First, let me say your poem gets so much better as it goes along. Keeping that in mind...
Quote:
After such long times
in the light which basks
The first two lines are choppy and don't really flow with the rest of the piece, and I'm asking the question, "What is basking?" You still seem to need the action in the first three lines (time in the sunlight, leaving the sunlight), but I think you could portray that better.
Quote:
like the peace of light it
forgives
So, light is forgiving and peaceful, yet the narrator is fleeing it?
But,
Quote:
go back to the pleasant
shade
blissful shade
forgiving shade who holds no
grudge
I really enjoy reading this part. You nailed the beat of the words.
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