
Tuesday, May 1st 2007
Mood: Happy, just a little concerned
Song: Twilight - Elliott Smith
Mood: Happy, just a little concerned
Song: Twilight - Elliott Smith
It's a warm and beautiful day outside, honestly a little too warm but who am I to complain? It's reassuring to see the sun out today anyway.
A lot is on my mind at the moment, well, not really a lot but this one thing in particular. Losing a loved one is never a fun process to go through no matter how it's done and right now I'm trying my best to get over the seperation of my last girlfriend and me. I have been extremely lucky to have loved ones, one in particular, there to help me through it.
Yesterday my friend Kelly sent me this song that really hit me hard when I heard it. It's just a very depressing song that gets me to think of the current situation I'm in and I start to feel a bit of guilt over what happened in my last relationship. Though our seperation was a mutual decision and I know I can't fully relate to this song I feel like I just need to talk to her and have her tell me that she knows its the right thing and that she doesn't feel bad about our decision, or especially feeling bad with me.
I think Sarah (my last girl) and I really needed the time apart from eachother to get used to the change with our new partners, but I think it's time to bring her back into my life as a friend again, like it should be.
Despite the struggle I can still smile and keep content with my life. I'm extremely thankful to have the support of my new girl, Ingrid. I just really need to get in touch with these two people sometime soon.
Until then I'll keep holding onto that reassuring feeling I get from the sun.

Tuesday, May 8th 2007
Mood: Absolutley fantastic!
Song: By My Side - 3 Doors Down
Mood: Absolutley fantastic!
Song: By My Side - 3 Doors Down
Another tuesday and another entry.
Today feels so carefree and comforting. Life has been wonderful to me for the past month and I must say I recovered from my little episode rather quickly. Sarah and I are having a little trouble remaining friends but all is well. The flea market went great, one of the more enjoyable, humerous ones of them all. Sadly it rained on sunday and we had to close up before it started but all is well wink
On another note Ingrid and I seem to be getting closer by the day and she is greatly accepted by my family, or well mother anyway. I used to be really scared of meeting Sarah and wanted to put it off as long as I could but with Ingrid it's kinda like "Oh so what if I'm built like a stick I wanna see her anyway!" so I'm actually considering having her come down for my next year prom. Time will tell wink
Woooo I need to get some work done. My mom is making me do the following:
Eat some fruit
Go outside
Work on my grandfathers map for next flea market
Yeah so I'm going to work on my website portfolio instead xd
Will update soon!

Friday, June 08th 2007
Mood: Happy, calm. a bit tired.
Song: Chemical Juice (Sonic OC remix)
Mood: Happy, calm. a bit tired.
Song: Chemical Juice (Sonic OC remix)
Hey everyone,
It's been way too long since I've wrote an entry or even particpated on gaia or the Y.D.S. I'm sorry if I made anyone feel like I was ditching out but my real life has been very busy lately. I had a great vacation and it was very relaxing, and now that I'm back I'm faced with a wonderful possibility. It turns out that the talk of Jazzy and I talking about meeting has gotten a little more serious. My family told me it is alright for her to come stay for a couple weeks at my house in august so my mind has really been on getting myself ready to be around her, I really can't wait.
My interest in gaia seems to be going away little by little, but I stay on because of my friends who still come here. If I come on gaia I'll most likely just be spending time on the Y.D.S. or visiting 45. I'm thinking that I'll sell some stuff to just get a few items I'd like to wear smile

Wednesday, June 13th 2007
Mood: Brilliant!
Song: Shamisen asian stuff (not actual song name) - Yoshida Brothers
Mood: Brilliant!
Song: Shamisen asian stuff (not actual song name) - Yoshida Brothers
What a wonderful day,
It's a little warm in my room but so what? I had such nice sleep and woke up nice and early. I have a lot of things to do to keep me busy for example I've been working on some avatar art that I'm really excited to finish, but I want to wait until my friend matt shows up at my house before I start working on it again. I've been hanging out with my friend Matt a lot lately, but he's extremely smelly! He hardly ever bathes, never brushes his teeth and doesn't wear deoderant so yeah. P.U. but I like that cause Ingrid will be coming down soon and I'll probably drive her down to my grandmas to meet Matt so I'm sure his strangeness will boost my self confidence being around her xd
Well I had to work on some elder's PC in town to make it run faster and set up his home wirless internet so that was fun, he forced money on me even though I declined. He actually ended up shoving it in my pocket so I made 50 bucks. Wooo. DAMNIT where did I put that money!? :O
Anyway I have his laptop with me right now and grandma is telling me I need to fix it up now so I can give it to him soon. I suppose its best to get that over with so I can enjoy the rest of my day. and damn I better put some time aside to study for my permit.

Friday, June 15th 2007
Mood: Unhappy, a bit frustrated. Deep thinking.
Song: Cry, Cry, Cry - Johnny Cash.
Mood: Unhappy, a bit frustrated. Deep thinking.
Song: Cry, Cry, Cry - Johnny Cash.
Hey everyone, I suppose I'll start by writing about the past couple of days.
Well Matt and I have been hanging out a lot lately, he'll come up and play some video game like The Nightmare Before Christmas on the Playstation 2 or something while I will mess around on gaia or draw. We have a lot of fun together just messing around talking. We also have been going outside a lot, usually downtown and then over to Keith & Jacob's house to jump on their trampoleen, where he ended up hurting his back three times in a row. I was able to re-meet this girl I knew a little bit when I was about 12 and I'm pretty sure she was 'into me' after a bit of talking. She also said I was 'too cute to be emo' cool -- Also I think Jacobs new girlfriend Rachel may be a little into me too. Who knows? It's very flattering though. I enjoy going downtown just to see if I can get some female attention everyonce in awhile. Not like I am looking for girlfriends but it gives me self confidence to know that some girls are interested. Matt and I returned home and later went walking around looking for Jacob since he left his house awhile ago. We met up with him, Rachael, his sister heather and zach late at night around my house. We later went down to the basketball court and the guys played basketball, the girls sat and talked and I climbed up the fence and just stared up into the sky for awhile and started thinking about life. I tend to do a lot of observing in big crowds. On our way down to the Basketball court matt and I kinda walked behind and I was just talking to him saying things like "Look at them, each one of these people are individuals just like us who are who they are based off every single little thing that has happened in your lives, and what they are doing right now is because of that". Too bad like in most cases I only recieved responses like "Yep". Later on matt bounced the basketball over to jacob and it hit his sister in the mouth and she was crying and freaking out, bleeding a bit maybe too. Matt felt very guilty and kind of walked away and nobody made any effort to really reassure matt that we know it was an accident so I was the voice of reason basically. Later as Jacob was saying goodbye to his girlfriend matt had to kinda walk away on his way home. You see Rachael is Matt's Ex girlfriend and he obviously is having issues with them being together, I'm sure he had to leave in fear that they would kiss infront of him. I came back to the court and told everyone that he was leaving and the reason I thought why. They kinda mocked at it saying "Oh he's probably just jealous, that's kinda funny" so I was all like "What? No it's not. Why would that be funny?" blah blah I made my point and said a nice goodbye to everyone, then ran up to meet up with matt. Matt and I talked a bit more, I patted him on the back a couple times and tried my best to assure him that things were okay, but he did his best to show that nothing was wrong.
Sadly Ingrid didn't come home until late that night and I was way too tired to stay up so we hardly spoke.
Moving on to today, or yesterday technically since it is past 12:00 AM.
Today has been an interesting day. I woke up a little later than I would have liked but that was no big deal, I later asked matt to come over and we walked down to Jacobs house. We hung out there and talked a bit and as matt went outside Jacob and I started talking about Matt's girlfriend, Shay. Apparently Jacob didn't know that they were a couple but I have talked to her on the phone before so i knew. Through later conversation it was brought up on how this "shay" girl is physically abused by this boy who lives near her, around 16 and also sexually abused. I guess he hits her and stuff if she doesn't have sex with him so she is forced into it. When I heard this I suggested calling the police of course, but they said that they have tried suggesting that and stuff. Blah blah -- So I finally said "You know what? She doesn't live that far from us (matt and her never met in real life" so how about I pay for gas money and we'll go meet her, and then pay a visit to this guy and give him a piece of our minds, we were also going to probably physically abuse him as well. I told them that it would be good if we hurt him so that if he does take us to authorities it would be doing worse for him than it would be for us because he would be faced with his acts against humanity. Jacob was all for this idea and we were both discussing how we will gladly take him down together. Matt however kinda had this look of uncomfortable-ness or 'not gonna happen' face expression. after awhile of talking he's like "Who said I was going?" and he tried making excuses. after awhile I was just like "Dude, look at this oppritunity you have. You have two loyal friends willing to stand by your side and take on this great act of justice with you. Do something out of honor. What you decide to do will greatly affect your life, your girlfriends life and maybe even this guys life so please think this out". Later we went outside and discussed this more. I strongly suggested that he took us up on our offer but when I would ask "Have you thought about it" he would just stare me down and not say a word. I would of course stare him back down until he'd look away to show him he's not going to intimidate me. After more encouraging we got him to talk and I said "Did you think about it" he says "Not really" and Jacob finally snapped and said "Dude what the ******** is wrong with you? Your girlfriend is being hit and raped and you are just sitting here saying 'Don't worry about it' are you not right in the head?" and matt just kinda sat there and didnt say a word. Later jacob left for a minute and matt and I talked some more and I said to him "So what are you going to do matt?" and he says "The best tactic there is.. Wait and see what happens" and I said "What? Wait!? Matt that is a horrible tactic. What is there to wait for? To see if he does this act again? If he does then what will you do wait some more? He has already done it way more than once and he deserves to have justice brought to him. But what if he doesnt do it again? Like I said he already deserves something to be done and if he's not doing it then he's probably doing it to some other girl" he just kinda sat there and I said "Look matt if you think this is the best tactic then I strongly advise you to reconsider' after that Robbie drove into the driveway (robbie is a friend to matt) and he asked what we were doing, we basically said talking and robbie said "Chilling? that's always cool" and matt says "Chilling? if you call having people bugging you be chilling" and robbie went inside and I said "Bugging? for one that is extremely disrespectful to both jaocb and me and for another if you consider this to be bugging you then you have a lot more to learn in your life." I also earlier tried to stress the point how he needs to live his life as if it were a story book. Who wants to read about how someone sat in his room and moped around about never doing anything when he could have so many times? He finally told me "Just leave me alone" and I said "fine" and showed great disappointment. Jacob then came out and asked if he decided and I said "yes, he said no" and Matt got up and went into the house saying "Just leave me alone" and he slammed the door on us. Jacob and I chatted a bit and went off walking to my house, then started walking back downtown.
While going downtown we decided to call Josh aka Chuck, the guy I think has a crush on me. We hung out at his house a bit with his dad and talked, then we went downtown again and Josh and his father played guitar and sang by the gas station for a couple hours. Jacob and I played a bit too. people actually gathered around and requested songs. it was very neat. I told them I'd learn a few songs they know so I can play along too.
Later I came home and talked to Ingrid. She was angry at me for something she wouldnt tell me. She was saying how I don't understand how hard she has it for this competition she is in, but I never questioned that to begin with so I think she realized that and quit right away with it. but I was pretty bummed out about it but she didnt care to do anything. She decided to just go to bed and I was really upset with that. That she would just leave me like that to feel bad, especially since our anniversary was about to start in about 10 seconds at that time (No lie). After her saying she was going to bed and trying to do heart things (<3) at me I just told her to leave me alone and she left. I'm so unhappy in general and with her right now. I understand partners having there differences but to just get angry at me for what I dont deserve and seeing I'm upset and not care to do anything about it, but rather go to bed just sucks. It drives me crazy when she does that. Siiiiigh. Ah well. Whatever happens happens. Maybe when she comes down we'll grow closer together and she may care too much to do this, or maybe it'll be such a problem that we split apart before August when she's supposed to come down. Time will tell.
If you read this then Happy Anniversary Ingrid. I hope it gets better.
Goodnight everyone

Saturday, June 16th 2007
Mood: Lonely
Song: amTV - Ladytron
Mood: Lonely
Song: amTV - Ladytron
I feel so lonely, bah!!!
It's 12:21 AM at the moment so that means at my current time my anniversary with Ingrid is over and that really bums me out. but I know she's busy but there's a little fear in the back of my mind that she's avoiding me since the other night didnt go quite so well. She said she wanted to go to bed around this time tonight so I would assume that she would have been home. I had my friend jacob send her a text message and I hope she gets it. I do hope she did great on her performance though.
Today was an alright day, I waited around to see if Ingrid would come home for the most of it, but when I did go out it was fun. Jacob invited a couple girls, sisters actually who I think may be a bit interested in me so that gives me a bit of self confidence, but I really want to get to know the younger more quiet one. We seem to have a lot in common by the way we act and she's a big anime fan. I think I'll make her a Tsubasa DVD tonight and give it to her tomorrow. I dunno. I just wish Ingrid would come online. I'm feeling really uneasy at the moment with her away for so long. I hope she's happy wherever she is and whatever she is doing. Mehhhhh I hate lovesickness.
I will update if she comes online. I hope I can stay up.

Saturday, June 16th 2007 (Noon)
Mood: Sad
Song: Glass Ceiling - Metric (Or I was until sound card gave out on me)
Mood: Sad
Song: Glass Ceiling - Metric (Or I was until sound card gave out on me)
You know it's kinda funny.
With a lot of my friends and I'll even say it myself that I'm kind of known as an optimistic kinda guy. Right now I'm not feeling all too optimistic. Don't get me wrong no matter what happens I'll manage, but for this current moment I just feel like a wreck. I STILL have not heard from Ingrid, but I checked my outbox folder and she did get online late last night and checked her messages. problem is she never wrote back! Heck she never even got on AIM to wake me up like I requested. I believe she is avoiding contact with me. Maybe she doesn't want to be a couple anymore? Maybe she found someone else? Who knows. I sure don't.
To be honest I'm pretty offended. I cried last night, but what kept me together was that I knew I was a good boyfriend to her, so I didn't do anything wrong. If she decides I am not the one for her or have found someone else than the fault is not mine, and there is nothing wrong with her not wanting to be with me. I'm not going to say I'm the perfect boyfriend, but I know I can treat a girl right. I guess I just have to wait for that girl to come along who wants what I have to offer.
How I am feeling right now is kind of a dead emotion. I had an anxiety attack probably from overworrying last night, it was as if my heart was being squeezed. I think in response my body has kind of shut down drastic emotion for me right now. I feel sad but at the same time I don't feel anything. Ah well. I still believe life is a wonderful thing, a true blessing. full of these great oppritunities. I really did enjoy building my current life around this girl, and I don't know what I'm going to say to my family if my theories are correct. I've talked to them so much about Ingrid and we've all been planning ahead for her to stay with us for two weeks. I will feel ashamed and like a failure telling this to my mother, especially since I left my 3 year 2 month and 3 day long relationship for Ingrid. My mom always tells me how happy I am now that I'm with Ingrid and how she's happy we're together, and can't wait to see her. Bah. ******** s**t damn.
I would think if this were someone elses problem and I were giving them advice I'd tell them to not be so drastic thinking about it. That they don't know for sure what is going on, maybe she just came home really late and was drunk or too tired to write a message so she left? What if she just never got the text messages. I dunno. Something just tells me that that is not the case. It is hard for me to sit here and not assume anything, to be honest it kind of makes me feel worse.
Anyway I have to get ready, I am supposed to go out to eat with my grandparents and uncle for fathers day. I don't know if fathers day is today or tomorrow or what but all of you better do something for your fathers. The feeling of not being able to isn't so great.
I'll post later. for now I'm going to go take a shower.
Goodbye friends.

Sunday, June 17th 2007
Mood: Happy
Song: Glass Ceiling - Metric
Mood: Happy
Song: Glass Ceiling - Metric
What a night, phew. but I'll start with finishing up yesterday.
I finally got into contact with Ingrid and she was avoiding me afterall, she was disappointed in me for a few things that I don't agree with. Things about my lack of supporting/caring and somehow the relationship became 'all about me'. In all honesty I think it's bullshit. Us talking relieved me of the pain of worry if anything happened to her or if she was with someone else so I was able to be happy. When I found out the reason(s) why she was doing this it helped out a lot too because I felt like it was such bullcrap that it was a complete waste of my time to feel upset for her. Don't get me wrong I Love her and she's a smart girl but she had some really messed up views going on about me and the action she decided to take just plain sucked. So why should I be depressed over her if she will so easily put me in that position. Anyway.
Later that day I decided to walk meet up with Jacob, he recently got a new video game he really wanted to play but he didn't have a ps2 with him. Originally I just wanted to go up to Jacobs so I could talk with Patsy and Heather (The sisters I mentioned before) and ask Heather about the kinds of anime she likes since we never really had time alone to talk. Jacob and I walked around a bit and decided not to get Heather and Patsy since it was a weekend and that's the only time they can spend with their father. Then after a short while of walking Robbie called and said he was bringing over Jacobs ps2 or something so Jacob ditched out on me and I walked home.
Jacob later called again and I decided since I had nothing better to do that I'll bring my guitar up there and we would hang out at jacobs. The video game sucked so Jacob and I went walking around when he got the idea "Lets ride bikes!" It turns out he stole three bikes from these 'friends' of his so Robbie, Jacob and I rode them around town. Sadly my legs aren't quite what they used to be and I had the very little bike which speed wasnt so great. We rode down south hill, Damn! If you knew what that hill was like you'd understand. It is the biggest hill that I know of in what cheer, and it is the main highway that runs though it. I'll have to take a picture sometime. We then rode/walked up to my house to drop off my guitar that was on my back. My grandmother was outside and didnt seem to comfortable with me being out so late (it was about 11:00 PM) and I told her I'd be out riding up to michelles and such, I was told to be home at 12:00 AM.
Jacob, Robbie and I rode up to Michelles house but jacob wanted to go further up the hill. It turns out there was a motorcycle group gathering at the fair grounds where loud heavy metal was playing that you could hear downtown and Jacob thought it would be a brilliant idea to ride up there with our bicycles. Robbie and I were like "Nooo!" for me it was the fear of getting our asses kicked and for robbie it was all the people in chaps. I finally said I would want to just to have something stupid to write about the next day so we rode up to fairgrounds and kinda stood around across the street when finally robbie was like "Alright lets just go talk to the guy who is taking admission" so we rode up and were like "Hey! Look at OUR bikes!". The man just kinda stares at us and goes "Yep...". Jacob, Robbie and I decided it was time to leave and as I stated our 'coolness points' degraded by 5.
From that point we went down the main highway, and all the way down michelles huge roadhill. There was a car decently far behind us and little did we know a car coming the opposite way. Robbie and jacob were pretty far ahead of me and later I went on the sidewalk. Jacob swerved around the car that was coming down at him and robbie's bike had no brakes, so he jumped it up on the curb into this grass and man did he fly. The car kinda stopped then slowly moved and then turned around. I was yelling at robbie from across the street "What did you do??". Well it turns out that car they were riding infront of was the sherif of our town and he told us in a nice way "Don't ride your bikes in the road!" Hahahaha. We kinda walked out bikes up a little further, closer to my house and laughed about it for awhile, then we noticed that there were two people outside this whole time and we never noticed so it was like "Great, now more coolness points lost"
We walked up a little closer to these two people when all a sudden my good female friend Michelle and her friends Alisha and Victoria come across the street going "Shhh shhhh" apparently they snuck out or something. by this time it was about 11:45. We all stood outside and takled for a good while, well past 12:00. I was, like any other time, the prankster of the group. I made a lot of people laugh and was like cool . Victoria is kind of a strange girl. She is very vulgar and talks about how she's a slut a lot of the time. She spits a lot and just acts kinda, strange. so when she left for a bit robbie was saying how she's more of a man than he is. I later somehow made the connection of Victoria with Arnold Swartzenegger or whatever his damn name is so I started doing my arnold yell impression a lot when she was gone, and later when she was there and people kinda laughed. Later on I apologized to her if I hurt her feelings any but I knew I didn't, she said it was cool cool . My sexuality was questioned by victoria so I had to tell the story of how everyone thinks I'm gay which later I brought up how I'm a virgin and my views on saving it. Everyone seemed to be impressed, especially robbie and told me he wished that he would have felt that way cause he's far from being a virgin. Then later it was brought up how I am even a virgin when it comes to kissing someone, which greatly sparked the interest of my female friends. It was kind of an eye widening "REALLY!?" response. I was asked a lot of questions if I were scared to or something and there were a lot of "No way!"'s. Michelle said that she should be my first, haha. I guess everyone thought I have already kissed a girl before, I suppose its a little unlikely for a boy my age not to.
Later on I asked michelle to come follow me alone and we talked for awhile about a few personal matters and I told her there was something important I wanted to discuss with her later, and she said she'd be up a lot through the night so we could have alone time to talk. then later we crossed the street and left the other guys behind and talked some more, apparently we were being eyeballed by Alisha, hah. Also earlier alisha and victoria had cans of beer and alisha didn't like hers so I had it. I drank it all while I was talking to michelle. Bush light is the weakest alchohol I have ever tried in my life, it was like water.
After awhile of talking Michelle talked about how she has been kind of depressed in life and I told her that we would talk it over later in private, so then we went back over to the gang since alisha was leaving for bed soon. I suppose I forgot to mention that the reason the girls were over at alishas is because they have a tent in the backyard and were having a tent sleepover. Anyway Victoria wanted to see Andy Thomas, who lived on the other side of town near jacob's house so I thought it would be cool if Robbie, Jacob and Victoria went down on bikes and michelle and I could walk behind and have a nice talk. Turns out Victoria couldnt ride the bike so I had to walk down with her and michelle, god I didn't like that. but I was being a gentleman so I made sure to make sure they were both safe and such by walking victoria all the way to andy's house.
We knocked on his door several times and finally he woke up and we hung out in his house for a bit, his parents were gone for some reason in Delta. Later Michelle and I left and went down to the park where we sat on the swings, and later the bench together and just talked about life. I asked her a lot about her daily life and summed up her issues with the fact that she's growing older and just now figuring out who she is. I talked to her for about 15 minutes straight giving her theories of mine and encouragement. She seemed very happy to finally be able to understand. I also gave her some other ways of looking at the situation to where it didn't have to be a bad thing. I also got up the courage to tell her about that important thing I mentioned earlier that very very very very very few people have any idea about whatsoever. I think only two people outside of me know about it, and a few understand it to a small extent. After awhile of talking I found out that she has the same exact thing but in reverse! It was amazingly ironic and awesome and just cool. Cause it's something that isn't exactly normal and isnt really spoken outloud about. So the fact that be both shared this thing was so awesome. So we talked about that for awhile. after about an hour more of sitting at the park talking we decided it was time to go back to alishas.
The town was dead, everything was quiet, not a person in sight. I Loved it. The sky was so beautiful, the air IRONICLY felt clean, apparently there was a pollution advisory that night and it explains why it was so hazey and foggy xd - she was a little cold and I offered her my overshirt but she was all like "no no its okay". Women! razz -- So we walked to my house and talked, then came inside cause she had to pee. When she was in the bathroom my grandma came down and was giving me this glare since I come home at 3:30 AM with a girl when I was supposed to be home at 12:00 xd - Anyway Michelle and I left yet again and went over to the tent and sat there and takled. We decided that I would sleep with her in the tent (Not with her with her but sleeping in the tent. so I got my pillow and a few snacks from my house, then came back and we talked for awhile longer. then victoria showed up since robbie gave her a ride and I was like 'aw s**t' so after awhile of talking about how Alishas mom would kill us if she found a guy in the tent I decided to go home and sleep.
Oh yeah, funny story. at about midnight Michelle and I snuck into my house and I turned to her and put my finger over my mouth going "Shhh" then I step forward, trip over a chair and trip half way through my living room making whole bunches of noise. Hahahaha. Michelle was laughing so much xd
It was a great night, and I'm kinda grounded! razz -- but my grandma is letting me go outside again tonight I think. We'll see. I wanna go hang out with michelle again, though its a bit strange. Robbie and Victoria or whatever her name was kept trying to get me to ask her out. They were saying things like "Dude you know if you asked her out she would say yes in a heartbeat" and I'm lke "Yeah yeah I know I know" but I also told them that we have cosnidered it before and talked it over, if we were going to be a couple we would have been awhile ago. but I'm wondering if she's a bit more into me after our talk last night. Who knows?
Edit: 4:00 PM Yep I'm grounded kinda! I can't leave my front yard so party at my house!! xd . Matt is coming over. My grandma is just being silly.
Seth: Yeah I'm grounded wanna come up!?
Matt: What? That's a lie
Seth: No seriously I cant leave my front yard today
Matt: Why?
Seth: Cause I stayed out until 5:00 AM last night
Matt: So it's not lke you've never done that before
Seth: Hahaha I know, I think its a control thing *glares at grandma and smiles*
Hahahaha.

