the council chambers, towards the Water Elemental Training grounds, near the river, that they were told was where they would meet Sakura. “Something is wrong, sir, don’t deny it.”
Kifarna half turned, “I don’t like working with too many people at the same time” he said slowly, “and I’d rather not talk about it.”
“Yes sir.” A’besh said out of instinct.
They came up on the Training grounds, Water Elementals left and right were practicing manipulating water.
A female Elemental walked towards them, she was wearing the uniform all-blue, but it was different than that of most Elementals. She was obviously rebellious. “You must be the General that I’ll be traveling with. I do believe you ride dragons.” Kifarna nodded, “And I hope that your dragons don’t mind the Giant Owl I ride.”

* * * * *


Sakura looked at Kifarna, “When are we leavin’?”
Kifarna looked back at her, “Twenty minutes.” He then turned and walked away with A’besh to get their dragons ready.
Sakura rushed to the stable to get her mount ready, “Jerrime We’re gonna be flying today ” she said to the Owl as she put on the Exotic saddle that was made specially for the Owl. She hopped on and Jerrime shot out of the stable, up into the clouds.
What was that? She thought she saw something gold, then it came fully into view. A colossal Gold Dragon, with a Silver Dragon close behind it. At least they’re Metallic. Everyone knew that Metallic dragons were good, and the others were evil. She came up behind the dragons and Jerrime let out a loud screech. It got their attention. Kifarna motioned with his hand and A’besh pulled up into the clouds, then came down beside her. A’besh motioned towards Kifarna, then pulled back up. Follow the gold one. Got it. She kept on the Colossal dragons tail.

* * * * *


A’besh flew towards Malarna City, towards the center that was the Imperial Palace. He landed and walked towards the Throne room and was admitted. He walked to the center and saluted, “I am Captain Darasuum of the Celestial Army. I have a warning from the High Council of Elementals that there is evil at work. It will likely be found even in this room.” A’besh noted that there was a suspicious man moving towards the door.

“And what evil is this, that can defeat an entire empire?” The Emperor shouted to him, annoyed that he was getting pointless warnings from High Elves.
“Sir, we also wish that you know that we have lost contact with The Golden City, you know of which I speak.” A’besh turned on his heel and walked out towards his dragon. He mounted and flew off for Turtle Rock, where there was to be a meeting.


there is more of the story, but I still need to re-do a small bit of chapter two, then I will continue posting...I also can't indent and that hurts...
PostPosted: Wed Apr 11, 2007 8:12 pm


Chapter II



Eladrin stood before the council in the Dark Forest, “My crimes are not so wrong as to be exiled I did what I was told to do What you told me to do ” He shouted angrily.

“No, we told you to save the few that were left, you saved them and killed the Twelve Kuo-Toa that were still there.” The Elder spoke as if he had been there and witnessed it First Hand.

“When I arrived, the Kuo-Toa attacked me I had no choice ”

The Kuo-Toan Ambassador from the Pale Sea walked out from the shadows and spoke to his Translator. “The Ambassador says that the one survivor arrived at the scenes, and attacked them, not as the accused has said it to be.”

The Elders looked towards Eladrin, who took half a step back, “No...no...”

“You are hereby exiled from the Centaur Clans of the North, South, East, and West.” one Elder said calmly, “and any Centaur you meet has the right to kill you.”

Eladrin drew his bow and galloped from the glade, three guards in hot pursuit, “I was the fastest, strongest scout that there was in the clan, and they throw me away like a rusty sword.” he muttered to himself as he neared the edge of the forest.

There was a large group ahead, twelve. Eladrin couldn’t take them all. He drew his sword and charged the group, taking a hit to his face. He continued running, and diverted towards Turtle Rock.


* * * * *


Eos stood before the assembled group of military leaders, “We must make a stand We cannot allow the Fiends to-“

She was cut off by one of the archers, “Ma’am, there is a Centaur coming ”

Eos turned to Kifarna, who was standing at attention a few feet away, “Go find out what it is he wants.”

Kifarna mounted and flew down to Eladrin, “Halt We will not hesitate to attack ” he shouted deeply as he dismounted. Kifarna noted that he was injured.

Eladrin blinked several times, “Exiled...attack...run...” Kifarna looked him curiously as an Avoral rushed down to him.

“He’s hurt Get a Healer ” she shouted as she turned away and flew back up to the top.


* * * * *


It had been several hours since Eladrin’s arrival, and all they had gotten out of him was that he was exiled for attacking several Kuo-Toans and was attacked by his own kind while
trying to escape the forest. They then had to take him down for healing, and the meeting was delayed.

“I hope they hurry.” sighed Sakura impatiently, she had, at first, been in awe of the many Celestials, but quickly got over it.

“Patience.” Said Kifarna, “You must remember to be patient.”

Sakura nodded, “I suppose so.”

Eos marched up to the two, “I never got a chance to properly welcome you before Ma’am, We rarely have Elementals here, since they find it unsettling.”

“I do find it unsettling, but My masters instructed me to come with him,” She nodded towards Kifarna, “and I’ll do just that.”

A’besh walked in from The Room of Healing. “The Centaur is recovering, he is expected to be conscious in about an hour. In the meantime, we need to be briefed on where the Golden City was last seen.”

Eos turned, “The Catalli Sea.” she noticed a small sigh from behind. The girl had obviously heard of the place, and knew of it’s danger, “It landed last just before changing route to go through the Lake of Fears, but never landed there. We expect that it was Fiends, as they have been seen in greater numbers lately. Something evil is at work.”

“My thoughts exactly.” a voice came from behind A’besh, who turned, sword raised and almost swung at Eladrin, “I was exiled because of what I was ordered to do, they haven’t exiled anyone in over a thousand years. Magic is being used for evil purposes.”

fencerboy

Reply
Critique My Writing?

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum