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In a kingdom a galaxy or two over, a warriors heart was stolen. well...

Actually more like torn from his chest and left to die a bloody painful

death, or something like that. This world was very much like the eternal

middle earth imagined by thousands of authors and video games. With one

catch, technology enhanced all the medieval weapons... A youth, who left

the settlement of his birth to adventure with the love of his life. And after a

short while, slowly but surely they grew apart.

"Meyri, what are you doing? We're heading for the castle right?" He

asked

" I'm sorry but these past few months, we've grown apart haven't

we?" She asked absenmindedly.

"I suppose we have, but nothing that can't be remedied right?" He

ventured forth turning his horse towards her.

"No, it cannot be remedied. We, our paths must part here." He said

turning her horse away "It's been fun though, thanks for the company,

your assistance is no longer needed"

The now solemn warrior stopped his horse, and watched his love

depart. His heart heavy, his soul torn, feeling rent in so many places, it

was as if he were at the tail of a battle he'd not prepared for. A mist of

thought ghosted through his mind, before being swallowed by emptiness.

After darkness had fallen he still stood where she left him, and he said to

himself "So that's how it is eh?"

He turned in, tethering his frisky mount to a nearby tree and camped

there over night so close to the trail. The rain patted down his tent that

night, as if in sympathy the sky cried with him as his solitary tears fell on

the dry ground of the small tent. He burned his precious candles reading,

trying to find solace in the few tomes he carried with him, but alas, no

amount of study could lift his spirits. He slept a fitful sleep that night,

unseen horrors crowded him in his sleep. And phantoms enemies, each

more terrible than the last.

When he woke it was to the crowing and chirping of the birds.

"so in the night you didn't leave too? Bandit?" He asked his horse

while untying it's bridle from the stout pine branch where the horse had

been left. It merely gave a appreciative whinny to his brushing and the

candied oats he fed him.

Camp was not as long in the fixing as it would have been... he

thought to himself. as he buckled the last item to the saddle, his notched

steel blade. He rode casually to the nearest settlement, to his knowledge.

On the way he met highwaymen, robbers, thieves and brigands. All fell to

the cold touch of steel and magic. His eyes no longer glimmered with life of

their own. They were more akin to those of one who walked, but truely

died long ago. Mercy was behind him, Justice in it's base form before him.

He walked his horse into the town. the name of such a town has long since

been lost to the knowledge of the ages.

"This place is quiet, like that of a grave." He muttered to himself, and

to the watchman he said, "Good 'morrow to ye sir, which way be's decent

accomodations for a humble one such as myself?"

"Thar' be's a fine ole inn down yonder street..." The old gate keeper

croaked " By the name of the Crescent Discus... They can put you up

thar." The gate keep said before turning back to the gate.

"Thanx, I'll shack up there..." He said quietly before moving on

And he proceded to lead the horse to the inn, where he proceded to

get very drunk. Before morning there was much violence, and nobody left

without some form of wound. The one who started the brawl, was no

where to be found, but his horse was left in the stable. From then on, a

path of destruction was obvious, and broad. After two months of a similar

pattern, villages began to take warning at the approach of the lone

stranger.

For years death and destruction followed his path. Some philosophers

who interviewed survivors of the strangers emergence, noted that almost

immeadiately before hand he had lost his love. what seemed to follow was

a loss of humanity. Also the meandering path seemed to have some

direction, the male inadvertantly seemed to be tracking his lover, who'd

parted from him.

10 years after that horrible beginning, He finally caught up, and

spoke with her. These were his words.

"Ever since that day, that day that you killed part of me, I've wanted

to know why?" He asked in his cold heartless voice.

"Because I didn't want you anymore! Your usefulness was through!"

She shouted at him.

At this he stood just as he had all of those years ago. And that's

when she sprung the trap on him, betrayed a second time, he fell silently

wordlessly, his silent accusation till he fell to the ground, under the weight

of so many blades. And she turned from him.

Things you need to improve on:
arrow From a technical standpoint, the paragraphs are aligned odd and the spacing makes it difficult to tell when a paragraph begins and another ends.

arrow The dialouge and interactions with Meyri seemed clunky, and Meyri as a charecter seemed flat. For example: instead of having Meyri shout "I was done!", you could write her as manipulative, with a man on her shoulder, smiling a casual smile, "Oh, I had no need of you."

arrow I noticed a few misspelled words. It amuses me to no end that actually exists. :hint, hint:

Things you did well:
idea The story is narrated with a cold emotion that is entirely believable, and each paragraph is written with the same style.

idea I really like the introducting lines- they are a great attention grabber.