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 Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:28 pm
Voltaire and I dine out regularly, I would say around two times a week. This particular instance was at an Olive Garden Restaurant.
For those of you not living in the U.S., or under a rock, Olive Garden is a part of the largest Casual Family Dining chain in the world. Being an Italian restaurant, they serve soup, salad, and breadsticks...unlimited.
Voltaire decides he wants to "mess" with the server. Now, keep in mind, I am a server and even I can't help but let the funny man go to work.
We sauntered over to a booth behind our balding host, sit down on the comfy benches to wait for our server to arrive.
The entire meal goes as planned, we are being super nice and everything-- Until Voltaire executed his plot.
He starts : " Miss, could you do me a favor?" She replied, "Absolutely sir, what can I do for you?" He put on his most serious face and said rather bluntly, " I am fat, and if I ask for any more breadsticks, please...don't bring a single one."
She cordially agreed. It seemed easy enough.
We continued our meal. By this time I figured I knew exactly what he was going to do...and I was correct to the T.
"Could I get you fellas anything else?" Our server asked us, "Naw..." I replied, but Voltaire butt in saying "Yeah, could I get a few more breadsticks?"
I was not completely sure that he was going to go through with it, but he did.
"Uh...." She didn't know quite what to say to him. "I thought you said you didn't want anymore sir, because you were watching your figure"
She really fed the fire with that one...
"MY figure?" He donned the most incredulous face possible. I was nearing tears from the laughter that I was holding in.
"Well...uh...I didn't mean that I thought you needed to watch your figure...I just..." He cut her off mid-sentence, "Miss? Do you know what epidemic is sweeping America right now?"
"No..." She replied, finally erring on the side of caution.
"Obesity" He said this as solemnly as if he were delivering a eulogy.
"Oh..." She replied in the same seriousness, "So you don't want anymore breadsticks?"
"WHAT!?" Voltaire yelled, his face was steaming with an induced, and rather phony rage, "What does obesity have to do with me? I am not overweight miss, I am simply BIG-boned."
Should stood in a shocked horror.
"I cannot believe this...the audacity..." he mumbled under his breath...(he is a heavy breather, so it was quite audible by all around us.) "I would like to speak to your manager."
The woman, struck with a strange kind of fear, called for her manager. The plump man (much more plump than Voltaire, I may add...) hoved to our table. "Is there a problem here, sir?" "Oh, you didn't know? With servers of this calibre, I would imagine yu have to be monitoring them at all times. Your "server", if you could even give her such a title, for whatever reason called me fat, and refused to bring me more breaksticks, exclaiming that it was because I needed to watch my figure. She went even further to explain to me that obesity is an epidemic and needs to be stopped."
The manager gave a stern, deadly look at the server. "Sir, I do not wish to get anyone in trouble, I would simply like to be able to dine out and not be crucified for my weight, which I may add, is not that much."
"Your issue will be attended to," spewed the portly manager.
At this point I was choking on my Bellini Iced tea. We certainly needed to leave.
I quickly dropped down enough cash to pay the bill twice over, effectively compensating our server for the trauma caused by Voltaire. I then scrawled out a note to the manager that went as follows:
"To whom it may concern,
Oh ye of little faith. Perhaps you should reconsider your role as a manager and stand by your employees. You have an excellent service staff that deserves recognition. Oh, and she really would't bring us more bread sticks.
Enjoy."
And that was our mini adventure into the life of a paranoid and "please" happy service staff member.
Now that, folks, is Comic Audacity.
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 8:37 pm
That b***h was the grass.
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Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 10:44 pm
rofl
Nicely done, I laughed basicly through the whole thing.
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 1:45 am
That is so evil... (now I'm jealous), but no seriously wow thats mean but I still can't help but laugh. Sounds like eating out is a lot more fun that way.
That reminds me of how my mom was telling me of a wheelchair bound coworker of hers he is paralized from the waist down (sorry if I can't remember the word). So sure enough this guy makes fun of himself all the time. A girl one day was randomly going on about how it sucked that she had to walk all the way across the room to get the tools. So he says jokingly "Sure rub it in I can't even walk!." Sure enough he had the poor girl crying, and he had to then take an hour to convince her that he was only joking and she had said nothing wrong.
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 6:06 am
Xeroth That is so evil... (now I'm jealous), but no seriously wow thats mean but I still can't help but laugh. Sounds like eating out is a lot more fun that way. That reminds me of how my mom was telling me of a wheelchair bound coworker of hers he is paralized from the waist down (sorry if I can't remember the word). So sure enough this guy makes fun of himself all the time. A girl one day was randomly going on about how it sucked that she had to walk all the way across the room to get the tools. So he says jokingly "Sure rub it in I can't even walk!." Sure enough he had the poor girl crying, and he had to then take an hour to convince her that he was only joking and she had said nothing wrong. haha, thats fantastic.
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 5:38 pm
omg that made me laugh, gj guys. Don't caregoinf around too many reataraunts usually, olive garden has some good stuff though. mmmm.
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Posted: Fri Apr 20, 2007 9:00 pm
I hope she didn't get fired.
But that's also an amazing idea and I wish I could think of something that amusing to do....
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 9:55 pm
lol, that is hilarious.
I've got my on story to share.
Me and my buddy Shawn were at school on Friday and one of or friends , that we call Cally.
Well that day she was wearing a shirt that said pure energy, mind you this is a heavy set girl, and Shawn said that must be ALOT of energy. Comically, I said " Yeah haven't you heard of E=mc2?" Then I added "Haven't you heard of Hiroshima, that entire explosion started with one atom."
Shawn replied,"Dude, we should split an atom."
I said, "Are you kidding? We'ld blow up the entire city, if not half of Cally!"
Needless to say we both laughed histerically, and let a few others in on the joke.
And if you haven't figured it out yet I live in California, of Cali for short.
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