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 Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 7:51 am
On the upside before the downside, I got my laptop and internet access so I'm no longer restricted on internet usage, except when I'm at work.
Now time for me to b***h about my problems and ask for help. >.<
Firstly, I have to ride a bike to and from since I don't have a car. I travel about about 10-15 miles an day. Because of that, my legs are getting muscular. Not good for trying to get a more feminine shape before I start taking hormones. My calf muscles look so... so... masculine.
I want to come out at work. I think my bosses and coworkers wouldn't have a problem against me for it. I mean, when I first started working with them, they though I was gay (as a male). Every one thinks I'm gay until they find out I date women. I tried talking about transgenderness and transsexuals people with the people I work with everyday and they weren't fond of the topic, but overall had an I don't care attitude and just as long as one doesn't try to make a pass at them. I haven't even bothered to see a therapist (yet. I'm going to see one next week once I get my next paycheck.) I want to tell them that I want to be a woman and I want to believe they will accept me before I go through the motions to change or am I just naive to believe that they will?
My major issue is that I don't know if I love my girlfriend and want to stay with her. I wanted to end the relationship months ago but she's the only close person who knows of my transgenderness and what I want. She accepts me but it asks a lot of me. She wants me to be a parent with her and her child. Another thing is that I'm not attracted to her anymore, in fact, I never dated her because I was attracted to her but because she accepted me for me. And shallow as it may sound, she's not exactly a model, has a few pounds on her, even before she was pregnant. A perfect visual example would be that she like Anna Nicole Smith before losing all her weight.(sorry to bring her name up but it's the only example I have.) Not to mention I am attracted to other women... at work no less. I can't bring myself to cheat on my girlfriend so I never act on my feelings. Besides, I already told her I'd break up with her if I wanted to date some one else instead of cheating.
I'm starting to fall apart again and I don't really know what to do.
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Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:48 pm
Well, it actually sounds like your coworkers are a little transphobic. . .Personally, I think you should see a therapist before coming out publicly like that. -shrug- But that's just me.
If you're not attracted to your girlfriend anymore in a romantic way - physically or emotionally - I think you should break up with her. It sounds to me like she's more of a close friend to you than a girlfriend, and she should understand if you've already told her you would rather break up with her than cheat.
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