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Jason has been running for hours and he couldnt find a thing! Then Jason ran up to a gate. Panting he begins to speak to the guard.
"Why hello, do you have an appointment with the king?" asked the curiously dressed guard.
"Nay," replys Jason. "I have come to find my way out."
"Hmm...I know the king might be willing to help but his castle is off limits to civillians."
"Holy Coocoo! Then how am I supposed to get out of here?"
"Leaveth Civillian!"
And so Jason leaves to find another way to get out of the town. as he turnes at the bend he sees a tangle of strong vines. I should be able to climb this if my blades don't get in the way. thought Jason as he begins to accend the cliff. When Jason made it to the top he saw the strange time tellng device. I best ignore it. thought jason as he climbes down the ladder and opens the door. It was a beutifull day in the castlelawn and Jason ruches down the road a small bit and takes a left then he runs across the field to a pile of rocks which he climbes. He was now at the moat. these guys security sistem suckes. thought Jason as he quietly lowers himself into the mat and swims to a nearby water fall. he climbs back to the brick pave ment and jumps across to reach the hole. Crud I don't fit! SO he stabs his blades intothe wall and uses them to climb up the walls. he got to te top of a tower and peered into the room. The king was reading a book on rupee origins. And with that Jason does a flip into the room and shouts.
"My lord I am lost, scared, and Ineed to get back home!"
"Well, well , well. My Astrologer was right a Zora will come to ask me for help. Okay. I'll send you with my guard to the Zora Territories."
"Thank you m'lord," says jason as he bows. The next they the set out to the Zora territories.

EDITED by meadow.LARK, Nov 26 2007.
Hello there. I've been chosen (er, Max told me to and I have to listen cause he's my boss) to tell you exactly WHAT is wrong with your writing. I have convinced him not to ban you for the time being. Be thankful I'm patient. (Well...relatively patient.)

One: Go find your shift key, because you've OBVIOUSLY misplaced it. The hell? Sentences start with capital letters, dear. See? This is all written out properly. <3 With CAPITAL LETTERS where they should be.

Two: ...The security system is NOT THAT BAD. You are not Link. You cannot just climb your way into the Castle. It just doesn't happen. No godmoding, plzkthx. Basic rules of literate roleplay right there.

Three: Speaking of security... [ quote ] these guys security sistem suckes. [ /unquote ] We have already covered the capitalization (see Point One) but, seriously. Go find a dictionary, or if all else fails, use Google. It'll correct spellings for you if you punch in a word.

Four: Ending punctuation. And just punctuation in general, actually. After a thought, you put a comma, mused Lark. At least if you've got something after it that isn't an action, like the whole 'thought Jason' thing you've got going. You should have a comma at the end of those thoughts.

Five: While it's not a rule anymore, it would be great if you could post in a smaller font. It doesn't even require much thought- when you're finished writing, press Ctrl+A to highlight your whole post. Go to the Size dropdown. Select 'Small'. Boom, your post is now the same size as everyone else's!

And that's the end of my rant and subsequent crushing of your soul review. Hope you enjoyed. <3