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 Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 12:55 pm
As the daylight dwindled, he stepped from the cover of his underbrush home, the fiery, broken heart on his face standing out like a beacon in the dying light. Flitting from shadow to lengthening shadow, the lone male sniffed out his dinner's scent, abruptly hiking a left when the musk of a rabbit hit his nostrils.
Hot on its trail, saliva dripping from his fangs to land in the dead leaves he whisked by, Occam suddenly staggered. Another scent hit his sensitive nose, a familiar one.
Wagging his tail subconsciously, he changed directions again, his hunger forgotten.
How long had it been since he'd last seen her? That purple kissed beauty, Ravii? The wolfess who had helped ease his inner torments . . .
Picking up his pace, he ghosted through the shadows, hoping that she would remember him as well as he remembered her.
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:17 pm
((I'm backdating this just a smidge - Amarri and Mayrii haven't really left the den for too long, though they are getting more and more bold day by day. ;3 ))
The small clearing was quiet as night began to ascend upon the world. In fact, if one didn't know better, they'd believe they were alone. Of course, Ravii's scent hung heavy in the air, but it was mixed with a few other smells. . . some similar to her own, but peculiarly different. Hidden beneath the foreign scents, if one bothered to study the scenario at all, they'd find the scent of a male all but faded. Another few days and the elements would wash it away completely.
Practically invisible to the rest of the world, Ravii lay with her head upon her paws at the mouth of the den. The majorit of her was covered by the molding, fallen oak, but her muzzle and paws barely could be seen. Long shadows helped keep her and her precious puppies secret. . . for now.
The small ones were currently asleep within the confines of their home, which was just as well. Ravii was glad that they could rest in slumber. . . She didn't want them to see or remember her like this.
Where is he. . .? she thought, blue eyes dimming as her thoughts and questions rolled through her. It was a war for the cream furred wolfess, hope trying its hardest to win a losing battle. She wanted to believe her red furred mate would return, would come back for them, but as the hours and days passed, that hope began to wane.
He wasn't dead, she knew. . . Though it might have been easier for her to accept. He'd skirted off almost two weeks previous, and unlike the times before when he'd arrive with a meal or a story, this time he had yet to reappear.
Oh how the purple furred female missed him. She just couldn't understand where he'd gone, or why he'd left? He'd seemed so . . . so happy for their puppies. He'd loved her, he had said. . . . so why did he leave?
Why? Why? Why?
Her thoughts, sluggish from anxiety, fear, and heart-break were on continuous loop. She tried to form answers, she tried to reason with her emotions, and yet nothing worked. The female was not in the best shape of her life - her fur was dull, her frame a bit thinner than before, and her easy-going optimism was all but shattered.
She was hurting, the little femme. And it was very hard to mistake.
Instinct and attuned senses alerted her of something, someone, nearby. The winds direction wasn't in her favor, so she knew not what but lurking through the woods. But her ears heard soft, almost mute footsteps. . . Ears pricking, eyes lighting, she could only hope that it was who she hoped and prayed for.
Let it be Eros. . . Oh, let it, let it, let it!
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 1:48 pm
Something tainted Ravii's scent, but he couldn't pick apart what it could be. Sorrow? Hurt? Hope? What could be wrong with her?
Nearly running, albeit silently, the male dodged tree and bush, fallen log and budding fern. His mind was going faster than his paws, thousands of scenarios hitting him like a barrage. Yet even as his brain worked miles a minute, he didn't miss the other scents now laced with Ravii's. The one that was thick, male. The two that were distinctly of Ravii, and whoever this other male was.
He put two and two together and realized that he had stopped, his front paws just inside the edges of a small clearing. Occam felt the familiar ache build in his chest, but now it was for an entirely different reason.
Ravii had puppies?
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 2:03 pm
The sounds of pawprints quickened, and Ravii allowed herself the slightest hint of hope. Oh, what if it were Eros? Was he racing back to see her, to be reuinted? Whatever had kept him so long? Oh, she hoped he wasn't wounded, wasn't hurt! Hunters occassionally placed traps here and there, but Eros couldn't have been so silly as to fall for one!
Her excitement at the sound of racing pawprints and the shuffeling of the woods grew as she heard it approach. Still, caution hadn't completely left the broken female - there was a chance it could be a stranger passing through. It wasn't as if they were on any territory. . .
Rising to her feet, her violet tail began to wag. Taking a few, anxious steps away from the mouth of the den, she prepared herself for some sort of greeting. It had to be someone or something, for that matter. Regardless, the cream and violet female didn't want to to be caught off guard and off her paws. If she needed to defend her puppies, it was to her advantage to be up and able.
The movement stopped, the shadows of the forest hindering Ravii's vision. She stared at Occam, certain of his whereabouts, but obviously unclear of who it was nearby. A desperate, high-pitched whine, broke through the silence, violet ears beginning to flatten against her head. If this was Eros, why was he hiding?
Was this a game. . . ? Or. . . . or, logic hissed, it just wasn't him at all. "Who -" Her voice cracked, and Ravii dropped her head. She didn't need to see Occam to understand that her hopes were in vain. Even if she wanted to believe it be her beloved mate, she knew the sound of his walk, knew the way he moved through the woods. This wasn't him, whoever it was. . . . . "Who's there?" She finally asked, voice a whisper and half-choked on disappointment.
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 6:27 pm
Was this the same femme he had met before? This poor, desperate sounding thing, her coat dull, her ribs just starting to peak out from under her fur. Her beautiful eyes shown brightly in the fading light, but it wasn't a healthy, happy bright.
The sight of Ravii like this made him physically hurt. Not only that, but he wanted to hurt whoever had done this to her.
Padding forward, away from the shadows so that she could see him, Occam slowly approached her, still unsure if she even remembered him. When he was a little more than a leap away from her, he answered her half-choked question.
"Ravii . . . it's me. It's Occam," he murmured, voice low and gentle. He took another step forward, a small whimper escaping his jaws. "What happened?"
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Posted: Thu Apr 26, 2007 8:40 pm
Head still down, her blue eyes finally picked out the shape and form of the wolf before her. Black fur, stained darker by evening, and that ever familiar hearted face. She stared at the male for a long moment, staring directly at the spattered heart in front of her. Ironic, wasn't it? Her red mate had hearts too, except they had been in one piece. Full of all the love he offered her, full of his affection and smoothe words. . . .
Now, staring back at her, was a wolf also with hearts. Except his was tattered and torn, as if reminding her exactly what happened to those who gave away such a fragile thing.
Oh, the irony of the situation~!
Staring at the broken heart, she almost wanted to cry. Occam's physical appearance was a mirror of her own soul, her tattered heart placed in a soul of darkness.
Ravii wasn't typically a wolf who allowed negitive thoughts and depression get ot her. She was the epitome of optimism, and was a firm believer that life was not a miserable, horrible place to be. Sure, bad things happened, but life moved on and the clouds would eventually part. Did she still believe in her inner sunshine?
Yes.
But for a moment, for now, she felt overwhelmed. Grief over being so foolish as to believe something so great would have lasted, agonizing pain over heartbreak and, even worse, raising two puppies without a father. It was fine if Eros' feelings had turned cold or changed for her. . . . but to abandon their new daughters . . . how could he have?
Therefor, as she stared at the shadow figure before her, there was no joy or radiance dancing through her spirit tonight.
Occam. . . Yes, she remembered the black and red male very well. Their first and only meeting by the lake during that misty night. A small smile did creep upon her features, though it only seemed to make her look more miserable.
"Occam," she repeated, both horrified and glad that she'd run into a friend. Though he was still a practical stranger, she kept all her acquaintences dear to her heart. Her violet tail tip wagged twice, and she pawed weakly at the ground. "It's . . . It's good to see you again," She meant it. Sincerity was laced in her whispered words, even if the light in her eyes wasn't out of excited joy.
Oh. . . . She probably looked an awful sight! Cheer up, you've company, she told herself sternly. Shaking out her cream coat, Ravii did her best to stand a bit taller, even if she couldn't quite meet Occam's gaze. Perhaps worst of all was the shame she felt. . . Rushing in to a relationship, trusting that Eros was a dream come true, eating his every word.
Now, here she was, a single, inexperienced mother without a pack or many friends, with two puppies to raise and care for.
She was a fool, she was. . . . but never again, oh no. After this, she'd let love be a stranger to her forever more.
"Oh, oh I'm sorry," she apologized, licking her nose almost nervously. "I must look an awful sight, really, I just . . .I just hadn't expected anyone to drop by!" A gentle laugh, an attempt to hide her sadness. "I don't expect anyone really knows I'm here though," she added, before glancing over at Occam thoughtfully. "But I do appreciate the visit.
"I just . . . . I guess a lot has happened, hasn't it?" She asked, tilting her head before averting her gaze a second time. How did she tell Occam that Eros had left her?
But he'd be back . . . . wouldn't he? Maybe? There was still a chance, there was always a chance. "Just. . . " A pause. "Just waiting for . . . for Eros to return," her words were troubled and forced, but she flashed Occam (what she hoped) was a reassuring smile.
There. She hadn't lied, for truly she was waiting for the red wolf to return home. But Occam didn't have to know that he'd abandoned his responsabilities. Her dark furred friend didn't have to know how stupid and easily manipulated Ravii was.
She didn't want Occam to think of her as a fool. . . . even if that's all she'd ever been.
"But how are you, friend?" She did her best to change the subject. Her throat felt tight, as if she were ready to break down and sob at any moment. She hadn't cried much since realizing Eros probably wasn't coming back. But her tears weren't for herself, oh no. . . they were for her children, and all the insecurities and fears that haunted her.
"I'm glad you came." Company was better than lonliness. At least now she could pretend everything was all right, slip on a cheery facade, and not drown in her woes. Occam didn't want to hear about her mistakes. . . he had his own problems. It wasn't right of her to mope with a friend so near.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 6:38 pm
Was she trying to fool him? Well, he saw right through it. Not that she wasn't doing an admirable job of almost keeping it together, but he had been there. He also knew that this Eros wasn't coming back. The other male's scent was all but gone, which meant that he had been absent for over a week.
He prayed for Eros' sake that the other male was already dead, otherwise Occam would kill him.
Trotting forward, he flattened his ears and whimpered, pressing his nose against her cheek, offering her a tiny lick. "How many?" Smelling the pups, he ached to think that she would have to raise them alone, that they wouldn't have a father. But than he thought that maybe it was better to never know what it was like to have a father, than to have one that sacrificed you to the enemy.
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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 6:58 pm
The cream and white female shifted anxiously from one paw to the next, not sure what to do, what to say. Sure, she was glad for a moments companionship and yet . . . it wasn't who she'd hoped. Why wasn't the fluffy, heart-splattered, red furred male coming back? What had she done to drive him away??
At Occam's whimper, her violet ears flattened. Why wouldn't he believe her? Did she really look as miserable and rotton as she felt? Oh bother. She was failing at everything lately, wasn't she?
~_~
The female stayed quiet, not sure if she dared to speak. Part of her wanted to snarl and slash and take her anger out on something, but another part of her was afraid she'd break at any moment. Occam didn't come here for blathering tears or her problems. He came by to . . . well. . . .Ravii didn't know why he stopped by, really, probably just to offer a greeting. And since that was the case, Ravii did not want to crumble in to a million fragile pieces around him.
His nose against her cheek, foreign, and most certainly not Eros', was both a comfort and a nusience. Why did she have to have such wonderful wolves in her life. . .? And why wasn't Eros one of them!?!
Well, logic broke through, she needed to answer him. Eyes closing at his contact, fighting the choke-hold repressed emotion had upon her throat, Ravii finally spoke. "Two," her voice was shakey, weak, and a new thought pierced her heart.
"There were three. . . . " Even though the little male pup hadn't made it through childbirth, it still had been a pup. It had looked like her daughters, the only difference being its small, fragile size. How long it had been dead within her, Ravii didn't know, but it still bothered her. "But only two girls survived."
Oh dear.
Blue eyes didn't dare look up at Occam, she didn't want to see what judgement might be passed her.
He probably thought her a fool - how could she have fallen in love so fast and thought it would have lasted forever? How could she have placed so many hopes and dreams on the red males shoulder? She was smarter than that . . . so where had her logic gone?
The tiniest of whines escaped her throat, and her nose all but touched the ground before Occam's paws. ". . . . I know," she added softly, entire disposition starting to crumble. She might as well tell him what she was certain he was thinking. That way he wouldn't have to pretend to be nice, he wouldn't have to think his thoughts in private. "I was a fool."
Maybe part of the femme wanted him to agree with her, to confirm her fears. Maybe if he did, she'd feel better. At least then she'd know that everyone else knew.
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 8:40 pm
His heart fell at the mention of the poor little male; between losing a pup and losing her mate, no wonder the purple femme was so close to a break down.
Whimpering softly, he shook his head, turning back to nuzzle her cheek. "No, Ravii. You're not a fool," he growled, voice rough not with anger towards her, but directed at the b*****d wolf who had left her and their pups high and dry. He was the fool, whoever he was.
"You're not a fool," he whispered again, pawing as close to her as possible and sitting on his haunches, nibbling at her ear to comfort her. He waited for her to break down, and there was no way that he would think anything less of her. Her strength was already cemented into his mind, and he knew that sometimes, letting it all out was so much more healing than keeping it all bottled away and hiding behind a crumbling facade.
"I'm here for you . . . " Occam murmured, laying his head against her neck.
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Posted: Mon Apr 30, 2007 9:07 pm
She just couldn't bring herself to look at him. If she did, she thought she might very well break down and cry! Hadn't she given up tears years ago. . . .
So now, here, the overwhelmed femme was doing her best to keep her body composed. The lump in her throat, the panic in her stomach, the hole in her heart . . . it would go away, wouldn't it? The lonliness, the embarressment, the shame warred with a pride for her daughters, the love that they gave her.
She had them, she . . . she didn't need anyone or anything else, right? So if that were the case, then why did she feel so miserable?
Ears flat, she heard the snarl in Occam's throat. If she were surprised, or afraid that his annoyance was directed at her, Ravii didn't show it. Blue eyes could only stare at her paws as the question of why drifted through her mind. With every pass, her confusion and bewilderment grew, her depression and broken lonliness kept what remained of her optimism at bay.
This wasn't the end of the world, she knew. But it hurt. . . oh gods did it hurt.
The pain for her daughters, the confusion of his abandonment, the death of her son, and the regret of a love openly given, and openly forgotten and rejected. Her trust was shattered, marred. . . .
It would take some time before she fully recouperated.
She felt his touch against her ear, and the female almost shuddered. It didn't feel at all like Eros, but she did appreciate his kindness. At least she still had friends. . . At least she still had . . . somone.
"I'm here for you. . . ."
A whine, high-pictched, quavering was her only response. Though Occam and she had only met once, she did consider him a friend. And now, that friendship was more to dear to her than ever.
Such kindness. . . . . But it broke her heart completely, to know that a wolf she'd met but once before was here for her when the father of her children was not.
She didn't sob, though her body tremebeled. Staring down at her feet, Ravii cried. An occassional whimper, the slip of a whine, but for the most part she cried in silence, fighting to keep her composure and doing a valient effort. One by one, her first signs of grief and heartache were present, painting a picture in the form of damp earth before her.
"I'm . . . s-sorry," a whisper strained broke through, once gentle and optimstic words now painted in tremors.
She wanted to thank him, to tell him how much she appreciated him being there for her. . . . but her tears overwhelmed her.
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 2:03 pm
Scooting beside her, he pressed his side against her own, feeling the tremors wrack her body. He could smell the salt from her tears, and barely heard her whispered words. Nibbling soothingly at the femme's neck ruff, he murmured softly, "You have nothing to be sorry for, sweet. None of this was your fault. None of it."
Occam nudged her with his muzzle, slowly laying down. He hoped she would do the same, because she looked as if she needed some well deserved rest. If she trusted him, he would stay awake to watch for anything that might cause harm to her pups.
But than again, she had only met him once before. What made him think that she would trust him? Not only that, but he was pretty sure that once she got over her immediate despair, she was going to have a strong dislike of males . . .
"You should rest . . . "
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Posted: Tue May 01, 2007 2:32 pm
She wasn't happy about the situation. It shouldn't have fallen to pieces, her daughters should indeed have a father. It wasn't right that Eros got to walk away, so callous to her open affections. For her, it hadn't been a mere infatuation. For Ravii, she truly had fallen for the heart-spattered male. His words had charmed her blind, and though part of her desperately wanted to believe that Eros did love her, and would return. . . . . reality told her it wasn't to be so.
If he had loved her as much as he claimed, then he would have stayed, no matter what.
Unless. . . . had losing their son been the problem? Was it having children period that caused him to bolt? Had Ravii smothered him with far too much affection, had she not kept her distance or given him space?
For every question came a plethora of tears. She almost wanted to be hysteric, but Ravii had too much control over her emotions for that. Deep down, she wanted to throw a fit - she wanted to scream and snarl and shred Eros and his pretty crimson fur to bits. She wanted him to hurt as bad as she, she wanted him to feel the guilt and remorse, the fear and uncertainty.
Could she raise two pups alone? There was no pack. Her friends were scattered, and many of them as alone as she. Oh, whatever was she to do?
If Occam's words were true, if she had nothing to be sorry for, then why did she feel so . . . so. . . . so remorseful?
Was it just self-pity, or was it grief for her children? Maybe it was a little of both. . . .
The tears continued to wrack her body, and for a few, dismally long moments all Ravii did was cry. She released the tension, the fear, the bruised pride and fractured hurt. Everything she'd kept botteled up was released, pride long shattered and pushed aside.
Finally. . . eventually. . . her sobbing subsided. Her body relaxed, though it still shook now and then from exhaustion, anxiety, and tension. She was overwhelmed, but at least she'd purged her soul clean. Her fears were a puddle at her feet, and . . . . overall. . . she felt ever so slightly better.
She still hurt, sure. But her grief didn't hold as tight a choke-hold. She could actually breathe now. No, the cream and violet one wasn't burden with grief. . . . . but she did feel awfully hollow.
Licking her nose and muzzle and clean, Ravii blinked a few times. She had almost forgotten about Occam, and she stole a glance to the relaxed black wolf at her side. A small smile, through her tear-stained eyes, the tiniest of light breaking through the shadows behind them.
"Thank you."
Oh, how she ever did appreciate him sitting there with her, allowing her to sob, to cry. Maybe she wasn't such a failure for a mother afterall. At least. . .at least she still had a few friends, didn't she? At least, for these few moments, she wasn't quite as alone.
It meant so much for her to be able to cry. She was far from healed, but with time life - even Ravii's - would move on.
Sliding down to her belly, the female gave one last shuddering sigh, and averted her gaze.
She felt awkward. She felt miserable. But sleep wasn't something that came so easy. "I am resting," she softly admitted. If he meant for her to sleep. . . no. She hadn't slept in days, and tonight didn't look very promising.
Was she exhausted? Yes.
But unpleasant dreams awaited her within that den.
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Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 10:55 am
Occam shifted beside the female, laying down with her. She looked ready to drop, and if she wouldn't fall asleep because she needed the rest, than he would just give her another reason.
"Ravii, if you don't sleep soon, you'll get too weak to feed or even protect your puppies. Please? I'll watch over you all. I promise." He paused, remembering how often he had avoided sleep because of the nightmares that plagued him. If that was why . . .
"I can't protect you from your dreams, but I can wake you from them and soothe your fear," he whispered softly, giving her a gentle nudge with his muzzle.
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Posted: Mon May 14, 2007 10:42 pm
A soft whine escaped the cream wolf's muzzle, her ears still somewhat flattened, her entire disposition disheartened. Her muzzle was still damp from tears, the short fur sticking up in the bedraggeled position. In short, she looked a wreck, but stubborn pride made her want to fight.
Sleep. . . .
Blue eyes, shadowed from hurt, glanced shyly at the black and red male beside her. Her ears swiveled and pricked for but a moment as Occam spoke, reassuring her of protection and safety. So hopeful, so trusting, part of her wanted nothing more than to thank him for being so kind, so thoughtful.
=but=
On the other hand, old wounds still burned. Eros had left them, and though she realized he'd never promised to stay, pregnancy and love should have been unspoken guarentee. Would she have expected him to stay forever? No. But he should have stayed to help with their daughters, their family. He should have stayed, if not for Ravii's sake, than for them.
So could she trust Occam with such a task? Maternal instinct wanted to keep her children safe from strangers, away from future hurt and abandonment. Some wolves, she knew, went so far as to eat small pups. . . . Occam, Ravii knew, was not one of those wolves. In fact, she trusted him with as much faith as she did any of her friends! Bindi, Mingan, Equus. . . .
But could she relax enough to sleep? Would he really stay or would she wake up in the morning and find him gone too? Promises meant nothing when they were so heartlessly forgotten.
Dropping her head to her paws, she gave another small whimper, afraid of sleep, and afraid of what the morning would bring.
She ahd no choice - he was right. If she didn't sleep how was she to hunt for her darlings? If she didn't sleep, she might get sloppy, and therefor put her own daughters in danger. She couldn't stand to be an insomniac any longer. She'd fail, and though her life meant nothing, her children meant the world.
". . . . you're . . . you're right, I know," she whispered, looking away, unable to face such kindness. "But really," she reassured, a small smile crossing her muzzle. "Please, you don't . . . you don't need to stay. I won't hold you to that responsibility, r-really. . . . "
It just wasn't his job. Who was he anyway? A lone wolf she'd met one foggy night, a broken shadow that needed a little bit of song in his life. Amazing how that shadow had rediscovered her, had met her now, at her most miserable, her most low.
Her throat caught, tangled, and had she tears to spare she might very well have broken down again. Burying her nose underneath her paw, she squeezed her eyes shut, not sure what to do or what to say. "It's not your . . . not your . . . " She had trouble defining what soothing her would be considered. At one point in her life it would have been an act of kindness, a good hearted gesture, a position that meant care and affection. But now, after all her affection had given her, it wasn't that way anymore. Being with her was obviousl too much of a burden for any wolf, and if her mate couldn't stay to soothe her fears, there was no way she'd expect Occam to. "It's not your job, my friend." A little smile from beneath her paws, no bitterness present, only sad realiziation. "I don't want to be just another. . ." A swallow, pride hard pressed and shocked to admit what Eros defined her as, "obligation."
Ravii wasn't trying to be angsty. She wasn't trying to insult the black and red-hearted male either. But right now all she could see was burdening another, despite the fact he had offered. Oh, how she wanted him to stay, how she wanted to wake up from her nightmares and find some comfort.
But doubt lay heavy in her heart.
If Eros couldn't handle the job, then how earth could Occam? The red male had been the love of her life, or so she'd thought. He'd adored her, hadn't he? She had entrusted him with everything. . . . So how could the black male beside her, the broken-hearted wolf be so willing to stay?
She was mostly a stranger to him, wasn't she? Besides which, he had better wolves to tend to anyway. Closing her eyes, she waited for Occam to take her word and run free. Why waste his night with insomnia and depression? "I won't be mad, promise" she whispered, words genuine, soft and almost sweet. "I understand completely, dear friend."
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Posted: Tue May 15, 2007 4:17 pm
Occam found himself warming with anger. Didn't she understand? She wasn't an obligation to him. When he had been in need, she had helped him, taught him something that kept him from falling apart. He hadn't thought that he could ever repay her, but now, faced with an opportunity to return the gesture, she was telling him to leave.
Growling softly, but intensely, his teeth flashed and he nipped non-too-gently at her ear. "Silence!" His voice was very low in his frustration. "I'm offering to help you, Ravii, just as you helped me. You're not an obligation, do you understand? Now, damnit, would you shut up, and let me help you?"
Getting up, he padded his way in front of her, than lay down again, their noses almost touching. "Go . . . to . . . sleep." His eyes narrowed, though they still showed their concern. Would she listen to him? Fur and fangs, he had never met such a stubborn little femme.
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